A Quotable Quote

                                   Schottenstein portrait of H.L. Mencken  

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine." -H.L. Mencken

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

This week's quote (above) is embedded in the header of my charming web page. 

I wish I had a pithy quote handy that elegantly expressed why a web page on a screen at least the size of a laptops is so much more conducive to mindful reading than the ubiquitous smartphone but...

[You're digressing right out of the gate. I suggest you stay in your lane while there are still a few gentlepersons left in the world who read more than a title or headline, and possibly a paragraph or two, before moving on.]

You're right, Dana. We've probably already lost half of our potential audience.

The reason I like the quote above so much is twofold. 

First, the reminder that one is always here and that it is always now. 

[Huh?]

While language and logic would seem to indicate that life is a series of discrete nows following one right after the other: now it's now, and now it's now, and now... That's not the nature of reality. There's no way to divvy up now.  

[Wait-wait-wait. You're talking to me, now. If you talk to me tomorrow you'll be talking to me, later. There's now, and there's later.]  

But when I talk to you tomorrow it will be, now. It's always now. 

[Balderdash! Tomorrow is... later!]

We spoke yesterday, right?

[Yeaaahhh, but...]

Well is it later yet or is it now again? Or, is it always, now? Feels like now to me; it always feels like it's now to me, and, I suspect, everyone else. 

[But when I think about the past or plan for the future...] 

It's always now. And when you do something in the future it'll feel as much like now as now now does. 

[Are you having an acid flashback again or...]

Nope. I'm just...

[Wait-wait-wait. I'm standing, here. If I take a step to my left I'll be standing, there, right? You thought I forgot about...]

Go ahead, take a step to your left, good. Now, Dana, where are you?

[Here, I'm right... I hate you.]  

I'm sorry, there's a method to my madness beyond just messing with your head, two of 'em actually. I personally love words and working with words, but words are symbols, handy tools that point at reality, but they're not reality. 

Also, most H. sapiens, by nature, spend a great deal of time reliving the past and/or worrying about/planning for the future in the midst of the here and now. While these are both useful functions it's always here and it's always now.  

While a wise man/woman/person must learn from the past and often postpone gratification for the sake of actually having a future that's worth living, if you spend too much time living in the past/future you'll die without ever having actually lived.

An awful lot of H. Sapiens are suddenly (and often brutally) deleted every day while making other plans. Keeping this in mind helps to keep things in perspective. Keeping this in mind takes some of the sting out of the inevitable instances when life bites you on the bum and helps to keep them in perspective.  

No, I didn't forget that I said twofold, the other fold being "Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine." This reminds us that in addition to trying to remember that it's always here/now and acting accordingly we must always keep our B.S. detectors charged. 

[Nuh-Uh! It means that there's no such thing as hard facts, that everything's a matter of interpretation and subject to change.]  

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

[What the hell is that?]

Sorry, I like to keep the alarm on my B.S. detector turned all the way up. It's a geezer/geezerette/geezem thing, the result of the natural hearing loss that occurs with aging exacerbated by too many unnaturally loud rock concerts. 

[What's a geezem?] 

An old person that prefers not to self-identify as a traditional male or female. Anyways, to paraphrase Jordan Peterson from a video I can't find: obviously, any-thing can be interpreted any-way. 

BIG BUT. So what?

There are only a limited amount of useful interpretations that will prove to be true (or not true) enough based on practical results in the real world. 

Mencken's obvious hyperbole is about keeping an open mind. It's not an endorsement of the currently popular childish nihilism that's used to justify things like mob justice and claiming science is a social construct. 

This would be a great closing sentence if I had thought of one...

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

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Did You Watch That... Debate?

                                                           Image by skeeze from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."                                                                                                      -Mark Twain

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Did you watch that... debate?

Oh, before I forget, when I'm king, my very first decree will outlaw the use of stereos on motorcycles. While I've no immediate plans to set a decibel limit on how loud motorcycle engines are permitted to be my privy council and I will take it under consideration.

[Wait-wait-wait. Decree? I thought you were running a write-in campaign to become a king like the sort they have, well, had, in the United Kingdom. What's going on here? There's nothing being reported by the media...] 

You've heard it here first, folks. I'm now calling for a gentle coup dˊetat. I'm hoping that a couple-three rogue colonels, maybe even a general, step up and place me on the throne. 

I mean, did you watch that... debate?

Make that a throne, of sorts, a comfy office chair will do. I only want to be king for a couple of years and then retire with a modest pension and Medicare with a good supplement. 

With a little luck, the two geezers on offer from the stale and corrupted machines that claim to be the Republican and Democratic parties will move to the Villages and run for the presidency of the homeowners association and we can have a fresh campaign with fresher candidates. 

[What's this nonsense about a "gentle" coup dˊtat? Have you abandoned your campaign slogan and your write-in campaign?]  

Did you watch that... debate?

Well, I still think that Make(ing) American Polite Again may help to stop the decline of Western Civilization but desperate times call for desperate measures. Fun fact, that proverb is based on something Hippocrates wrote about treating extreme diseases with extreme methods. 

[        ] 

The plague? Shutting down the economy? Hell, shutting down everything, or at least trying to? The debate? See what I did there?

[Uh-huh, very clever. A "gentle" coup dˊtat?]

Yeah, only kill one or two people who are too stupid or evil to live anyway to scare everyone else into line. I'm thinking... well, nevermind.

The Donald's not going to suddenly start acting like a grown-up if reelected and the members of the "resistance" aren't going to start acting like grown-ups if Uncle Joe — who became a professional politician a half-century ago and is running for president for the third time — is in charge. 

Refusing to accept that there's such a thing as human nature, maintaining that biology is a social construct, and judging everything and everyone from the present and the past against an imaginary utopia in the future is madness.

Boomers from both sides running a tab they expect their kids and grandkids to pay is madness.  

And speaking of soft coups, the Russian collusion gambit looks like an attempted soft coup by the FBI since the Steele dossier was compiled with the help of a Russian spy. The FBI knew it and launched the investigation that launched a thousand news stories and congressional hearings (and trashed a couple of lives) anyway.    

Not that most of the media have had much to say about that. Nothing to see here folks, let's move on. Say, Didja hear about Gwyneth Paltrow posing nude?

Did you watch that... debate? 

[Listen, you can't just...]

I know, I know, but man, what if I could? What if I could make a deal with my fellow Citizens of the Republic?

What if could run the country for two years, by decree, and at the end of two years all of my decrees would be subject to an up or down vote? 

Second decree: The current presidential election is postponed till 2022.  

Third decree: Congressional term limits. Two, four-year terms for the House and two six-year terms in the Senate. 

Fourth decree: In 2022 all current congressional terms are null and void. We elect a new House and Senate, from scratch. 

Fifth decree: Amending the constitution can be done by a two-thirds majority of both houses and the president's signature and a national referendum that passes with 75% of the votes cast. 

BIG BUT...

Sixth decree: The electoral college will remain unchanged. The constitution will be amended to say that the Supreme Court will consist of nine judges with 20-year term limits. To change either of these two provisions requires using the traditional amendment process. We're a democratic republic, not a democracy. 

BECAUSE...

Three individuals spring immediately to mind for some reason: Crazy (bring me my ice cream) Nancy, Chuck (which camera should I look into?) Boomer, and Alexandria (follow me on Twitter!) Ocasio Cortez — America's favorite former bartender/waitress with a degree in economics and international relations from our world-class education system.  

Seventh decree: The constitution is amended to enshrine real, not virtual, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington style Filibustering that can only be ended by a supermajority vote. All Filibusters will be broadcast live.

[I don't even know what that...]

Four words: world-class education system. 

[Like, whatever. You're over the word limit.] 

I'm just getting warmed up, let's talk about a national blue law. America's closed on Sundays and... Alright, alright, I'll stop.

But did you watch that... debate?

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

P.S. All my best to the Donald and all of my fellow geezers/geezerettes/geezems suffering from Boomer-B-Gone. Take care, be well, and here's hoping you can afford to live in the Villages (if you actually want to).  

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

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Cranky don't tweet.

Famous for Being Famous

Contain your excitement! Two Random Randomnesses Columns in a Row!

                                        Image by Luis Díaz from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"I am a deeply superficial person." -Andy Warhol

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders), 

The famous for being famous artist(?) from my hometown, Pittsburgh (with an h), Andy Warhol, famously said that "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes."  

Welcome to the future.

While every one will not be world-famous for 15 minutes it's not for lack of trying by many ones.  

Be ye the star of a "reality" television show, an influencer on social media commanding a rabid army of "followers", or this gentleperson...

Fame, perhaps even fortune, beckons.

The internet has made it possible for any given one to be a legend in his/her/their own mind regardless of how famous he/she/they actually is/are(?). 

[Your endless lame joke lampooning pronoun obsession is getting old.]

As are we all, Dana, at least hopefully. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to insert my favorite tidbit of plague humor. Remember...

[Please, don't! I take it back! I...]

Remember folks, eat well, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of water, exercise vigorously, take vitamin D — and die anyway.

The Notorious RBG, as you likely are aware, has died. While I wasn't a fan, perhaps now I'll look more closely. I've always meant to since I was, and still am — he gave great interview — a fan of Antonin Scalia and he and she were famously good friends.

At the risk of being accused of speaking ill of the dead, however, if we amended the Constitution so that the Supremes were limited to terms of 20 years she would have retired long before the serious health problems she's suffered from for the last several years manifested. 

I've no idea if said problems negatively impacted her performance, but, at the time the Founding Pasty Patriarchs decided the Supremes should serve for life the average H. sapien only lived to the age of 38. 

Full disclosure: If you lived to be 60 there was a good chance you'd hang on till you were 75 — but Justice Ginsburg was 87.

[Gave great interview? That sounds a bit tacky don't you...]

Well, he did, and there's a lot of 'em available on the web that I can't recommend enough to my gentlereaders. Incidentally, when asked how he, a rock-ribbed, commonsensical conservative would amend the constitution he said that it should be easier to amend the constitution.

If it were, perhaps the Wokies and Neojacobins would stop trying to turn the SCOTUS into a second legislature and instead reform the actual legislature. 

When I'm elected king my historical claim to fame will be twofold. First, obviously, for my campaign slogan, Make America Polite Again.

More importantly, my unflagging commitment to amending the constitution to include congressional term limits. I'm open to negotiation and compromise for establishing how long a given senator or congressman/woman/person may remain in office before having to vacate the swamp and rejoin the real world. 

A willingness to compromise to achieve lasting solutions so that life in America is about more interesting things than all politics/all litigation all the time is the mark of a civilized gentleperson.

As long as it's possible to be a professional congressperson from a carefully gerrymandered district or a senator in the pocket of this, that, or the other special interest group(s), for decades, we're fucked.

To fully appreciate how I wish the result of this formerly shocking and powerful word-bomb would be, you have to be old enough to appreciate what the blast radius would've been had it been uttered by Sister Mary McGillicuddy in the 1950s. 

[Gasp! You hypocrite! Always going on about how the f-bomb has been turned into a f-firecracker...]       

Guilty as charged, but yes, it has. I object to the dumbing down of profanity to the point that cussin' ain't cussin' anymore, the verbal equivalent of defining deviancy down.

I object to taking away the power of certain words so as to neuter them because everything doesn't and shouldn't go because...

[Why you gotta' be so judgy all the time?]

Because when it does, calling a painting of Campbell's Soup cans art leads to calling a photograph of a plastic crucifix dipped in urine art.    

A Tragedy of Errors. I offer no links, you're on your own. Facts won't change the minds of ideologues or the efforts of professional propagandists anyway. 

On 3/13/20 Breonna Taylor was accidentally killed when her boyfriend engaged in a firefight with police who had entered her apartment. He fired first, wounding one of the cops and they returned fire. He was wounded, she, tragically, was killed. 

One of the cops is in trouble because some of his shots went wild and endangered the occupants of the apartment next door.

The police had a warrant, originally a "no-knock" warrant that had been amended to knock and announce which they maintain they did. A witness backs them up. 

The reason the police were there is that a former boyfriend of Ms. Taylor's, a known drug dealer, had been observed picking up packages he'd had delivered to her apartment. 

Two special prosecutors appointed by Kentucky's African-American Attorney General, and a grand jury, only charged the cop that accidentally shot into the apartment next door. 

If Brionna Taylor and her boyfriend had been white most Americans would've never heard about what happened. Just the facts, ma'am.

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.