Saturday, November 19, 2016

Dear (Eventual) Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (#2)

[If you're new here, and even if you're not, I must begin with a bit of explanation. My weekly column, two weeks ago (Dear (Eventual) Stickies & Great-Grandstickies, 11.05.16), was a letter to the Stickies (my grandkids) and my great-grandkids (who don't exist yet). I used the word Eventual because it's a letter more directed to the Stickies of the future than the present as they are mostly quite young yet (though in some ways not). And as I said, the great-grandstickies don't actually exist yet. Also, the Stickies official title is now grandstickies, though they aren't nearly as sticky as they used to be, and, to distinguish them from my daughter and son-in-law, who aren't sticky at all. Mostly it's because I now prefer grandstickies to the Stickies, at least for literary purposes.]

Dear (Eventual) Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies

I didn't expect to be writing to you again so soon. The subject of my last letter, this year's hit reality show, the Donald v. the Hilliam, has been canceled. The Donald won and his  prize is a four-year gig that can't be canceled until January of 2020, regardless of his ratings.

The Hilliam and the outgoing COiC (Community Organizer-in-Chief) both gave gracious speeches acknowledging that the audience had chosen the Donald. Well, sort of (it's complicated). Those members of the infotainment industry whose job includes predicting the winners of politically based reality shows are staying busy explaining why most of them were wrong.

What a great job they have! In the real world, if your job performance rates an epic fail, there's a good chance that the person or firm that you work for will decide to replace you. In the infotainment industry, however, it's not whether you're right or wrong, it's how (or if) you attract the eyeballs. Which is why -tainment trumps info-.

Considering the intensity with which the battle had been waged, and the absurd length of it, I was feeling both proud and reassured (and happy is was finally over). The peaceful transfer of power from one administration to the next, assuming it continues, is a signature achievement of the American experiment.

[Aside: If the reference to the seemingly endless presidential campaigns we currently endure is confusing, or seems quaint, good. Perhaps you have found a better way, or at least developed a less complicated, less time and resource consuming system. Hopefully, a system that is still more or less genuinely democratic and not a farce (google Russia, or China, early 21st century).

As things stand, America takes two years to choose a president who will get a four-year contract, and this individual is permitted to compete a second time. This means that they can decide to compete on the next show, which begins two years into their first term. If they decide to compete again this will mean that they will have two full-time jobs in the third and fourth year of the guaranteed contract they just won. 

Obviously, this is good for ratings, and potentially quite infotaining. Although personally, I think that the job description of arguably the most powerful and important job on the planet Earth should preclude moonlighting.]

And we're back. But election fatigue or not, the election ain't over till the fat lady infotainment industry sings sez so. They haven't moved on, they've doubled down. The majority of 'em supported the Hilliam and they know that God, or in most cases their God substitute (the environment, income inequality, social justice for the victimized group of the moment, _______, etc.), is on their side.

Their evil enemies (and that is indeed how many on both sides view the other), though smaller in number, represent about half of our polarized population and their side (well, sorta'), has control of The Gubmint for the next two years. I say sorta' because many of them dislike the Donald almost as much as they dislike the Hilliam. Like the rest of us, they have only a vague idea, in spite of two years of fighting, of just exactly what he plans on doing. But, they know God is on their side, or at least they hope so, 'cause the Donald is a scary dude. And  he  can't  stop  tweeting!

Also, there's something going on that I've never encountered before. I'm a thousand years old in American years (39 spiritually, 63 chronologically) and have been following politics, to one degree or another, since my teens. While, of course, every presidential election I can remember has generated controversies and crazies, none were followed by several days of protests, minor rioting, and, my personal favorite, triggered Snowflakes.

First, Snowflakes. I'm hoping that Snowflake Syndrome melts away, and soon, but just now it's a thing. If my feeble scribbles were more widely disseminated I would probably be attacked for being an unrepentant triggeror. I plead gleefully guilty.

[Yes, gentlereaders, I know there is no such word as triggeror but there should be, and perhaps will be, if triggering ever becomes an official hate crime. Considering our culture's current trajectory, I wouldn't bet against it.]

It seems that the election of the Donald was so traumatic for many?/some? (I'll wager someone is looking into this, funded by -- The Gubmint -- money) of our more delicate and/or damaged college students that it's triggered Snowflake Syndrome on college campuses nationwide. Many a midterm had to be canceled, much hot chocolate is being brewed and therapists remain on high alert. Playdough, coloring books, crying rooms and comfort dogs are being deployed.

Meanwhile, off campus, there was a short-lived panic generated by strange noises being heard in cemeteries. The panic ended when it was discovered that it was just members of the Greatest Generation turning over in their graves.

Which brings us to protests and mini-riots. "Not my president! Not my president! Oh, look baby, flat screens, lets both grab one." Sound of glass breaking. These have been popping up hither and yon ever since the Donald was declared the victor. As to how extensive they are -- and who is participating and why -- well, that depends on who you believe. In my semi-humble opinion, it's mostly the usual suspects, members in good standing of the International Union of Professional Perpetually Protesting Protestors & Perpetual Victims of This, That & The Other Thing (IUPPPPPVTTT). The acronym is pronounced I up p-p-p, peevy t-t-t

The masses aren't taking to the streets, but those that have are much more infotaining than those folks who had to get up and go to work the day after the election even if they stayed up half the night waiting to see who the winner was (and actually voted). Guess which group the infotainment industry is obsessing over?

A goodly cross section of the masses didn't even bother to vote, as usual. I went a-googling and discovered that since the 1930s roughly 50 to 60% of Americans have turned out to vote for president every four years. This year's turnout looks to be about 55%. (the final numbers still aren't in).

[There's a point to this bonkercockie, yes? asks Dana the imaginary gentlereader. My muse, Marie-Louise, maintains a neutral expression, she's still on her first cup of coffee.]

My point is that I think that while many in the infotainment industry, the Snowflakes, and the members of the IUPPPPPVTTT think (or at least pretend to, to keep profits up), that this is the American Apocalypse. I don't, and for your sakes, I hope that this mini-infotainer, this semi-humble scribbler in pursuit of enlightened infotainment, ain't wrong

Keep in mind that up until the election, which happened less than two weeks ago, just about all the members of the infotainment industry, along with the Snowflakes and the members in good standing of the IUPPPPPVTTT, were certain the Republicrat party was wrecked. Fate flipped a switch and now they're all equally certain the Depublicans have been destroyed.

[Note from the Clarifications for Gentlereaders Department: Please be aware that His Crankiness, despite our repeated objections, insists on referring to the Republican party as the Republicrat party and the Democratic party as the Depublican party. He says you'll understand.]

In fact, what's happened is that the Wizard of Oz of  the new millennium became president while most of the country was mesmerized by his mastery of special effects and... Gadzooks! I've exceeded my word budget, sorry. Poppa loves you. To be continued...

Have an OK day.

P.S. If you're a Facebooker, and you enjoy my shtuff, could I trouble you to click on "Like" at the top of the page? This will (hopefully) help me to find some new readers, and retain existing ones, via your friendly neighborhood cranks Facebook page.