Dear (Eventual) Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (#2)

[If you're new here, and even if you're not, I must begin with a bit of explanation. My weekly column, two weeks ago (Dear (Eventual) Stickies & Great-Grandstickies, 11.05.16), was a letter to the Stickies (my grandkids) and my great-grandkids (who don't exist yet). I used the word Eventual because it's a letter more directed to the Stickies of the future than the present as they are mostly quite young yet (though in some ways not). And as I said, the great-grandstickies don't actually exist yet. Also, the Stickies official title is now grandstickies, though they aren't nearly as sticky as they used to be, and, to distinguish them from my daughter and son-in-law, who aren't sticky at all. Mostly it's because I now prefer grandstickies to the Stickies, at least for literary purposes.]

Dear (Eventual) Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies

I didn't expect to be writing to you again so soon. The subject of my last letter, this year's hit reality show, the Donald v. the Hilliam, has been canceled. The Donald won and his  prize is a four-year gig that can't be canceled until January of 2020, regardless of his ratings.

The Hilliam and the outgoing COiC (Community Organizer-in-Chief) both gave gracious speeches acknowledging that the audience had chosen the Donald. Well, sort of (it's complicated). Those members of the infotainment industry whose job includes predicting the winners of politically based reality shows are staying busy explaining why most of them were wrong.

What a great job they have! In the real world, if your job performance rates an epic fail, there's a good chance that the person or firm that you work for will decide to replace you. In the infotainment industry, however, it's not whether you're right or wrong, it's how (or if) you attract the eyeballs. Which is why -tainment trumps info-.

Considering the intensity with which the battle had been waged, and the absurd length of it, I was feeling both proud and reassured (and happy is was finally over). The peaceful transfer of power from one administration to the next, assuming it continues, is a signature achievement of the American experiment.

[Aside: If the reference to the seemingly endless presidential campaigns we currently endure is confusing, or seems quaint, good. Perhaps you have found a better way, or at least developed a less complicated, less time and resource consuming system. Hopefully, a system that is still more or less genuinely democratic and not a farce (google Russia, or China, early 21st century).

As things stand, America takes two years to choose a president who will get a four-year contract, and this individual is permitted to compete a second time. This means that they can decide to compete on the next show, which begins two years into their first term. If they decide to compete again this will mean that they will have two full-time jobs in the third and fourth year of the guaranteed contract they just won. 

Obviously, this is good for ratings, and potentially quite infotaining. Although personally, I think that the job description of arguably the most powerful and important job on the planet Earth should preclude moonlighting.]

And we're back. But election fatigue or not, the election ain't over till the fat lady infotainment industry sings sez so. They haven't moved on, they've doubled down. The majority of 'em supported the Hilliam and they know that God, or in most cases their God substitute (the environment, income inequality, social justice for the victimized group of the moment, _______, etc.), is on their side.

Their evil enemies (and that is indeed how many on both sides view the other), though smaller in number, represent about half of our polarized population and their side (well, sorta'), has control of The Gubmint for the next two years. I say sorta' because many of them dislike the Donald almost as much as they dislike the Hilliam. Like the rest of us, they have only a vague idea, in spite of two years of fighting, of just exactly what he plans on doing. But, they know God is on their side, or at least they hope so, 'cause the Donald is a scary dude. And  he  can't  stop  tweeting!

Also, there's something going on that I've never encountered before. I'm a thousand years old in American years (39 spiritually, 63 chronologically) and have been following politics, to one degree or another, since my teens. While, of course, every presidential election I can remember has generated controversies and crazies, none were followed by several days of protests, minor rioting, and, my personal favorite, triggered Snowflakes.

First, Snowflakes. I'm hoping that Snowflake Syndrome melts away, and soon, but just now it's a thing. If my feeble scribbles were more widely disseminated I would probably be attacked for being an unrepentant triggeror. I plead gleefully guilty.

[Yes, gentlereaders, I know there is no such word as triggeror but there should be, and perhaps will be, if triggering ever becomes an official hate crime. Considering our culture's current trajectory, I wouldn't bet against it.]

It seems that the election of the Donald was so traumatic for many?/some? (I'll wager someone is looking into this, funded by -- The Gubmint -- money) of our more delicate and/or damaged college students that it's triggered Snowflake Syndrome on college campuses nationwide. Many a midterm had to be canceled, much hot chocolate is being brewed and therapists remain on high alert. Playdough, coloring books, crying rooms and comfort dogs are being deployed.

Meanwhile, off campus, there was a short-lived panic generated by strange noises being heard in cemeteries. The panic ended when it was discovered that it was just members of the Greatest Generation turning over in their graves.

Which brings us to protests and mini-riots. "Not my president! Not my president! Oh, look baby, flat screens, lets both grab one." Sound of glass breaking. These have been popping up hither and yon ever since the Donald was declared the victor. As to how extensive they are -- and who is participating and why -- well, that depends on who you believe. In my semi-humble opinion, it's mostly the usual suspects, members in good standing of the International Union of Professional Perpetually Protesting Protestors & Perpetual Victims of This, That & The Other Thing (IUPPPPPVTTT). The acronym is pronounced I up p-p-p, peevy t-t-t

The masses aren't taking to the streets, but those that have are much more infotaining than those folks who had to get up and go to work the day after the election even if they stayed up half the night waiting to see who the winner was (and actually voted). Guess which group the infotainment industry is obsessing over?

A goodly cross section of the masses didn't even bother to vote, as usual. I went a-googling and discovered that since the 1930s roughly 50 to 60% of Americans have turned out to vote for president every four years. This year's turnout looks to be about 55%. (the final numbers still aren't in).

[There's a point to this bonkercockie, yes? asks Dana the imaginary gentlereader. My muse, Marie-Louise, maintains a neutral expression, she's still on her first cup of coffee.]

My point is that I think that while many in the infotainment industry, the Snowflakes, and the members of the IUPPPPPVTTT think (or at least pretend to, to keep profits up), that this is the American Apocalypse. I don't, and for your sakes, I hope that this mini-infotainer, this semi-humble scribbler in pursuit of enlightened infotainment, ain't wrong

Keep in mind that up until the election, which happened less than two weeks ago, just about all the members of the infotainment industry, along with the Snowflakes and the members in good standing of the IUPPPPPVTTT, were certain the Republicrat party was wrecked. Fate flipped a switch and now they're all equally certain the Depublicans have been destroyed.

[Note from the Clarifications for Gentlereaders Department: Please be aware that His Crankiness, despite our repeated objections, insists on referring to the Republican party as the Republicrat party and the Democratic party as the Depublican party. He says you'll understand.]

In fact, what's happened is that the Wizard of Oz of  the new millennium became president while most of the country was mesmerized by his mastery of special effects and... Gadzooks! I've exceeded my word budget, sorry. Poppa loves you. To be continued...

Have an OK day.

P.S. If you're a Facebooker, and you enjoy my shtuff, could I trouble you to click on "Like" at the top of the page? This will (hopefully) help me to find some new readers, and retain existing ones, via your friendly neighborhood cranks Facebook page.
   

The History of the World (Part Six)

Free Trade, Part One.

Our story thus far: After evolution or God or both coughed up H. sapiens (us), we spent myriad kyr (many thousands of years -- lookit me ma, I'm a wordsmith!) primarily preoccupied with killing each other, subsisting, and once in a great while, inventing something really cool.

Hunter-gatherers got tired of wandering around in search of three squares and invented agriculture (and beer). Once there was enough food and beer to go around towns became cities became civilizations and H. sapiens rose to the top of the food chain. The killing and subsisting continued, and, as mentioned, once in a great while someone invented something really cool.

Eventually, in the late seventeen hundreds, we hit a trifecta. The Industrial Revolution picked up steam, the USA was born, Adam Smith invented modern economics. Mr. Smith said that the best way for everyone to make a buck depended on three things -- the pursuit of self-interest, the division of labor, freedom of trade.

Now, this vastly oversimplified history of the world is about to get even worse.

That is, I'm deliberately giving short shrift to the first two and emphasizing the most important, freedom of/to trade. After all, the world in general, and the USA in particular, is somewhat preoccupied with the subject.

The pursuit of self-interest simply means that every Tom, Dick, and Jane has the right to figure out how they're gonna pay the cable bill without a king, or a master of any sort, assigning them a role to play in the economy or determining how and how much they'll be rewarded for their labors. A free man or woman should be compensated based on what service/product/talent they provide their fellow H. sapiens. A reasonably free market will easily determine the value of a good doctor, a good housekeeper, and everyone else.

When regulation is kept to a necessary minimum and the playing field is level, consumers will rule, consumers will win.

As to the division of labor, this can be summed up in two words, modern civilization. Do/make something you're good at and trade it for things you aren't good at doing/making. Simplify things dramatically via a reliable system of reward certificates (money). The result? The most prosperous era in the history of H. sapiens. Consumers rule, consumers win.

Which brings us to...

...Freedom to trade. If you’ve lost a good job because your job is now being done by someone in a foreign country, like Elbonia for example (H.T. Scott Adams) -crappy weather, chock full of primitive religious sects prone to killing each other, a corrupt government and/or any number of other possible combinations of factors that would keep you from vacationing there even if you had any damn money - odds are you might be a little cranky.  

I’m a little cranky because I lost a fairly decent job, a job that I thought would be my last, due to the effects of (ominous musical fanfare): The Great Recession. When this happened I was almost a thousand years old (in American years) and had all the wrong skills. I’ve been relegated to a crappy job, several part-time crappy jobs in fact, that required me to work eight days a week. Unfortunately, it wasn't because I was a greedy workaholic who couldn't ever be rich/secure/powerful/enough, it was because they didn't pay very well.

I had to work a lot of hours to get by; I literally limped my way, with a fractured hip, to a forced early retirement because I needed the diminished dough to get by before the rest of my damaged joints (rheumatoid arthritis) got any worse.

The reason I lost my job was because of/had nothing to do with free trade. I’m certain I could make a plausible argument linking the last recession (hopefully it was just a recession for you, for me, it was, ominous musical fanfare: The Great Recession) to free trade agreements. To bolster my case, I’m certain I could quote experts and statistics; I’m certain I could find some very official and complicated looking charts.

I’m equally certain I could make a plausible argument that proves free trade agreements had absolutely nothing to do with my personal experience of (ominous musical fanfare): The Great Recession. And I’m not even an economist.

[How to embarrass an economist. If they’re not rich (of course, most aren't), ask them why, considering what they do for a living. While they’re hemming and hawing you take your verbal kill shot. “And by the way, if economics is a science, why are you guys still arguing over what caused the Great Depression, you know, the one that hit about 75 years ago?”]

My point is that economics, which I find fascinating and worthy of study by the way, is a social science. This means cold hard facts are even harder to come by than they are in the hard sciences. We’re part of a global economy. Billions of people are pursuing their self-interest regardless of whether or not their government officially approves. This is human nature. This is reality.

[Insert relevant, ironic aside here. I live near a General Motors plant where the employees risk having their car trashed if it isn’t an official GM product. It was temporarily closed relatively recently because of an earthquake in Japan that disrupted the flow of components that GM manufactures or purchases -- in Japan. Ain’t that ironical?]

I lost my good job because of (ominous musical fanfare): The Great Recession. Economists will be arguing for generations as to what caused it as fervently as they argue about what caused The Great Depression.

More specifically, it might have happened because the company I worked for, that kept a huge Kmart warehouse clean, wasn’t competitive enough. And/or Kmart wasn’t competitive enough (hold your calls, I think we have a winner).

BIG BUT.

And/or Kmart decided that outsourcing housekeeping wasn’t such a great idea after all and decided to have people on the payroll do it. Which may have been because it was a concession to the union to get a contract signed, or just make the working environment less toxic, because the rank and file never did get over the establishment of quotas. Or, maybe they decided to assign “second tier” workers to do housekeeping since they’re bitter about the fact they have to hit the same quotas the much better paid first tier rank and file, who agreed to a second tier to keep their own wages considerably higher than local labor market norms...

Or, maybe I lost my job because of a variable, or a combination of variables, known or unknown, led to life jumping out from behind a tree and kicking me in the crotch. Which is how life, and the economy, in spite of our best efforts to generate a desired outcome, often works.

To be continued...

Have an OK day.

P.S. If you're a Facebooker, and you enjoy my shtuff, could I trouble you to click on "Like" at the top of the page? This will (hopefully) help me to find some new readers, and retain existing ones, via your friendly neighborhood cranks Facebook page.

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Free content offer. Please feel free to share, borrow, or steal any of my weekly copyrighted columns and do with them what you will, 24 hrs. after initial publication. All I ask is that you post my URL, TheFlyoverlandCrank.com, and mention my name, Mark Mehlmauer. For details click on the Take My Posts... Please! tab. Price: Free and No Charge. TYSAM    

Dear (Eventual) Stickies & Great-Grandstickies

The Stickies, if you are unaware, is the name I use for my grandkids, as a group. They are no longer sticky, so I pre-apologize to any given one of them if, after reaching adulthood, they should decide they are dysfunctional H. sapiens and innocent victims of this, that, and the other and, that one of the this, that, or the others turn out to be the fact I hung the name "the Stickies" around their delicate little neck.

I'm cautiously optimistic, however. It's early days yet, but so far they all seem to be in pretty good shape considering they live in a freakishly large household that includes me.

And now, if you'll forgive me, gentlereaders -- this is an open letter to them, they who are one of the primary reasons I continue to crank out my weekly column in spite of the fact I've yet to come close to being able to quit my day job -- so I must move on.

[Oh, but before I forget (sorry), let me publicly state that I don't expect any given one of them, no matter how financially successful they may turn out to be, to take care of me in my impending dotage. I'm sure I'll be fine.]

Dear Stickies & Great-Grandstickies,
It's the week before the presidential election of 2016...

[Sorry, sorry. I forgot to mention that I'm not writing to the current Stickies, who are busy being reasonably well-adjusted kids and/or young adults. I'm writing to the eventual Stickies, that is, the future, grown up Stickies, and also to the next generation of Stickies, my great-grandstickies. I hope to live long enough to not only meet my great-grandstickies but also to have a (hopefully) positive influence on their lives. Obviously, the odds of that happening decrease with each passing year but at least they will have access to my feeble scribbles. 

See, the Stickies probably won't remember all that much about the current election. The oldest is a newly minted 16-year-old (happy birthday, dude!). My great-grandstickies will be learning about it in history class. So, it's occurred to me that I can provide both groups with a first person account of this and other things as I experience them in real time. This will provide them with my perspective, and not just what they vaguely remember or learn about in history class. Hopefully, they will find this interesting.

Both of my parents died relatively young, long before my extended callowyute stage ended. I would love to have access to their thoughts on the Great Depression, WW2, and myriad other things.]

Dear Stickies & Great-Grandstickies,
It's the week before the presidential election of 2016 -- The Donald (Trump) v. The Hilliam (a symbiotic amalgamation of Hillary and William (a.k.a. Slick Willie) Clinton.

I'm reasonably certain cautiously optimistic that the history books will report that one of the defining characteristics, perhaps the defining characteristic, of the contest is that both candidates, according to the polls (and this is one case where a sharply divided nation agrees that even the polls are correct), are disliked and distrusted by more people than folks who like and trust them. Trust me, this is an accurate assessment.

It's not uncommon for even a given supporter of either candidate to state something like, "Sure, she's a world-class liar and a least a little bit crooked but..., or, "Sure, he often comes across as being a little nuts and he's at least a little bit crooked" -- but, "she/he is even worse."

By the way, I changed reasonably certain to cautiously optimistic because if the Hilliam wins I'm sure they will continue to push the nation in a leftward direction. At the moment at least, the public school system, as well as the majority of colleges and universities, are both guided by a philosophy that ranges from solidly left-wing to extremely left-wing.

This philosophy is currently somewhat enamored with revisionist history and free speech limitations, justified by the pursuit of political correctness. This is for your own good, of course, to protect you and your fellow delicate flowers and snowflakes from the inevitable trauma that will arise once your realize that the real world doesn't hand out participation trophies. So, who knows what the history books may actually say about this particular election considering we're told history is written by the winners.

Of course, I realize that your estimable parents didn't raise you that way and did everything they could to shield you from the liberal industrial complex. I highly recommend keeping this knowledge under your hats as much as possible, particularly if by the time you're grups, these unfortunate trends continue. It will give you an edge many of your peers will not have access to, or even understand.

Anyway, this is supposed to be about the fact that the richest, most powerful, and (arguably, it's complicated) freest nation the world has ever seen (so far at least) is about to choose a new leader, and most of its citizens wish there was a viable alternative to choose from. There ain't, and that's a fact, regardless of what the history books (will) say.

The Hilliam have a long history of corruption and managing to just miss paying a price for it (again, so far at least) and if one of you should decide to make a study of their lives in search of definitive answers you will find yourself on safari in a dizzinformation jungle. It's a man-made jungle they designed, with no shortage of help from our current cultural clerisy, a clerisy that believes that the end justifies the memes.(1) 

The bottom line is that since Slick Willie and the little woman left the White House they have amassed a fortune, estimated to be at least a $100,000,000 (and change) -- by being popular after dinner speakers. This is all you need to know.

As for the Donald, he's an alleged billionaire that has a history of endlessly shifting political, cultural and ethical stances. He seems to be rich, we don't know how rich, he won't release his tax returns. I normally would care less how rich he actually is, or even if, as they say in Texas, he's all hat and no cattle.

BIG BUT.

He markets himself as a wildly successful self-made man who's willing to use his immense natural ability to solve all of America's problems. Millions of people believe him.

Now, I've no idea how rich, successful, or intelligent he actually is -- but I do know this. He makes P.T. Barnum look like a rank amateur. He knows that people lead with their hearts and use their brains to justify their behavior after the smoke clears. He knows how to use this knowledge to build a following and battle his enemies. He knows that The Gubmint has become too large and too powerful and that the baby boomers knocked over the melting pot and set the culture on fire.

He knows that even many people who can't bring themselves to vote for a vulgarian are thinking that maybe even he would be better than the Hilliam, who personify everything that's wrong with America. We've no idea what he might actually do, but, [forgive me gentlereaders, for indulging my inner vulgarian -- desperate times/desperate measures] perhaps we need someone to go to DC and fuck shit up.

So, there you have it my dear Stickies and great-grandstickies. We are supposed to choose between the Wicked Witch of the Northeast and the Wizzard of Oz. I hope for your sakes it all turned out OK. Poppa loves you.

Have an OK day.


(1) The Clerisy

If you wish to react, leave a comment, share, etc. -- please scroll down. Also, you can do your Amazon shopping by clicking on the banner down there, thus helping to ensure that me and mine are not rendered homeless (no pressure...).

Free content offer. Please feel free to share, borrow, or steal any of my weekly copyrighted columns and do with them what you will, 24 hrs. after initial publication. All I ask is that you post my URL, TheFlyoverlandCrank.com, and mention my name, Mark Mehlmauer. For details click on the Take My Posts... Please! tab. Price: Free and No Charge. TYSAM