This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.
"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason." -Mark Twain
Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),
Did you watch that... debate?
Oh, before I forget, when I'm king, my very first decree will outlaw the use of stereos on motorcycles. While I've no immediate plans to set a decibel limit on how loud motorcycle engines are permitted to be my privy council and I will take it under consideration.
[Wait-wait-wait. Decree? I thought you were running a write-in campaign to become a king like the sort they have, well, had, in the United Kingdom. What's going on here? There's nothing being reported by the media...]
You've heard it here first, folks. I'm now calling for a gentle coup dˊetat. I'm hoping that a couple-three rogue colonels, maybe even a general, step up and place me on the throne.
I mean, did you watch that... debate?
Make that a throne, of sorts, a comfy office chair will do. I only want to be king for a couple of years and then retire with a modest pension and Medicare with a good supplement.
With a little luck, the two geezers on offer from the stale and corrupted machines that claim to be the Republican and Democratic parties will move to the Villages and run for the presidency of the homeowners association and we can have a fresh campaign with fresher candidates.
[What's this nonsense about a "gentle" coup dˊtat? Have you abandoned your campaign slogan and your write-in campaign?]
Did you watch that... debate?
Well, I still think that Make(ing) American Polite Again may help to stop the decline of Western Civilization but desperate times call for desperate measures. Fun fact, that proverb is based on something Hippocrates wrote about treating extreme diseases with extreme methods.
The plague? Shutting down the economy? Hell, shutting down everything, or at least trying to? The debate? See what I did there?
[Uh-huh, very clever. A "gentle" coup dˊtat?]
Yeah, only kill one or two people who are too stupid or evil to live anyway to scare everyone else into line. I'm thinking... well, nevermind.
The Donald's not going to suddenly start acting like a grown-up if reelected and the members of the "resistance" aren't going to start acting like grown-ups if Uncle Joe — who became a professional politician a half-century ago and is running for president for the third time — is in charge.
Refusing to accept that there's such a thing as human nature, maintaining that biology is a social construct, and judging everything and everyone from the present and the past against an imaginary utopia in the future is madness.
Boomers from both sides running a tab they expect their kids and grandkids to pay is madness.
And speaking of soft coups, the Russian collusion gambit looks like an attempted soft coup by the FBI since the Steele dossier was compiled with the help of a Russian spy. The FBI knew it and launched the investigation that launched a thousand news stories and congressional hearings (and trashed a couple of lives) anyway.
Not that most of the media have had much to say about that. Nothing to see here folks, let's move on. Say, Didja hear about Gwyneth Paltrow posing nude?
Did you watch that... debate?
[Listen, you can't just...]
I know, I know, but man, what if I could? What if I could make a deal with my fellow Citizens of the Republic?
What if could run the country for two years, by decree, and at the end of two years all of my decrees would be subject to an up or down vote?
Second decree: The current presidential election is postponed till 2022.
Third decree: Congressional term limits. Two, four-year terms for the House and two six-year terms in the Senate.
Fourth decree: In 2022 all current congressional terms are null and void. We elect a new House and Senate, from scratch.
Fifth decree: Amending the constitution can be done by a two-thirds majority of both houses and the president's signature and a national referendum that passes with 75% of the votes cast.
Sixth decree: The electoral college will remain unchanged. The constitution will be amended to say that the Supreme Court will consist of nine judges with 20-year term limits. To change either of these two provisions requires using the traditional amendment process. We're a democratic republic, not a democracy.
Three individuals spring immediately to mind for some reason: Crazy (bring me my ice cream) Nancy, Chuck (which camera should I look into?) Boomer, and Alexandria (follow me on Twitter!) Ocasio Cortez — America's favorite former bartender/waitress with a degree in economics and international relations from our world-class education system.
Seventh decree: The constitution is amended to enshrine real, not virtual, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington style Filibustering that can only be ended by a supermajority vote. All Filibusters will be broadcast live.
[I don't even know what that...]
Four words: world-class education system.
[Like, whatever. You're over the word limit.]
I'm just getting warmed up, let's talk about a national blue law. America's closed on Sundays and... Alright, alright, I'll stop.
But did you watch that... debate?
Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day
P.S. All my best to the Donald and all of my fellow geezers/geezerettes/geezems suffering from Boomer-B-Gone. Take care, be well, and here's hoping you can afford to live in the Villages (if you actually want to).
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