That's Life

Image by WikiImages from Pixabay

                                          

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"So-called real life is just high school with money." -Omar von Puffendorf

Dear Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders), 

That's Life,  and with apologies to Frank Sinatra, Kelly Gordon, and Dean Kay — I tell ya, I can't deny it. 

[Deny what? And what's with all the links?]

It's a phrase from the song, and as to...

[What song?]

The song Frank Sinatra made famous back in...

[Oh, that song. I know that song. It's from that movie, The Joker, right? Have you seen it?]

Have not and will not. I'm not sophisticated enough to appreciate comic book inspired nihilism, despair, and violence masquerading as art.

[Dude!, It won a bunch of awards! It...]

It tells you everything you need to know about Hollywood and what passes for entertainment nowadays, Dana.

[Boring old fart!]

Hallucination!

Recently, in the course of one of my obligatory brisk walks around Mr. Cranky's neighborhood (geezercise), Mr. Sinatra's version of this song escaped from the zeitgeist of the mid-sixties and reincarnated as an earworm within the confines of my macrocephalic visage.

[Macrocephalic visage? Ain't that a fancy way of saying you have a big head, Charlie Brown?]   

Well, yes, but unlike Master Charles Brown, I have a manly trunk and a remarkable head of hair for someone about to turn 39 for the 28th time.

[Tanklike trunk is more like it, and you might be more circumspect about using the antiquated honorific "master," all things considered. Wait! You just did that to stir the sh..., provoke the poop.]

(At this point in the story your humble correspondent's eyes rolled up, a sly grin manifested, and in a singsong voice he said, "dum de dum de dum.")

When I got home from my walk I decided to google the lyrics for That's Life. As you may (or may not) be aware, the song in question was a hooge hit for Frank Sinatra in 1965.

I've developed a recent fascination with song lyrics and the web makes it possible to retrieve the lyrics of nearly any song nearly instantly. I find the dramatic contrast between reading the lyrics without the music and hearing the exact same words sung while music is playing particularly interesting.

If you've ever done this I'm sure you're aware of the dramatic emotional impact imparted to often quite simple, straightforward words when they're sung and accompanied by competently played musical instruments.

Music has the power to tap emotional reservoirs even when the lyrics are somewhat simplistic, or even if the lyrics aren't actually lyrics. 

[How do you sing a song without lyrics?]

Howsabout Clare Torry singing on Pink Floyd's The Great Gig In The Sky from the multimillion-selling, and still selling, The Dark Side of the Moon. (Apropos of nothing much, in today's money she was paid the equivalent of about $500.)

And don't forget the immortal Ella Fitzgerald, MASTER (mistress?) of both lyrical and scat singing.

[Who? What?]

Never mind.

[Hold up a second, you never explained the links that you started this column with.] 

Good point. Mr. Sinatra made the song his own by working his magic and slightly tweaking the original lyrics. Messrs. Gordon and Kay are the songwriters.

[Which has what to do with...] 

Well, while confirming my suspicion that I'd find relatively simple, relatively brief lyrics — summation: life's an emotional roller coaster but I'll never stop riding it till I can't — I also discovered the song has its own Wikipedia entry. 

Dean Kay, 80, had and continues to have, a world-class career in the music industry. Kelly Gordon also did quite well  — till he died from lung cancer back in 1981 at the age of 49. 

That's life.

Marion Montgomery was the first artist to record the song, in 1963, but it failed to chart. O.C. Smith, a struggling artist who didn't have a hit till '68, released his version in February of '66. It charted but only made it to #127 on Billboard's famous list.

BIG BUT... Sinatra heard Smith's version of the song on his car radio and released his version in November of the same year. Result: #4 on the "Hot 100" chart and #1 on the "Easy Listening chart."

That's also life. 

On the other hand... In 1968 Roger Miller released a song that was written for him, Little Green Apples, that made it to #39 on the Hot 100 chart. O.C. Smith released his version that same year which made it to #2 and sold over 1,000,000 copies. 

[Allrigtalready! I get it, you're trying to teach the Stickies something but geez...]

Did you know that when Mr. Smith's version of Little Green Apples reached number two that the Beatle'es Hey, Jude was number one? Do you realize that...

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me viaCranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

                                                 Image by 849356 from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

  

"Seventy is old enough. After that there is too much risk." -Mark Twain 

Dear Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

Chris Wallace, anchor of Fox News Sunday, recently interviewed the Donald on FNS. I didn't watch the interview, nor do I plan to. I did read about it, however, and was pleased to learn that the fearless Mr. Wallace occasionally responded to one of Daffy Donald's, um, alternative facts by saying, "That's not true, sir."  

[So you're writing a column about an interview that you didn't watch?] 

No, Dana. This column is about the fact I've not been watching the accidental president for years. I've never seen the Apprentice and I didn't watch a single presidential debate. I've never watched a Trump rally or news conference and I've never watched a Coronavirus briefing.  

I'm also proud to say that I didn't watch George Stephanopoulosese's in-depth interview of Mary L. Trump and don't plan to, but I read about that too.

Being a current events junkie I have seen an occasional video clip. When you frequent as many websites as I do it's impossible to avoid verifying that The Donald vs. the Purple Press show is still on the island trapped in the swamp.

Oh, and before I forget, if any of my younger gentlereaders, or alleged journalists, would like to discover what an actual journalist is, check out Chris Wallace. 

Now, I...

[Wait-wait-wait. Accidental president?] 

Absabalutely. Well, let me qualify that a bit. No one was more shocked than the Donald when he got the Depublican nomination. He wasn't running for president he was just doing his job, hustling hoopleheads for fun and profit.  

He was as surprised as the rest of us at how easy it was to kill all the paper tigers in the circus.   

Once he secured the nomination though and found himself competing against a pair of fellow world-class hustlers, the Hilliam, he played to win. The Donald always plays to win.

[But you said he wasn't serious about wanting to be president.] 

Yes, and I stand by that. But he views life as a zero-sum game in which there are the winners and there are the losers. Anyone paying attention knew that before Mary Trump excreted her version of just how bizarre the Donald and the Donald's daddy were/are.    

[What has not watching the Mary Trump interview got to do with not watching the Donald?]

She's a hustler, just like her uncle Donnie. I don't care much for hustlers but in her defense, from what I can tell she did actually write a book that I won't be reading. The Donald pays others to write books that I'll never read. Hopefully, she'll shortly fall off the radar and I won't have to not read her work or not watch her interviews ever again.  

Now, I did read a couple of paragraphs of his most famous book, The Art of the Deal, while skimming through a copy that a former acquaintance had purchased when it first came out back in 1987. 

In retrospect, I've come to realize that that was when I started going out of my way to avoid all things Trump. Prior to that, I had just been ignoring him. I had thought of him as just another egomaniac that would never have enough fame or money.   

In his defense, he's not actually written a whole slew of books that I've never read. Ms. Trump has only written one book that I'll never read.

[Why are you calling her a hustler?]

Well, she's managed to sell over a million books and the only fresh sleaze she could come with about the Donald was that he paid someone to take his SATs, for which she readily admits she has no evidence whatsoever. 

The Donald should've made her his apprentice back when she managed to get her hands on a larger chunk of her grandfather's money (the Donald's daddy) than he had left her in his will. How did the Donald miss such obvious potential? 

On a related note: I just went to Amazon.com, selected "books," and typed in too much is never enough by mary trump. Amazon provided me with 15 hits, none of which linked to the actual book in question. Some were completely unrelated, others linked to books about the book.

If I didn't know better I'd think that the Bezoid (that's the name of Amazon's lead Alogrithmite) was pulling some crap. But recently Jeff Bezos and the other usual suspects assured Congress that they don't do that sort of thing.  

[If that's true you should provide a link to your alleged search results.]    

Wouldn't work. The Bezoid would access any given clickers file(s) and provide them with customized results designed to sell them something.  

[That's a little creepy.]  

Nah, that's just good customer service. The Bezoid loves you. 

[You were serious, you really did write an entire column about avoiding the Donald! What's your point?]

My point is that the political version of you get what you pay for is that you get who you vote for. 

My point is that most of my fellow Citizens of the Republic are still hard-working, generous people who have better things to do than follow politics closely. God bless (help) us, every-one. 

My point is that our two choices for president this year are two old geezers that are even older than I am. One who feels free to lie to Chris Wallace (and all of us) on national TV and another (clearly cognitively challenged) who is afraid to talk to Chris Wallace on national TV.

My point is that if everything keeps turning to shyte and my grandstickies should find themselves reading this someday trying to ascertain what happened and why they're still paying for it (literally and figuratively) this might help.

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

Although I'm not crazy about social media (too cranky) please feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on my Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.     

    

Portlandia's Mostly Peaceful Protestors

Photo by Amber Kipp on Unsplash

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"The 99% should be protesting college campuses." -Sebastian Thrun


Dear Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

Well, that's that then, things in Portlandia have finally calmed down. I'm sure you heard about it, it's in all the papers and on all the relevant websites.

The nightly protests continue, of course. Black lives still matter and no shortage of Portlandians show up every night for the never-ending block party. Mostly peaceful protesters march around chanting things like "No justice, no peace" and my personal favorite, "Take it to the street and fuck the police." 

Such dedication. Makes ya wonder how they get up in the morning and go to work. 

A week ago Thursday the Feds turned over the defense of the graffiti-covered and structurally damaged Mark O. Hatfield Federal Courthouse to the Oregon State Police. 

That night some mostly peaceful protestors celebrated with a pig roast. They placed a bloody pigs head wearing a cops hat on an American flag and set it on fire in front of the chain-link fence that had been erected to keep them from setting the courthouse on fire.

     

Saturday night a couple of hundred people showed up at a Portlandia police precinct. They blocked off the street, fired up their trusty laser pointers, and began tossing bottles and whatever came to hand. 

The cops declared a riot unlawful assembly and broke up this particular party. 

A headline from KGW (a local TV station) .com if you please: "2 arrested, unlawful assembly declared during otherwise peaceful night of downtown protests."  

On Monday night, according to Portlandia's channel 8 (that's KGW again), some mostly peaceful protestors decided to hang out at Portland's S.E. police precinct, block traffic, toss a few things at cops guarding the station, and chant. 

"Every city, every town, burn this precinct to the ground."

Meanwhile, back at the Hatfield Federal Courthouse, a different group of mostly peaceful protestors (MPP) scuffled with the state police that have replaced the recalled fascist storm troopers responsible for inciting all the recent violence.

It was MPPs throwing stuff vs. troopers launching pepper balls. The troopers won.  

On Tuesday night according to my new favorite TV stations website — which helpfully displays PROTESTS at the top of the page so you can go straight to the latest news — the party continued.

"Protestors march to Police Union in North Portland." Some mostly peaceful protestors decided to party at the police unions building. They set up traffic barriers (safety first!) to block off traffic and set a dumpster full of cardboard on fire. I'm guessing they were going to have a weenie roast. 

"Police just after 10:30 p.m. warned some demonstrators to stop trying to break into the police association building or face arrest or use of force." 

                                                                                   -oregonianlive.com 

"Dude, I was just, like, looking for a men's/women's/other's room." (The preceding was a fake quote made up by the irresponsible author of this column.) 

On Wednesday morning the headline of the article mentioned a few paragraphs back was changed to, "Riot declared, 3 arrested after protesters break into Portland police union headquarters" and the story was significantly revised. 

Turns out some of the mostly peaceful protestors broke into the building and tried to set it on fire. The article includes a video. "At around 11:15 p.m., a truck drove through a barricade into the crowd of people. Video showed that a bike got stuck underneath the truck as it sped away, emitting sparks."


Wednesday night... Well, another night, another mostly peaceful protest — except for some not so peaceful protestors attacking the East precinct building of the Portland police. 

"Riot declared, tear gas used outside Portland police's East Precinct as protests continue"

If you don't want to read the article, permit me to summarize. Lasers, paint, bottles, rocks, structural damage, fires, tear gas, etc. 

Towards the end of the article Channel 8 throws in a reminder: "Late on Tuesday night (my emphasis) a truck drove through a barricade and into a crowd of people in North Portland. Video showed that a bike got stuck underneath the truck as it sped away, emitting sparks. Police said nobody was hit by the truck." 

They then provide the exciting (edited) video again, but not the longer version below that took me about a half a minute to find on YouTube. It shows a mostly peaceful protestor ambushing the truck with a motorcycle and other mostly peaceful protestors going on the attack, which is why the driver then made a dramatic getaway. 

I've noticed that KGW8 has used the same subtitle for several related articles: "Demonstrators are out for a 10th consecutive week, rallying against police brutality and systemic racism," and that they've posted the same bogus, carefully edited video all over the place. 

I'm starting to doubt their objectivity. Shocking, I know. 

Thursday night.  Lasers, paint, bottles, rocks, structural damage, fires, tear gas, etc. — and I don't care anymore. 

I'm now researching Louisville, Kentucky. While I wasn't paying attention it looks like certain black people (local Black Lives Matter people) have been trying to sell protection to certain brown people (local Hispanic business owners). 

"- Purchase a minimum of 23% inventory from Black retailers or make a recurring monthly donation of 1.5% of net sales to a local Black nonprofit or organization"  

"I mean, you wouldn't want anything to happen to this beautiful restaurant, right?" (This is yet another bogus quote made up by the irresponsible author of this column.)

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

Although I'm not crazy about social media (too cranky) please feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on my Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.  

Neo-Jacobins

Image by Richard Duijnstee from Pixabay 

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"Terror is only justice: prompt, severe, and inflexible. It is then an emanation of virtue." -Maximilian Robespierre  


Dear Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

According to Wikipedia: "Today, the political terms Jacobin and Jacobinism are used in a variety of senses."

"...it is sometimes used as a pejorative for radical left-wing revolutionary politics, especially when it exhibits dogmatism and violent repression."

Just so.

[Wait-wait-wait. Let's try something new. State the point of this missive before circumnavigating the universe to get to your destination, the way they recommend in English 101. How's about a thesis statement?] 

Harumph! I can't tell you how disappointed I am that you don't appreciate the charming literary devices I employ to express the wit and wisdom of a garrulous geezer... 

[You don't actually have a point do you? You just start writing and hope that...]

My point is that the American Wokies aren't conservative, middle of the road, or progressive. They're not Republicrats or Depublicans. They are the Neo-Jacobins.

[What happened to liberals?]

Good question.

[Hold up a sec', I can't argue with dogmatic, but as for violent repression...]

If you're canceled and lose your job, perhaps your career, because the Intersectional Inquisition finds you guilty of heresy I'm guessing you're gonna feel violently repressed.

[Well, maybe, but it's not as if they literally... ]

Yeah? Talk to a small businessperson in downtown Wherever, USA. Someone that was working 16 hour days trying to make a buck when their dream was destroyed by a roving band of postmodern Hitler Youths claiming to be antifascists.    

Do you think they're grateful for all the free time they now have?    

The American Revolution, in my semi-humble opinion, turned out reasonably well. The French Revolution, which culminated in the dick-tatership of Napoleon, not so much.

America's homegrown (Neo)Jacobins don't think the American Revolution turned out well at all, that it's past time to burn everything down — metaphorically, literally, or both — and start over.

Some background for the historically/memorically challenged if you please. 

The French kicked their king to the curb shortly after helping us to kick the king of England's minions out of the colonies that were the beta-version of the USA.

The original Jacobins — the Society of the Jacobins, Friends of Freedom and Equality — was a gang political club that rose to power when France's fractious factions were fighting for turf.

Original Jacobins (OJs) were easily identifiable because of their gang colors. They wore blood-red capes and cloaks with guillotines embroidered on the back.

[You made that up.]

Yes, Dana, I did. But I am working on a business plan for a store called Guillotines-R-Us — heads will roll.

You've probably heard of the Reign of Terror and the Jacobin's most famous shot-caller, Robespierre? Eventually, even he was deemed unworthy of heading the club. 

According to Wikipedia, the final score was 16,594 executions and another 10,000 or so dead at the hands of their captors in the prisons they had been locked up in without a trial.

[Wait-wait-wait. The Neo-Jacobins have only decapitated a statue or three. How can you compare them to the OJs? And most Wokies don't embrace, at least officially, the break and burn strategery occasionally employed at the "mostly peaceful protests."]  

True, instead they like to blame the ongoing violence on Daffy Donald sending in forces to keep the mostly peaceful protestors armed with laser pointers, rocks, bottles, hammers, fireworks, Molotov cocktails — and lately, guns — from burning down federal facilities that the local gummits won't or can't protect.

I wrote a note seeking comment on the protests from Uncle Joe, who is still hiding from Covid-19 (and Chris Wallace) in his basement, and attached it to a rock that I tried to toss through a basement window in keeping with the spirit of the times.

[Nuh-uh! You're lying again.]

It bounced off, armored glass I'm guessin'. 

I also asked the IUPPPP&PPVTTOT for a comment (whose offices were recently burned to the ground by a splinter group) but they didn't respond. 

It's getting really hard to concentrate. There's a helicopter in Mr. Cranky's neighborhood that's so loud it sounds like it's hovering directly over my house so I'm going to close with a quote from an editorial written in the Washington Post by the Rev. E.D. Mondaine, president of the Portland, Oregon NAACP.

"Unfortunately, 'spectacle' is now the best way to describe Portland's protests. Vandalizing government buildings and hurling projectiles at law enforcement draw attention — but how do these actions stop police from killing black people? What are Antifa and other leftist agitators achieving for the cause of black equality?"

Well, gotta run, someone's at the door and I'm expecting an Amazon delivery from... 

CRASH!

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

Although I'm not crazy about social media (too cranky) please feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on my Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.

         

 



















       

Fireflies

Image by ĐÔ NGUYỄN from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana —  A Gentlereader

"The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning."  

                                                                                              -Mark Twain

Dear Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

What does a columnist and beloved grandfather write about when he/she/they is/are suffering from GNT (grim news fatigue)?

Fireflies.

[Fireflies? Why?]

So I'd have an excuse to write that flocks of flaming fireflies are fitfully flitting through the fields of my fiefdom this fine year.

[You don't have a fiefdom, and flocks...]

But I do have a poetic license and a song in my heart.

[Right.]

Anyways, Dana, here in the mountains of Ohio the fireflies are so numerous this year that at first I thought the IAFF-NAR (International Association of Fireflies, North American Region) was holding their annual convention in the thriving metropolis of Cleveland. 

I'm embarrassed to say that it didn't occur to me, till I did a bit of googlin', that this year's convention was canceled due to the Wuhan flu.

[Racist!]

Are you familiar with the Spanish flu, Dana?

[Are you referring to the 1918 influenza pandemic, actual origin unknown?]

I am indeed. The one that according to the CDC killed at least 50,000,000 H. sapiens while a world war was going on. But we know where our somewhat wimpy by comparison pandemic started, even the current emperor of China admits that.

[I see what you did there...]

Yeah, me too, I got sucked into talking about grim news again. Let's get back to lightning bugs...

[Hold up a sec', a bit of column housekeeping has to be dealt with. We're getting letters from people wanting to know what's up with your latest bizarre literary device, he/she/they.]

Diversity and Inclusion, of course.


When I was taught the fundamentals of reading and writing by Sister Mary McGillicuddy back in the Black&White Ages when the Patriarchy reigned virtually unchallenged, I was told that...

Well, here's a quote from Wikipedia. "The generic he serves as a pronoun whose antecedent is any noun denoting a social category under which both sexes fall: A good student always does his homework."

S'ter Mary, not woke, and thus unaware that this convention had been concocted by the Illuminati's Committee For the Suppression of Women Through Language Control, Subcommittee For English (CFSWTLC-SFE), taught us this was just a way to keep things simple.

Also, that they was reserved for plural uses. Thus: Good students always do their homework.

Once the women's liberation movement of the sixties picked up steam all sorts of people began substituting she for he to protest "male chauvinism," an oft-heard phrase at the time.

"Activism" — of minimal effort and minimal consequence — was just as popular then as it is now.


Now that the Wokies have set the college campuses on fire and the fire is spreading rapidly, pronouns have become a hooge deal because of pronoun perpetrated verbal violence inflicted upon the LGBTQ (+ this, that, and even that other thing) community.

However, many of my fellow geezers and geezerettes find that using they/them instead of he/him just looks and feels... wrong. (I'm tempted to point out that old people can be such a pain in the bum but that would be ageist.)

But with the exception of Satan's minions — white, heterosexual, cisgender, male geezers — we have to include even the Boomers in a healthy, tossed salad of diversity and inclusion to replace the high-fat, melting pot of patriarchy.   

Thus, he is for the traditionalists, she is for the formerly hip and everyone that identifies as a woman, and they is for everyone else. Hence, he/she/they. No one's left out; no one's self-esteem takes a hit.

[Wait a minute... aren't you one of Satan's minions?]

Could we get back to fireflies, please? My word allocation is running dangerously low.


I realize that my dear Stickies and gentlereaders will find this hard to believe but when I went a-googlin' to try and find out why there are so many fireflies in the Ohio mountains this year I was presented with contradictory information.

Bottom line: I found nothing about Ohio specifically but I discovered that nationwide lightning bug populations are in decline — unless they're not.

A couple of quotes from Christopher Heckscher, an epidemiologist at Delaware State University in a USA Today article, Fireflies are dying out because people are destroying their habitat.

"If fireflies are disappearing..." My emphasis.

"...the quantitative data isn't there yet to express population decline in terms of numbers of the insect..."

Since the article was published, Dr. Heckscher has accepted a position at the World Health Organization.

[Fakes news! You made that up!] 

Yup, I sure did.

Hey, I'm outta here. I'm going for a walk, lots of fireflies out tonight.

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

Although I'm not crazy about social media (too cranky) please feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on my Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.

   

Defund the Teachers!

Image by Roy Harryman from Pixabay 

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"We keep hearing that black lives matter but they only seem to matter when that helps politicians to get votes... The other 99% of black lives destroyed by people who are not police do not seem to attract nearly as much attention in the media." -Dr. Thomas Sowell


Dear Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

Defund the Teachers! I don't really mean it but since hyperbole rules nowadays a cranks gotta do what a cranks gotta do to get a little attention. 

After all, in an era of "alternative facts" (HT: Kellyanne Conway) wherein defund the police doesn't necessarily mean defund the police who am I to resist substituting slogans and sound bites for substance?

While I admit that Defund the Teachers! is hardly in the same league as a world-class slogan like Black Lives Matter it's (hopefully) an attention-getter and might snag me an extra reader or two.

[So you're admitting the title of this week's column is clickbait?] 

Is it, Dana? Is it just manipulative clickbait or is it clever SEO? Potato or potahto? Low road or high road? After all...

[What's SEO? No wait, we'll come back to that. Are you saying black lives don't matter?]

Of course not, black lives obviously matter. That's one of the reasons the slogan is a work of genius. Who in their right mind can argue otherwise? Who is arguing otherwise? How can you argue with a statement that any sane person accepts and simultaneously means different things to different people?

Even the international organization called the BLM Global Network has an agenda of sweeping generalizations bereft of specifics.

For example: "We disrupt the Western prescribed nuclear family structure requirement by supporting each other as extended families and villages that collectively care for one another, especially our children, to the degree that mothers, parents, and children are comfortable."

Alrighty then... But what, specifically, should The Fedrl Gummit, the state and local summits, and non-black fellow Americans do to improve the lot of African-Americans?

[That's not the point! The point is that...]

My point is that protests and taking down monuments, legally or by the mob, is a lot of "sound and fury, signifying nothing." I repeat myself, what, specifically, needs to be done?


As to clickbait and SEO: one man's/woman's/person's clickbait is another M/W/Ps search engine optimization. 

If you're not familiar with this term it simply refers to the tricks, tools, and techniques used to get you to find and/or click on one of the literally billions of choices available.

For example, low-rent techniques like the feeble ones I sometimes use, such as clickbatish title above (Defund the Teachers!) that's repeated in bold early on in the column and then sprinkled throughout the column to get the attention of the Goog.

As I've mentioned previously, and I'm mentioning again because the Crank is all about public service, a small but lucrative industry exists whose purpose is to find ways to get you to click on links and/or get the Goog to offer up said links when you go a-googlin'.

The Goog always wins by monetizing the data it's always collecting. The Goog never sleeps but you get some free software and services. That's fair, right?


Now, as to the title of this column, Defund the Teachers! Ever wonder how the Wokies have managed to turn American English into Newspeak (see Orwell, George: 1984) and place brainwashed, smartphone addled, whiny tattletales in every profession and on every corner so quickly?

America's education system, which consists of:

Overpriced colleges and universities, top-heavy with "critical" social justice administrators and compliance officers, as well as fake scholars teaching fake subjects.

"Mom and dad, I've decided to major in Feminist Geography." (If you only click on only one link in this missive, click on this one.)

And the schools of education staffed with "activists" cranking out woke primary and secondary school teachers for America's, um... slightly less than world-class public school system.

Which brings us back to Black Lives Matter.

[Huh? Has your brain always worked like this?]


With all due respect, and given the following, I'd like to make a specific suggestion.

BLM has been criticized because of how it spent 1.8 million dollars worth of donations in 2019.

(25% went to salaries, benefits, and payroll taxes, 46% to consultant fees, and the rest went to small grants, accounting, bank fees, information tech, insurance, and legal fees.)

Since the murder of George Floyd, BLM has received a flood of donations from both personal and corporate sources that are still pouring in.

Given that nationwide there are better than 1,000,000 kids on waiting lists for charter schools, many of which are located in underserved, poor/minority neighborhoods, why not spend some of that money on supporting or opening charter schools in neighborhoods where black kids are trapped in failed public schools?

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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Winnie the Emperor Strikes Back

                         Source unknown - meme banned by the emperor 

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

                  
-Image by Weibo 

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"Some foreigners with full bellies and nothing better to do engage in finger-pointing at us." -Xi Jinping 


Dear Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

In case you're not familiar with what my favorite emperor (and second favorite dick-tater), China's president for life Xi Jinping (aka Xi Dada) has to do with Winnie the Pooh, clicking on this link provides an article that illustrates everything.

[Illustrates? Wouldn't explains be a better choice of words?]

No.

The article is world-class clickbait from an online magazine called MEL but... Is there an industry term for yet another progressive publication that claims it's not just another progressive publication, but mostly is?

[I've no idea but I do know that, No, was rude, and you didn't answer my question.] 

Sorry, Dana. The choice of the word illustrates was deliberate. The article includes four illustrations/photos that, um, illustrate Xi Dada's resemblance to Winnie the Pooh.

[You know, not everyone is amused by your wordplay.]

I suspect my gentlereaders are, after all, they're smarter than the a-ver-age bear.

[Whatever. By the way, who's your favorite dick-tater?]

North Korea's Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un of course. Now there's a psychopath. He looks (and behaves) like Winnie the Pooh on serious drugs, but he may have been deleted by the webmaster in the sky, or his sister, which would make Xi Dada number two with a bullet.

[Why are you picking on Xi Dada's looks again? After all, no one's gonna mistake you for George Clooney. Are you a lookist?]

A lookist? What's a... Oh, I get it.

I think that lampooning a dick-tater who uses phrases like "capitalism with Chinese characteristics" and "one country, two systems" with a straight face puts me on the side of the angels.

God bless you, George Orwell, wherever you are.

[You're creeping up on a point... Right?]

Absabalutely. For the record, capitalism with Chinese characteristics is Newspeak (see 1984: Orwell, George) for cronyism, mercantilism, and left-wing fascism.

[Are you going to unpack that one?]

Nah. That's worth a column of its own. But the one country, two systems claim is pure bonkercockie and there's a lesson here for my Dear Grandstickies, and everyone else.


July the first marked the 23rd anniversary of the British colony of Hong Kong reverting to Chinese control. The Chinese Gummit, which had promised not to mess with Hong Kong for fifty years — one country, two systems — began messing almost immediately.

The harder they pushed the harder the citizens of Hong Kong pushed back with pro-democracy protests.

On June 30th at approximately 11:00 p.m., the Emperor struck back with the "Decision of the National People's Congress on Establishing and Perfecting the Legal System and Enforcement Mechanism of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region to Maintain National Security."

Translation and bottom line: You're now officially enslaved like the rest of us. Shortly before America celebrated Independence the emperor imposed Unindependence Day in Hong Kong.


If you've been busy watching or participating in our current national pastimes —demonizing each other, setting things on fire, and/or trying to separate pandemic truth from fiction (and politicization)  — you may have taken your eye off the (Chinese) ball.

[The billionaires and millionaires of the NBA are kissing Xi Dada's bum again?]

No. The emperor and his minions now have a vaguely worded cudgel that means whatever they say it means that they can use to keep the masses in line. You can be busted and imprisoned without much in the way of due process.

[You? I know you're uncomfortable using "one" when a "you" will do but in this case shouldn't you...]

Nope. An excellent article by Emily Feng on NPRs website reports that inciting hatred against Bejing by "... a person who is not a permanent resident of the region" (that would be you, and all the other yous on the planet Earth) is now illegal.

[Wait-wait-wait. Even if you didn't make that up, how would China go about enforcing it?] 

I didn't make it up; you can easily look it up. I doubt Xi Dada thinks it can be enforced. I don't doubt that he/she/they thinks that in a better world he/she/they could and that with a little luck, eventually might.

[Well, Assuming, for the sake of argument that it's true, I think the United Nations should get together and tell China to get stuffed.]

Here's a couple'a quotes from an article by Chris Chang, published on the website of Taiwan News. The citizens of Taiwan, for obvious reasons, keep a weather eye on China 24x7x365.

"A total of 53 countries endorsed China's national security law for Hong Kong at the United Nations Human Rights Council in Geneva on Tuesday (June 30), many of which are dictatorships or economically tied with China." My emphasis.

"Meanwhile, 27 countries joined the UK-led condemnation of Beijing's legislation."

[Hoo-boy.]

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column or give me a thumb (up or in my eye) below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with your debit/credit card.    

Although I'm not crazy about social media (too cranky) please feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on my Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.