Vote For the Narcissistic A-hole ⸺ It's Important

                                                    Image by kalhh from Pixabay 

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"Corruption is a cancer: a cancer that eats away at a citizen's faith in democracy..." -Joe Biden

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

In my semi-humble opinion, Donald J. Trump is a narcissistic arsehole. 

However, since I've been unable to secure a commitment from a dissatisfied, high ranking general or two to provide me with enough troops to execute a soft coup, I'm voting for the Donald. In fact, I already did. 

[Wait-wait-wait. Didn't you formally endorse the Harris/Biden ticket?]

I did, and I stand by my endorsement. After all, the reason for my endorsement was personal safety. Anyone that reads my column can easily deduce I'm a man of the right who used to be a libertarian with conservative impulses that has evolved into a conservative with libertarian impulses. 

We all have to grow up eventually.  

To the best of my knowledge, there are no high profile seemingly rational, well respected public figures (or even actors) of the right calling for dusting off the guillotines if the Orange one is not reelected.

From Robert Reich, former Secretary of Labor, current professor at UC Berkley, and prolific Democratic talking head:

"When this nightmare is over, we need a Truth and Reconciliation Commission. It would erase Trump’s lies, comfort those who have been harmed by his hatefulness, and name every official, politician, executive, and media mogul whose greed and cowardice enabled this catastrophe." 

Tweet! Tweet! 

Nor, to the best of my knowledge, are there any high profile seemingly rational, well respected public figures (or even actors) of the right calling for dusting off the guillotines if the Orange one is reelected.  

Former Secretary of State John Kerry has stated that another electoral victory by the Donald could provoke a revolution in the United States.

Dana executes a not half bad imitation of a chicken clucking and says: 

[I think you'll be okay given that your writing career is not quite the stuff of legend. Given that you could vote libertarian like you did last time, why did you vote for the Donald if you think he's a narcissistic a-hole?] 

That was a protest vote. The Hilliam are even more corrupt than Uncle Joe and Hunter the Gatherer, or at least better at it. Also, I thought the Donald was as surprised by his nomination as I was (and as surprised again when he was elected president).

[Wait a sec', now that I think about it you haven't mentioned anything about why you have such a low opinion of the Donald.] 

Where to begin? Trophy wives, the fact that his primary business focus for the last several years involved selling the sizzle, not the actual steak, "Grab 'em by the pussy," the... listen, the absurd hairdo and the orange-tinted skin speak volumes. 

The primary reason I don't like him was the long line of small contractors that stepped up to say that this "big guy" was infamous for stiffing the little guys when the bill came due. Because he could.  

Being a former small — make that tiny — business owner, I took that personally.  

However...   

Prior to the plague, we enjoyed three solid years of economic growth despite the previous administration (which, as you may remember, included uncle Joe) telling us for eight solid years that the party was over. 

Everybody out of the pool. From now on it's tepid economic growth and "leading from behind." Jimmy Carter Malaise had returned.

But then the Donald, while distracting the Purple Press with his absurd tweets, cut taxes and regulations, freed the frackers (= cleaner air + lower energy prices), stood up to China, reduced illegal immigration, and reignited the economy. 

Oh, and with the help of Jared Kushner, his thirty-something son-in-law, passed a prison reform bill and accomplished more for peace in the Middle East than the above mentioned John Kerry could even dream of.    

[Well, maybe, but since the plague hit he's...]

We're not going there, Dana, it's still half time (HT: Scott Adams). The legion of "experts" constantly contradicting each other while regularly changing their tunes and a Purple Press that prefers sensationalism to clarity has left me dazed and confused. 

My fingers are crossed and I've noticed Crafty Kamala and Uncle Joe have proposed nothing new. 

Look, I don't like what the Republican party has devolved into any more than I like what the Democratic party has devolved into. But Uncle Joe served as VP for eight years while the economy sputtered and race relations deteriorated in spite of the fact we had a black president. 

Biden is still claiming that he got into the race to save us from Trump the evil racist in spite of the fact that the "fine people hoax" he never gets tired of spreading was/is, indeed, a hoax.

Biden doesn't seem to have a problem with Swamp's way of doing things as long as it's his kid that's hip-deep in the putrid water while Uncle Joe maintains semi-plausible deniability from his basement.

Finally, given that there's a better than average chance Crafty Kamala will wind up behind the desk in the oval office I'm sticking with the devil I know.

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

P.S. If you've never heard the name (Lt.) Tony Bobilinski you should Google it immediately. You will easily confirm that Uncle Joe (a.k.a. the big guy) is as corrupt as the Purple Press Corps that guards the walls of the Swamp. 

                                                *       *       *

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Users

                                 Larry and Sergey and Eric — Oh My!

                                 Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"When I showed up, I thought this was the stupidest rule ever, because there's no book about evil except maybe, you know, the Bible or something." -Eric Schmidt, former chairman/CEO of the Goog — now a (technically) married international playboy — commenting on the Goog's now-defunct rule, Don't be evil  

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Recently, noticing a marked increase in advertising when I'm watching YouTube I decided to complain — not that I expected this would accomplish anything beyond making me feel better for a half a minute or so. 

[Are you aware that for 12 bucks a month YouTube will supply you with unlimited, ad-free content?]

Well, yeah, but...

[Are you aware of the fact that the H. sapiens that provide YouTubes content get a cut of the advertising revenue and/or a cut from the subscription fee?]

Well, yeah, but...

[And I know for a fact you're aware that a lot of content providers post content out of love for said content, or are just trying to promote their own creative efforts and don't expect to make any money from YouTube.]

I will not only stipulate to all of the above I will admit that I could write an entire column devoted to everything I love about YouTube. 

After all, it's not only possible to watch cute kitty videos, it's also possible to pull up talks by and interviews of scientists and public intellectuals in every field, as well as the music of musical giants in every genre, living and dead.

[Geez... So what's your problem, Sparky?]   

The Goog's contempt for "users." 

"There are only two industries that call their customers 'users': illegal drugs and software." -Edward Tufte

Now, just for fun, imagine some old geezer watching/listening to Coffee With Scott Adams which is usually about an hour-long with a new episode available every day.

Our hero is in the midst of a series of physical therapist prescribed exercises to relieve his spinal stenosis, as well as some other exercises, while listening to Mr. Adam's observations on life in these United States (HT: Reader's Digest) at a playback speed of 1.25 or even 1.5 as Mr. Adam's tends to ramble. 

Imagine our hero's reaction when he's lying on his back and for whatever algorithmically determined reason, the adverts are coming more frequently and are longer than usual and he doesn't want to keep getting up to click through them. 

[Imagine that our cowardly "hero" keeps postponing back surgery because of all the people he knows that back surgery did nothing for, or even made worse, and who's too cheap to pay for ad-free YouTube.]    

Imagine our hero, who worked full-time mostly at physically demanding jobs for 45 years or so and is scraping by on an embarrassingly humble fixed income decides that for the very first time he's going to complain to YouTube. 

YouTube, if you're unaware, is owned by (insert ominous music here) — the Goog. 

It can't be done. 

[Wait-wait-wait. I know for a fact you went looking and there are all sorts of ways to complain about...]

Only the sorts of things the Goog permits you to complain about. Try it my dear gentlereaders. You'll be shunted into categories of the Goog's choosing and none of these categories will enable you to complain about too much advertising. 

[You know... Given your, um, advancing age, and the fact that you have little patience for what amounts to having to take a class to accomplish...]

What should be simple to accomplish...

[Perhaps, um, it's you, and...]

I repeat, what  should  be  simple  to  accomplish. 

Particularly in light of the fact that I'm old enough to know there's no such thing as a free lunch, that I'm the product, and that the Goog gets a little richer and more powerful every day by peering over my shoulder and selling my, nay everyone's data, to the highest bidder.

[Nay?] 

Yea. 

[Are you done? Do you feel better yet?]  

I do feel a little better, yes, but not having hit my word limit yet I'm not quite done. 

On an unrelated note...

America, the Harris/Biden campaign is refusing to answer an existentially important question. If elected, and if they can persuade our corrupt and dysfunctional Congress to go along, are they prepared to destroy the Republic?

[Destroy the Republic? All they're saying is that it's not fair, due to historical serendipitousness, that we might soon have a Supreme Court top-heavy with sticks in the mud that insist on interpreting the constitution literally instead of creatively so...] 

So that if Krafty Kamala/Uncle Joe is in charge and the Dems get control of the Senate they can appoint as many like-minded Supremes with lifetime appointments as needed to create a mini House of Lords to save us from ourselves. 

[Well, there's nothing in that moldy old constitution that says they can't so...]

So the hell with that pesky checks and balances thing, the end justifies the means, right? What's the worst that could happen?

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Free bonus content! Quotations from Chairman Eric. Sample: "I actually think most people don't want Google to answer their questions. They want Google to tell them what they should be doing next."

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A Quotable Quote

                                   Schottenstein portrait of H.L. Mencken  

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine." -H.L. Mencken

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

This week's quote (above) is embedded in the header of my charming web page. 

I wish I had a pithy quote handy that elegantly expressed why a web page on a screen at least the size of a laptops is so much more conducive to mindful reading than the ubiquitous smartphone but...

[You're digressing right out of the gate. I suggest you stay in your lane while there are still a few gentlepersons left in the world who read more than a title or headline, and possibly a paragraph or two, before moving on.]

You're right, Dana. We've probably already lost half of our potential audience.

The reason I like the quote above so much is twofold. 

First, the reminder that one is always here and that it is always now. 

[Huh?]

While language and logic would seem to indicate that life is a series of discrete nows following one right after the other: now it's now, and now it's now, and now... That's not the nature of reality. There's no way to divvy up now.  

[Wait-wait-wait. You're talking to me, now. If you talk to me tomorrow you'll be talking to me, later. There's now, and there's later.]  

But when I talk to you tomorrow it will be, now. It's always now. 

[Balderdash! Tomorrow is... later!]

We spoke yesterday, right?

[Yeaaahhh, but...]

Well is it later yet or is it now again? Or, is it always, now? Feels like now to me; it always feels like it's now to me, and, I suspect, everyone else. 

[But when I think about the past or plan for the future...] 

It's always now. And when you do something in the future it'll feel as much like now as now now does. 

[Are you having an acid flashback again or...]

Nope. I'm just...

[Wait-wait-wait. I'm standing, here. If I take a step to my left I'll be standing, there, right? You thought I forgot about...]

Go ahead, take a step to your left, good. Now, Dana, where are you?

[Here, I'm right... I hate you.]  

I'm sorry, there's a method to my madness beyond just messing with your head, two of 'em actually. I personally love words and working with words, but words are symbols, handy tools that point at reality, but they're not reality. 

Also, most H. sapiens, by nature, spend a great deal of time reliving the past and/or worrying about/planning for the future in the midst of the here and now. While these are both useful functions it's always here and it's always now.  

While a wise man/woman/person must learn from the past and often postpone gratification for the sake of actually having a future that's worth living, if you spend too much time living in the past/future you'll die without ever having actually lived.

An awful lot of H. Sapiens are suddenly (and often brutally) deleted every day while making other plans. Keeping this in mind helps to keep things in perspective. Keeping this in mind takes some of the sting out of the inevitable instances when life bites you on the bum and helps to keep them in perspective.  

No, I didn't forget that I said twofold, the other fold being "Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine." This reminds us that in addition to trying to remember that it's always here/now and acting accordingly we must always keep our B.S. detectors charged. 

[Nuh-Uh! It means that there's no such thing as hard facts, that everything's a matter of interpretation and subject to change.]  

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

[What the hell is that?]

Sorry, I like to keep the alarm on my B.S. detector turned all the way up. It's a geezer/geezerette/geezem thing, the result of the natural hearing loss that occurs with aging exacerbated by too many unnaturally loud rock concerts. 

[What's a geezem?] 

An old person that prefers not to self-identify as a traditional male or female. Anyways, to paraphrase Jordan Peterson from a video I can't find: obviously, any-thing can be interpreted any-way. 

BIG BUT. So what?

There are only a limited amount of useful interpretations that will prove to be true (or not true) enough based on practical results in the real world. 

Mencken's obvious hyperbole is about keeping an open mind. It's not an endorsement of the currently popular childish nihilism that's used to justify things like mob justice and claiming science is a social construct. 

This would be a great closing sentence if I had thought of one...

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet