Summer Reruns Continue

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

This weekly column consists of letters written to my perspicacious progeny — the Stickies — to advise 'em now and haunt them after I'm deleted.

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC-65: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring {Dana}: Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device 

"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach...I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'" -Steven Wright

Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders), 

Yup, I'm still on vacation in the South of France. If you're unaware of how this came about last week's column explains all. 

I'm embarrassed to say that I fell asleep on the beach at Village Naturiste Oasis Village while Collette was shopping and I'm so badly sunburned that I can hardly move. However, I was able to dictate this explanation and instruct her on how to post what follows below. 

I've recently been made aware that many of my gentlereaders see no reason to click on the link that is the closing of my weekly letter, having done so years ago, and which, by the way, is based on an old column written when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and has been tweaked just a bit.  

Also, believe it or not, I have fans who read my column via the dead trees format who have likely never had a chance to discover the origin of "have an OK day." 

Given all that, this week's summer rerun is what gentlereaders encounter if they follow the link in question. I'm feeling better and promise that next week's rerun will be a rewritten, full-fledged column originally published in 2015 about an issue that never seems to go away. 

When I'm king of the forrrest, the insipid phrase have a nice day will officially be changed to have an OK day. Hang in there will also be acceptable. Life is sometimes brutal, sometimes nice, but mostly, it's just SBDD (same bonkercockie, different day). So, Mark, how was your day? Well, some of it was nice, some of it was brutal, mostly it was somewhere in between. It was OK. I didn't win the lottery, but I wasn't tortured and killed. I hung in there.

"Have a nice day!," saith the fast-food worker as she shoves the bag containing my (often jacked up) order in my general direction while not making eye contact because her focus has already shifted to the next customer and she's hoping to get the drive-thru window closed before I ask for salt, a bunch of it. 

I always ask for a bunch, so that if I get lucky, I may get two or even three packets instead of one (or none) before she snatches her hand away and the window slides shut. Now, if I'm in a reckless mood, or I'm feeling annoyed because I've tapped on the window and received a what are you still doing here glare before she reluctantly slides the window back open I may exercise the nuclear option. 

As she reluctantly hands me my salt packets (apparently salt volume is the key determinant of profit or loss in the fast-food industry) I'll call up the warmest smile I can muster and say, "I'm sorry, may I have a few more, please? I define food as a salt delivery mechanism" in a charmingly self-effacing tone. I've even been known to chuckle. From the look on her face, I'd have to say that having to hand me salt (again!) has ruined her perfectly nice day.  

This is the second most effective way I know of to gently remind a fast-food employee associate (though chances are it will, at best, be a subliminal reminder) that there's a customer – the source of all revenue – right here, right now, and in spite of the odds, seeking satisfaction. 

Sometimes, you have to look for it, you'll get an almost startled reaction. Wow, it's one of those sources of all revenue! I've heard stories, but I never thought I'd actually have to do more than toss the bag and chirp, Have a nice day!  

I know, I know, she works hard for the money and is definitely not being overpaid. I have a similar problem. However, no customers = no pay. If you want me to have a nice day, gimmesumsalt, and don't jack up my order. Say thank you and I'll dance at your wedding (or divorce). 

What's the number one most effective way to gently nudge an FFA (fast food associate) onto the same level of reality as oneself? Order a sundae, and ask them to make it with half strawberry and half chocolate syrup. Awkward pause. But...but there's no button for that! Hilarity ensues. You may get to meet the manager on duty.

Now, if I manage to get more than one salt packet, with a minimum of hassle, this will indeed be, at the very least, a nice moment. If I get a thank you for giving up some of my hard-earned money I'll know it's a sign from God and buy some scratch-off lottery tickets. Maybe I'll win big... wouldn't that be a nice day? 

Alternatively, it could turn ugly and snowball downhill into a brutal day via not enough salt, a jacked-up order, flat soda pop, stale buns, fries that have cooled off and reverted to their natural state (plastic), etc. And, of course, having to deal with me could nudge her day in a brutal direction.

The point is that Destiny (we've become close) and I have fairly limited control over who or what wanders into our personal reality zones and sparks a nice or brutal moment or day. Also, nice or brutal can easily morph into their opposites. 

If I win big in the lottery it might ultimately result in my degeneration into a perverted libertine and slobbering drug addict, which would be (mostly) a bad thing. If I were to be kidnaped by ISIS operatives and tortured for information because they've mistaken me for the head of the drone pilot training program but I was rescued by Leroy Jethro Gibbs and his team, that would be a nice thing and me and my work might go viral.

{Gibbs is gone.}

In theory, but I recently checked in for the first time in years, and even though only two of the main characters are there it's the same show over and over and...

However, Destiny and I (who, for the record, is 76, and will be introducing me to her friends and parents when we go mall walking tomorrow), having rejected society's misguided embrace of the meaningless nice day concept, choose to embrace having an OK day, and hope you do as well. 

Brutal days are going to happen to you despite lucky charms, prayers, and positive affirmations. Nice days are going to happen to you despite curses, your boss, or The Fedrl Gummit. No matter what happens it could always be worse, and it might even get better. But there's only so much you can do about it, so why not split the difference and strive for an OK day? OK blunts the brutal and nurtures the nice.

On a personal note, Destiny and I have decided to get married, probably in June of 2025. All of my readers are invited but please RSVP and be aware that no one will be admitted without a gift. Hang in there.

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

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I post links to my columns (and other stuff) on Facebook so that you can love me, hate me, or lobby to have me publicly flogged.

Summer Reruns

The original column was published in July of 2015.

Image by JamesDeMers from Pixabay

This weekly column consists of letters written to my perspicacious progeny — the Stickies — to advise 'em now and haunt them after I'm deleted.

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC-65: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring {Dana}: Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device 

“Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country” -John F. Kenedy

Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders),  

Greetings and Salutations from the South of France!

Very long story short, a friend of mine, who just happens to be an absurdly wealthy business mogul whose identity I've promised to not reveal...

{Does his last name rhyme with tusk?}

When he discovered that the executive staff of The Flyoverland Crank, Inc. was enjoying a most expenses paid retreat on the shores of Lake Erie to work out the details of a significant change of company policy (stay tuned) and that we would be publishing reruns of beloved columns for the next month or so...

Well, he suggested I borrow his villa in the South of France for a much-needed break and induced a... um, friend of his, Collette, to be my personal tour guide to help make the most of the experience since I've never been out of North America. 

Another long story short (forgive me) concerns the fact that when I started to "lightly edit" old columns for republication I discovered that while basic narratives generally held up, facts and my personal opinions had often changed. 

Most importantly, my writing style has changed so much that what follows is a heavily edited version of the original that's essentially a new column. Looks like my vacation is going to be a working vacation but it's better than no vacation. 

With apologies to JFK, I ask not why The Fedrl Gummit is so jacked up — I ask (all things considered) why it works as well as it does. 

I'm no wild-eyed campus-crashing Wokie. I'm merely a sorta/kinda libertarian with strong conservative impulses and undeniable leftover old-school liberal notions as I'm very concerned about what should be done to aid those left behind by the global economy.

I believe we need rules on the playground, as well as an intelligently designed safety net. But I would like the rules to be as few in number as possible and rationally conceived so as to maximize our fun and minimize our stepping on each other's toes. 

And I can't help but wonder if our ever-growing debt is going to blow up the economy because we're not willing to do what it's going to take to truly slay the inflation dragon.

{Those left behind? You ain't seen nothin' yet. Wait till white-collar jobs start being "disrupted" out of existence by AI in significant enough numbers to begin generating scary headlines and stories — written by AI! Look on the bright side, with any luck, you'll be dead before the economy collapses.}

I wonder if the arrogant, dismissive phrase "learn to code" will be replaced by learn to weld, or plumb, or build? But I've gotta stay focused on rewriting the original version of this column, Dana, my new friend Collette has made dinner reservations for us at Auberge du Vieux Puit in the Corbières Hills this evening. 

{Right. Good thing staying focussed is one of your strong points.}

Our national debt is 57,000 103,000 bucks each as this is being written, and steadily increasing as you read this. While cutting spending is always occasionally on the agenda, both parties define "cuts" as spending a little less on planned increases over a ten-year period, to make the numbers bigger.

Think about that. 

Congressperson Stumblebum looks into the camera and with steely resolve states that if re-elected she'll battle to get government spending under control. How? Simply, increase spending by slightly less than planned over the next decade, and call it a spending cut. 

She won't put it like that though. She'll tell us that under her plan spending at the Department of Bonkercockie will be reduced by a billion dollars a year. 

With a little luck, Congressperson Stumblebum will be a lobbyist long before the decade is up and she'll no longer have to dirty her hands running for office in order to get her dirty little hands on other people's money.

She, and most likely the media source that provides you with this information won't bother to remind you that we don't have ten-year budgets. We have one-year budgets, at least in theory, we haven't actually operated under one since 2010 I don't know when. 

{Ah-ha! So the number you used back in 2015 was...}

I confess I can't remember where I got it, and when I went a-googlin' to see if it was accurate I got so lost I gave up and had to take a nap. The Worldwide Web of Contradictory Knowledge (WWCK) supplied multiple answers 

{AI is going to fix that!}  

"Back in the day," President Obama created the bipartisan Simpson-Bowles Commission (2010) to study and make recommendations for fixing our financial problems. 

You may have noticed The Fedrl Gummit long ago maxed out its credit cards, but the issuer (themselves) keeps sending out new ones (to themselves).

The commission was originally a provision of a bipartisan law that would require Congress to vote only up or down on the commission's recommendations since Congress long ago lost its ability to compromise on virtually anything. 

The law was never actually passed, in fact, some of the original co-sponsors voted against it. Mr. Obama decided to set up the commission by executive order. 

The commission figured out that if we were to plug enough loopholes and eliminate enough special favors and social engineering from the tax code we could lower everyone's taxes. Toss in some real spending cuts and entitlement reform and now you're getting somewhere!

Mr. Obama, and Congress, stuck the report in a drawer and returned to Job-1, getting/staying elected.   

Mismanaging our money is not the only task The Fedrl Gummit excels in. No private entity can hope to match the government when it comes to creating rules and regulations. 

The Federal Register is the official record of all the Rules&Regs you're supposed to follow if you have the good fortune to live in the USA.

If there was a board game about the USA called, Life In a Free Country? in addition to the instructions on how to play the game you'd need an app to keep track of all the Rules&Regs you need to follow in order to remain on the straight and narrow as prescribed by Congress and the 2,711,000 2,950,000 civilian employees of The Fedrl Gummit.

I got the new number from USAFacts — "The federal government employs almost three million people and is larger than some industries in the US." However, if you go a-googlin you will discover different numbers reported by different sources so feel free to choose the one you prefer.

Incidentally, USAFacts was founded by Steve Ballmer, a former Microsoft CEO with more money than God who picks up the tab. 

It's not a registered (tax dodging) non-profit, it doesn't run ads, and nothing's for sale. He put it together, and maintains it, because "...unlike businesses, US governments are not mandated to compile reports on their expenditures...Americans need access to government data to understand the state of the nation."

Oh, I almost forgot, The Federal Register has  80,000 90,402 pages.

How on Earth did Congress find the time to write so many Rules & Regs? That's where the 2,711,000 2,950,000 bureaucrats come in. 

Realizing that writing all those Rules&Regs themselves would be inefficient and detract from time spent on Job-1, Congress passes thousand-page laws without reading them that authorize bureaucrats to create the Rules&Regs needed to put the brilliant ideas of their overlords into effect.

That's right fellow citizens, America has 2,711,000 2,950,000 potential rule writers on the Swamp's payroll.

The good news is the Supremes are currently contemplating doing away or at least placing limits on rule by bureaucracy. Fingers crossed. 

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down if you wish to share my work or access my golden oldies.   

I post links to my columns (and other stuff) on Facebook so that you can love me, hate me, or lobby to have me publicly flogged.  

    

The Elites

Image by Jo Wiggijo from Pixabay

NEWS RELEASE

For immediate dissemination

Planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy — The planet Earth Inc. has announced that the battle of the New Millenium is underway. 

On the undercard: Normies vs. LGBTQ+++ 

Main event: Pasty patriarchal hegemonistic Euro-imperialists vs. Womyn and People of Various Hues 

Proudly promoted by the Purple Press: Down in power, but not out, baby!

This weekly column consists of letters written to my perspicacious progeny — the Stickies — to advise 'em now and haunt them after I'm deleted.

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC-65: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring {Dana}: Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device 

"I worked with these liberal elites for 28 years at CBS News, and they were always throwing around the term 'white trash,' by which they meant poor southerners who didn't go to Harvard. I'm not sure why that makes them trash." -Bernard Goldberg

Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders),  

The real fight, the elites of America vs. the rest of us, ain't even listed on the undercard. Let me begin by defining some terms and providing a bit of background. 

There was a more or less widely reported news story back in January that lasted about a minute before sinking in the Dizzinformation Ocean.

{I can't imagine why, but then again you're just now writing about this, who's paying you off, Sparky?}

Do you remember the Occupy Wall Street protest of 2011 that lasted for 59 days? Let's send the 1% to the guillotine? 

Till relatively recently I've personally thought that a sub-class of the 1%, people like Bezos, Gates, Cook, Zuckerberg, the Google Gang, and a relative handful of mega-billionaire businessmenpersons — infected with the Woke Mind Virus (WMV) or willing to fake it — were the sort we should all be worried about and keeping an eye on.

{Not to mention no shortage of spoiled progeny, ex-wives, and awokened foundations that have turned on the evil capitalist who started them.}

This is true, Dana, but there are people with money bins bigger than anything Scrooge McDuck could even dream of who have plenty of money and power because of the companies they run and/or control. 

They're not only gazillionaires, they're titans with global reach and the power to shape what information (and propaganda) we have access to and the ability (and willingness) to "disrupt" entire industries for fun and profit.

And here comes AI. 

Big BUT, over the years a new class has evolved, the elites. 

At the behest of an organization called The Committee to Unleash Prosperity, the Rasmussen people conducted a survey that divided respondents into two groups, the general public and the elites. Then they issued a report based on the results. 

Elites are defined as people w/at least one post-graduate degree, who've graduated from a handful of prestigious universities, earn more than 150k a year, and who live in zip codes with more than 10,000 people per square mile.

They also are often either infected with WMV, or at least claim to be, to shield themselves from the rest of us and/or justify/rationalize their power and privilege. 

{That wasn't in the report!}

No, it wasn't, but this was, "In a time when most Americans have suffered a loss of real take-home pay, 74% of elites say they are financially better off today than in the past...." 

You might think that a survey that revealed the opinions and viewpoints of these people would go viral instead of sinking to the bottom of the Dizzinformation Ocean in short order, particularly given the results. 

But these are the people who have control of and/or work for the Un-huh! Nuh-uh! machine (the internet), media of all sorts, academia, Hollywood, woke HR departments, etc.

"While 40% of Americans say their financial situation is worsening, just 20% say it’s improving."

One of the happy side effects of the American experiment was the development of a hooge middle class, our largest population cohort. It's so large we divide it into three sectors: lower-middle, middle-middle, and upper-middle.

The rich, of course, have always punched above their weight. Money = power, but the middle classes traditionally have had plenty of power of their own. 

Many of the rich started out there, or even at the bottom, and retain middle-class common sense and sensibilities. It's still possible for the poor to claw their way up the food chain but it's much harder than it used to be.

Despite the hollowing out of America's industrial base, which used to finance the masses in the middle, there are still plenty of jobs around, at least at the moment. But even the ones that pay relatively decently require too many hours and/or two incomes for everyone in the house to keep their heads above water.

{Well, maybe, but... Wait, who's raising the kids?}

A century or so of slow but steady currency debasement, systemic inflation, and now living off the national credit card is catching up with our republic. 

The average Joe, Joan, or J. Bagadonuts technically lives in the same America as the elites but inhabits a different reality.

The full report is well worth reading, but I know how busy most of you are. Since this is a full-service column, here are some of the highlights of the report listed in its executive summary. 

"Below, we highlight some of the profound attitudinal differences between elites and average Americans:

- Nearly six in ten say there is too much individual freedom in America...

- More than two-thirds (67%) favor rationing of vital energy and food sources to combat the threat of climate change.

- ...70% of the Elites trust the government to 'do the right thing.'

- Two-thirds (67%) say teachers and other educational professionals should decide what children are taught rather than letting parents decide.

- Somewhere between half and two-thirds favor banning things like SUVs, gas stoves, air conditioning, and non-essential air travel to protect the environment.

- About six of ten elites have a favorable opinion of the so-called talking professions — lawyers, lobbyists, politicians, and journalists."

- 81% report never missing one of The Flyoverland Crank's weekly columns. 

{You made that last one up!}

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down if you wish to share my work or access my golden oldies.   

I post links to my columns (and other stuff) on Facebook so that you can love me, hate me, or lobby to have me publicly flogged.