Showing posts with label Portland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Portland. Show all posts

Friday, December 24, 2021


An update about life in the Rose city
(A column that fell behind my desk that I forgot about)

                                              Photo by Amber Kipp on Unsplash

This is aweekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.   

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional meltdown.  

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"I remember when I was a student at the Sorbonne in Paris, I used to got out and riot occasionally." -John Foster Dulles 

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Not long ago I was doing research (net surfing) for a column that was about a) whatever happened Black Lives Matter and b) how did they spend the $90,000,000 or so they received in donations in 2020, a year that will forever be (in?)famous for the phrase mostly peaceful protests. 

But this column isn't about that, so...

I stumbled on a news story about recent goings-on in Portland, Oregon. Way back in 2020 there were so many not so peaceful protests going on there that the website of local tv station KGW8 — which I checked daily for updates at the time — had a button at the top of the page that would take you right to the latest not so peaceful protest news.

Let me be clear...

{A phrase that's clearly a cliche.} 

Thanks for sharing, Dana. The near-daily violence back then was allegedly perpetrated by Antifa, not BLM. In fact, less than 6% of the city's population is black. They seem to have a diversity problem. 

But as Uncle Joe memorably pointed out when he debated the Donald (also way back in 2020) Antifa isn't an organization, it's an idea. 

So all we know for sure is that a group of ideas that prefer basic black outfits and are partial to glass breaking, spray painting, and setting things on fire generated a lot of press coverage last year. 

I was reminded of this when I discovered that not long ago these ideas somebody rioted and managed to do $500,000 worth of damage to 35 Portland businesses in one night, and I had missed it.  

This happened on 10/12/21 but all of the news stories I found blamed anarchists, or mere activists, and didn't mention Antifa, including my old friends at KGW8. I thought that perhaps the merry band of ideas had evaporated, morphed into anarchists/activists, or moved on.   

But me being me I kept going and a bit more research revealed several things. 

Antifa still exists, fights among rival groups and/or riots are fairly common occurrences in Portland, and some local news outlets covering the same incident will mention Antifa but others will not. 

Finally, current national coverage of any given riot or brawl in Portland is fleeting to nonexistent, which is why I lost track of life in Portland. I mean, how much news can any one person follow? 

I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about, and may even have a theory as to why certain former news stories, that are still a thing, no longer receive much if any national coverage that a half a minute ago were a certified RBFD. 

But this column isn't about that, so...

I checked out all sorts of websites, and related videos. 

From what I can tell, on any given day in Portland, mobs of Antifians, Proud Persons, activists, anarchists, etceterists might be running amok in the Rose City (ain't that an ironical nickname) breaking or burning things (or each other). 

I watched more than one video featuring a greedy capitalist pig (small business owner) decrying how this hurts profits and Portland's reputation, which brings us to what this column is about. 

{Fingers crossed, gentlereaders!}

Portland, a.k.a. Wokieburg, should turn lemons into lemonade by capitalizing on its international reputation as a home for Fringies of the alt-left, and to a lesser extent, the alt-right. 

Select an area that includes a police station, a government building of some sort, and a handful of small businesses. Ideally, it should include at least one (inter)nationally known retail business, and some residences. 

Next, use eminent domain to buy out the owners, take possession, and then rent out all locations to those who wish to stay, or replace them with someone who does, and then hire a project manager or request bids from firms willing to do the job.

Use zoning to require that all glass must be made out of whatever it is they use in movies when someone(s) get tossed through a window. Also, require graffiti resistant building materials be used and that old graffiti be regularly scrubbed off so there's always room for fresh property defacement. 

Install several strategically located trash dumpsters, with locking wheels, in locations where they can be set ablaze with minimal threat to the surrounding area. 

Finally, make sure there's plenty of parking for tourists/tour busses and turn the urban blockheads and trousered apes loose. 

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

P.S. All over America, there are hundreds of burned-out, formerly thriving Main Streets in towns where the citizenry never bothered to learn to code as their jobs were leaving town, headed for exotic Asian locales.

A local greedy capitalist pig (small businessperson) could duplicate my Portland concept, tweak it to suit local circumstances, and not have to pay franchise fees to anybody. 

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Feel free to comment and set me straight on Cranky's Facebook page. I post my latest columns on Saturdays, other things other days. Cranky don't tweet.         

Saturday, August 8, 2020

Portlandia's Mostly Peaceful Protestors

Photo by Amber Kipp on Unsplash

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering



Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"The 99% should be protesting college campuses." -Sebastian Thrun

Dear Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

Well, that's that then, things in Portlandia have finally calmed down. I'm sure you heard about it, it's in all the papers and on all the relevant websites.

The nightly protests continue, of course. Black lives still matter and no shortage of Portlandians show up every night for the never-ending block party. Mostly peaceful protesters march around chanting things like "No justice, no peace" and my personal favorite, "Take it to the street and fuck the police." 

Such dedication. Makes ya wonder how they get up in the morning and go to work. 

A week ago Thursday the Feds turned over the defense of the graffiti-covered and structurally damaged Mark O. Hatfield Federal Courthouse to the Oregon State Police. 

That night some mostly peaceful protestors celebrated with a pig roast. They placed a bloody pigs head wearing a cops hat on an American flag and set it on fire in front of the chain-link fence that had been erected to keep them from setting the courthouse on fire.

Saturday night a couple of hundred people showed up at a Portlandia police precinct. They blocked off the street, fired up their trusty laser pointers, and began tossing bottles and whatever came to hand. 

The cops declared a riot unlawful assembly and broke up this particular party. 

headline from KGW (a local TV station) .com if you please: "2 arrested, unlawful assembly declared during otherwise peaceful night of downtown protests."  

On Monday night, according to Portlandia's channel 8 (that's KGW again), some mostly peaceful protestors decided to hang out at Portland's S.E. police precinct, block traffic, toss a few things at cops guarding the station, and chant. 

"Every city, every town, burn this precinct to the ground."

Meanwhile, back at the Hatfield Federal Courthouse, a different group of mostly peaceful protestors (MPP) scuffled with the state police that have replaced the recalled fascist storm troopers responsible for inciting all the recent violence.

It was MPPs throwing stuff vs. troopers launching pepper balls. The troopers won.  

On Tuesday night according to my new favorite TV stations website — which helpfully displays PROTESTS at the top of the page so you can go straight to the latest news — the party continued.

"Protestors march to Police Union in North Portland." Some mostly peaceful protestors decided to party at the police unions building. They set up traffic barriers (safety first!) to block off traffic and set a dumpster full of cardboard on fire. I'm guessing they were going to have a weenie roast. 

"Police just after 10:30 p.m. warned some demonstrators to stop trying to break into the police association building or face arrest or use of force." 

"Dude, I was just, like, looking for a men's/women's/other's room." (The preceding was a fake quote made up by the irresponsible author of this column.) 

On Wednesday morning the headline of the article mentioned a few paragraphs back was changed to, "Riot declared, 3 arrested after protesters break into Portland police union headquarters" and the story was significantly revised. 

Turns out some of the mostly peaceful protestors broke into the building and tried to set it on fire. The article includes a video. "At around 11:15 p.m., a truck drove through a barricade into the crowd of people. Video showed that a bike got stuck underneath the truck as it sped away, emitting sparks."

Wednesday night... Well, another night, another mostly peaceful protest — except for some not so peaceful protestors attacking the East precinct building of the Portland police. 

"Riot declared, tear gas used outside Portland police's East Precinct as protests continue"

If you don't want to read the article, permit me to summarize. Lasers, paint, bottles, rocks, structural damage, fires, tear gas, etc. 

Towards the end of the article Channel 8 throws in a reminder: "Late on Tuesday night (my emphasis) a truck drove through a barricade and into a crowd of people in North Portland. Video showed that a bike got stuck underneath the truck as it sped away, emitting sparks. Police said nobody was hit by the truck." 

They then provide the exciting (edited) video again, but not the longer version below that took me about a half a minute to find on YouTube. It shows a mostly peaceful protestor ambushing the truck with a motorcycle and other mostly peaceful protestors going on the attack, which is why the driver then made a dramatic getaway. 

I've noticed that KGW8 has used the same subtitle for several related articles: "Demonstrators are out for a 10th consecutive week, rallying against police brutality and systemic racism," and that they've posted the same bogus, carefully edited video all over the place. 

I'm starting to doubt their objectivity. Shocking, I know. 

Thursday night.  Lasers, paint, bottles, rocks, structural damage, fires, tear gas, etc. — and I don't care anymore. 

I'm now researching Louisville, Kentucky. While I wasn't paying attention it looks like certain black people (local Black Lives Matter people) have been trying to sell protection to certain brown people (local Hispanic business owners). 

"- Purchase a minimum of 23% inventory from Black retailers or make a recurring monthly donation of 1.5% of net sales to a local Black nonprofit or organization"  

"I mean, you wouldn't want anything to happen to this beautiful restaurant, right?" (This is yet another bogus quote made up by the irresponsible author of this column.)

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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