Saturday, August 8, 2020

Portlandia's Mostly Peaceful Protestors

Photo by Amber Kipp on Unsplash

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering



Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"The 99% should be protesting college campuses." -Sebastian Thrun

Dear Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

Well, that's that then, things in Portlandia have finally calmed down. I'm sure you heard about it, it's in all the papers and on all the relevant websites.

The nightly protests continue, of course. Black lives still matter and no shortage of Portlandians show up every night for the never-ending block party. Mostly peaceful protesters march around chanting things like "No justice, no peace" and my personal favorite, "Take it to the street and fuck the police." 

Such dedication. Makes ya wonder how they get up in the morning and go to work. 

A week ago Thursday the Feds turned over the defense of the graffiti-covered and structurally damaged Mark O. Hatfield Federal Courthouse to the Oregon State Police. 

That night some mostly peaceful protestors celebrated with a pig roast. They placed a bloody pigs head wearing a cops hat on an American flag and set it on fire in front of the chain-link fence that had been erected to keep them from setting the courthouse on fire.

Saturday night a couple of hundred people showed up at a Portlandia police precinct. They blocked off the street, fired up their trusty laser pointers, and began tossing bottles and whatever came to hand. 

The cops declared a riot unlawful assembly and broke up this particular party. 

headline from KGW (a local TV station) .com if you please: "2 arrested, unlawful assembly declared during otherwise peaceful night of downtown protests."  

On Monday night, according to Portlandia's channel 8 (that's KGW again), some mostly peaceful protestors decided to hang out at Portland's S.E. police precinct, block traffic, toss a few things at cops guarding the station, and chant. 

"Every city, every town, burn this precinct to the ground."

Meanwhile, back at the Hatfield Federal Courthouse, a different group of mostly peaceful protestors (MPP) scuffled with the state police that have replaced the recalled fascist storm troopers responsible for inciting all the recent violence.

It was MPPs throwing stuff vs. troopers launching pepper balls. The troopers won.  

On Tuesday night according to my new favorite TV stations website — which helpfully displays PROTESTS at the top of the page so you can go straight to the latest news — the party continued.

"Protestors march to Police Union in North Portland." Some mostly peaceful protestors decided to party at the police unions building. They set up traffic barriers (safety first!) to block off traffic and set a dumpster full of cardboard on fire. I'm guessing they were going to have a weenie roast. 

"Police just after 10:30 p.m. warned some demonstrators to stop trying to break into the police association building or face arrest or use of force." 

"Dude, I was just, like, looking for a men's/women's/other's room." (The preceding was a fake quote made up by the irresponsible author of this column.) 

On Wednesday morning the headline of the article mentioned a few paragraphs back was changed to, "Riot declared, 3 arrested after protesters break into Portland police union headquarters" and the story was significantly revised. 

Turns out some of the mostly peaceful protestors broke into the building and tried to set it on fire. The article includes a video. "At around 11:15 p.m., a truck drove through a barricade into the crowd of people. Video showed that a bike got stuck underneath the truck as it sped away, emitting sparks."

Wednesday night... Well, another night, another mostly peaceful protest — except for some not so peaceful protestors attacking the East precinct building of the Portland police. 

"Riot declared, tear gas used outside Portland police's East Precinct as protests continue"

If you don't want to read the article, permit me to summarize. Lasers, paint, bottles, rocks, structural damage, fires, tear gas, etc. 

Towards the end of the article Channel 8 throws in a reminder: "Late on Tuesday night (my emphasis) a truck drove through a barricade and into a crowd of people in North Portland. Video showed that a bike got stuck underneath the truck as it sped away, emitting sparks. Police said nobody was hit by the truck." 

They then provide the exciting (edited) video again, but not the longer version below that took me about a half a minute to find on YouTube. It shows a mostly peaceful protestor ambushing the truck with a motorcycle and other mostly peaceful protestors going on the attack, which is why the driver then made a dramatic getaway. 

I've noticed that KGW8 has used the same subtitle for several related articles: "Demonstrators are out for a 10th consecutive week, rallying against police brutality and systemic racism," and that they've posted the same bogus, carefully edited video all over the place. 

I'm starting to doubt their objectivity. Shocking, I know. 

Thursday night.  Lasers, paint, bottles, rocks, structural damage, fires, tear gas, etc. — and I don't care anymore. 

I'm now researching Louisville, Kentucky. While I wasn't paying attention it looks like certain black people (local Black Lives Matter people) have been trying to sell protection to certain brown people (local Hispanic business owners). 

"- Purchase a minimum of 23% inventory from Black retailers or make a recurring monthly donation of 1.5% of net sales to a local Black nonprofit or organization"  

"I mean, you wouldn't want anything to happen to this beautiful restaurant, right?" (This is yet another bogus quote made up by the irresponsible author of this column.)

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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