Users

                                 Larry and Sergey and Eric — Oh My!

                                 Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"When I showed up, I thought this was the stupidest rule ever, because there's no book about evil except maybe, you know, the Bible or something." -Eric Schmidt, former chairman/CEO of the Goog — now a (technically) married international playboy — commenting on the Goog's now-defunct rule, Don't be evil  

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Recently, noticing a marked increase in advertising when I'm watching YouTube I decided to complain — not that I expected this would accomplish anything beyond making me feel better for a half a minute or so. 

[Are you aware that for 12 bucks a month YouTube will supply you with unlimited, ad-free content?]

Well, yeah, but...

[Are you aware of the fact that the H. sapiens that provide YouTubes content get a cut of the advertising revenue and/or a cut from the subscription fee?]

Well, yeah, but...

[And I know for a fact you're aware that a lot of content providers post content out of love for said content, or are just trying to promote their own creative efforts and don't expect to make any money from YouTube.]

I will not only stipulate to all of the above I will admit that I could write an entire column devoted to everything I love about YouTube. 

After all, it's not only possible to watch cute kitty videos, it's also possible to pull up talks by and interviews of scientists and public intellectuals in every field, as well as the music of musical giants in every genre, living and dead.

[Geez... So what's your problem, Sparky?]   

The Goog's contempt for "users." 

"There are only two industries that call their customers 'users': illegal drugs and software." -Edward Tufte

Now, just for fun, imagine some old geezer watching/listening to Coffee With Scott Adams which is usually about an hour-long with a new episode available every day.

Our hero is in the midst of a series of physical therapist prescribed exercises to relieve his spinal stenosis, as well as some other exercises, while listening to Mr. Adam's observations on life in these United States (HT: Reader's Digest) at a playback speed of 1.25 or even 1.5 as Mr. Adam's tends to ramble. 

Imagine our hero's reaction when he's lying on his back and for whatever algorithmically determined reason, the adverts are coming more frequently and are longer than usual and he doesn't want to keep getting up to click through them. 

[Imagine that our cowardly "hero" keeps postponing back surgery because of all the people he knows that back surgery did nothing for, or even made worse, and who's too cheap to pay for ad-free YouTube.]    

Imagine our hero, who worked full-time mostly at physically demanding jobs for 45 years or so and is scraping by on an embarrassingly humble fixed income decides that for the very first time he's going to complain to YouTube. 

YouTube, if you're unaware, is owned by (insert ominous music here) — the Goog. 

It can't be done. 

[Wait-wait-wait. I know for a fact you went looking and there are all sorts of ways to complain about...]

Only the sorts of things the Goog permits you to complain about. Try it my dear gentlereaders. You'll be shunted into categories of the Goog's choosing and none of these categories will enable you to complain about too much advertising. 

[You know... Given your, um, advancing age, and the fact that you have little patience for what amounts to having to take a class to accomplish...]

What should be simple to accomplish...

[Perhaps, um, it's you, and...]

I repeat, what  should  be  simple  to  accomplish. 

Particularly in light of the fact that I'm old enough to know there's no such thing as a free lunch, that I'm the product, and that the Goog gets a little richer and more powerful every day by peering over my shoulder and selling my, nay everyone's data, to the highest bidder.

[Nay?] 

Yea. 

[Are you done? Do you feel better yet?]  

I do feel a little better, yes, but not having hit my word limit yet I'm not quite done. 

On an unrelated note...

America, the Harris/Biden campaign is refusing to answer an existentially important question. If elected, and if they can persuade our corrupt and dysfunctional Congress to go along, are they prepared to destroy the Republic?

[Destroy the Republic? All they're saying is that it's not fair, due to historical serendipitousness, that we might soon have a Supreme Court top-heavy with sticks in the mud that insist on interpreting the constitution literally instead of creatively so...] 

So that if Krafty Kamala/Uncle Joe is in charge and the Dems get control of the Senate they can appoint as many like-minded Supremes with lifetime appointments as needed to create a mini House of Lords to save us from ourselves. 

[Well, there's nothing in that moldy old constitution that says they can't so...]

So the hell with that pesky checks and balances thing, the end justifies the means, right? What's the worst that could happen?

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Free bonus content! Quotations from Chairman Eric. Sample: "I actually think most people don't want Google to answer their questions. They want Google to tell them what they should be doing next."

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A Quotable Quote

                                   Schottenstein portrait of H.L. Mencken  

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine." -H.L. Mencken

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

This week's quote (above) is embedded in the header of my charming web page. 

I wish I had a pithy quote handy that elegantly expressed why a web page on a screen at least the size of a laptops is so much more conducive to mindful reading than the ubiquitous smartphone but...

[You're digressing right out of the gate. I suggest you stay in your lane while there are still a few gentlepersons left in the world who read more than a title or headline, and possibly a paragraph or two, before moving on.]

You're right, Dana. We've probably already lost half of our potential audience.

The reason I like the quote above so much is twofold. 

First, the reminder that one is always here and that it is always now. 

[Huh?]

While language and logic would seem to indicate that life is a series of discrete nows following one right after the other: now it's now, and now it's now, and now... That's not the nature of reality. There's no way to divvy up now.  

[Wait-wait-wait. You're talking to me, now. If you talk to me tomorrow you'll be talking to me, later. There's now, and there's later.]  

But when I talk to you tomorrow it will be, now. It's always now. 

[Balderdash! Tomorrow is... later!]

We spoke yesterday, right?

[Yeaaahhh, but...]

Well is it later yet or is it now again? Or, is it always, now? Feels like now to me; it always feels like it's now to me, and, I suspect, everyone else. 

[But when I think about the past or plan for the future...] 

It's always now. And when you do something in the future it'll feel as much like now as now now does. 

[Are you having an acid flashback again or...]

Nope. I'm just...

[Wait-wait-wait. I'm standing, here. If I take a step to my left I'll be standing, there, right? You thought I forgot about...]

Go ahead, take a step to your left, good. Now, Dana, where are you?

[Here, I'm right... I hate you.]  

I'm sorry, there's a method to my madness beyond just messing with your head, two of 'em actually. I personally love words and working with words, but words are symbols, handy tools that point at reality, but they're not reality. 

Also, most H. sapiens, by nature, spend a great deal of time reliving the past and/or worrying about/planning for the future in the midst of the here and now. While these are both useful functions it's always here and it's always now.  

While a wise man/woman/person must learn from the past and often postpone gratification for the sake of actually having a future that's worth living, if you spend too much time living in the past/future you'll die without ever having actually lived.

An awful lot of H. Sapiens are suddenly (and often brutally) deleted every day while making other plans. Keeping this in mind helps to keep things in perspective. Keeping this in mind takes some of the sting out of the inevitable instances when life bites you on the bum and helps to keep them in perspective.  

No, I didn't forget that I said twofold, the other fold being "Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine." This reminds us that in addition to trying to remember that it's always here/now and acting accordingly we must always keep our B.S. detectors charged. 

[Nuh-Uh! It means that there's no such thing as hard facts, that everything's a matter of interpretation and subject to change.]  

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

[What the hell is that?]

Sorry, I like to keep the alarm on my B.S. detector turned all the way up. It's a geezer/geezerette/geezem thing, the result of the natural hearing loss that occurs with aging exacerbated by too many unnaturally loud rock concerts. 

[What's a geezem?] 

An old person that prefers not to self-identify as a traditional male or female. Anyways, to paraphrase Jordan Peterson from a video I can't find: obviously, any-thing can be interpreted any-way. 

BIG BUT. So what?

There are only a limited amount of useful interpretations that will prove to be true (or not true) enough based on practical results in the real world. 

Mencken's obvious hyperbole is about keeping an open mind. It's not an endorsement of the currently popular childish nihilism that's used to justify things like mob justice and claiming science is a social construct. 

This would be a great closing sentence if I had thought of one...

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

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Cranky don't tweet 

 

Did You Watch That... Debate?

                                                           Image by skeeze from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."                                                                                                      -Mark Twain

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Did you watch that... debate?

Oh, before I forget, when I'm king, my very first decree will outlaw the use of stereos on motorcycles. While I've no immediate plans to set a decibel limit on how loud motorcycle engines are permitted to be my privy council and I will take it under consideration.

[Wait-wait-wait. Decree? I thought you were running a write-in campaign to become a king like the sort they have, well, had, in the United Kingdom. What's going on here? There's nothing being reported by the media...] 

You've heard it here first, folks. I'm now calling for a gentle coup dˊetat. I'm hoping that a couple-three rogue colonels, maybe even a general, step up and place me on the throne. 

I mean, did you watch that... debate?

Make that a throne, of sorts, a comfy office chair will do. I only want to be king for a couple of years and then retire with a modest pension and Medicare with a good supplement. 

With a little luck, the two geezers on offer from the stale and corrupted machines that claim to be the Republican and Democratic parties will move to the Villages and run for the presidency of the homeowners association and we can have a fresh campaign with fresher candidates. 

[What's this nonsense about a "gentle" coup dˊtat? Have you abandoned your campaign slogan and your write-in campaign?]  

Did you watch that... debate?

Well, I still think that Make(ing) American Polite Again may help to stop the decline of Western Civilization but desperate times call for desperate measures. Fun fact, that proverb is based on something Hippocrates wrote about treating extreme diseases with extreme methods. 

[        ] 

The plague? Shutting down the economy? Hell, shutting down everything, or at least trying to? The debate? See what I did there?

[Uh-huh, very clever. A "gentle" coup dˊtat?]

Yeah, only kill one or two people who are too stupid or evil to live anyway to scare everyone else into line. I'm thinking... well, nevermind.

The Donald's not going to suddenly start acting like a grown-up if reelected and the members of the "resistance" aren't going to start acting like grown-ups if Uncle Joe — who became a professional politician a half-century ago and is running for president for the third time — is in charge. 

Refusing to accept that there's such a thing as human nature, maintaining that biology is a social construct, and judging everything and everyone from the present and the past against an imaginary utopia in the future is madness.

Boomers from both sides running a tab they expect their kids and grandkids to pay is madness.  

And speaking of soft coups, the Russian collusion gambit looks like an attempted soft coup by the FBI since the Steele dossier was compiled with the help of a Russian spy. The FBI knew it and launched the investigation that launched a thousand news stories and congressional hearings (and trashed a couple of lives) anyway.    

Not that most of the media have had much to say about that. Nothing to see here folks, let's move on. Say, Didja hear about Gwyneth Paltrow posing nude?

Did you watch that... debate? 

[Listen, you can't just...]

I know, I know, but man, what if I could? What if I could make a deal with my fellow Citizens of the Republic?

What if could run the country for two years, by decree, and at the end of two years all of my decrees would be subject to an up or down vote? 

Second decree: The current presidential election is postponed till 2022.  

Third decree: Congressional term limits. Two, four-year terms for the House and two six-year terms in the Senate. 

Fourth decree: In 2022 all current congressional terms are null and void. We elect a new House and Senate, from scratch. 

Fifth decree: Amending the constitution can be done by a two-thirds majority of both houses and the president's signature and a national referendum that passes with 75% of the votes cast. 

BIG BUT...

Sixth decree: The electoral college will remain unchanged. The constitution will be amended to say that the Supreme Court will consist of nine judges with 20-year term limits. To change either of these two provisions requires using the traditional amendment process. We're a democratic republic, not a democracy. 

BECAUSE...

Three individuals spring immediately to mind for some reason: Crazy (bring me my ice cream) Nancy, Chuck (which camera should I look into?) Boomer, and Alexandria (follow me on Twitter!) Ocasio Cortez — America's favorite former bartender/waitress with a degree in economics and international relations from our world-class education system.  

Seventh decree: The constitution is amended to enshrine real, not virtual, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington style Filibustering that can only be ended by a supermajority vote. All Filibusters will be broadcast live.

[I don't even know what that...]

Four words: world-class education system. 

[Like, whatever. You're over the word limit.] 

I'm just getting warmed up, let's talk about a national blue law. America's closed on Sundays and... Alright, alright, I'll stop.

But did you watch that... debate?

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

P.S. All my best to the Donald and all of my fellow geezers/geezerettes/geezems suffering from Boomer-B-Gone. Take care, be well, and here's hoping you can afford to live in the Villages (if you actually want to).  

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

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Cranky don't tweet.