I ATE NOTHING BUT PIZZA FOR 30 DAYS AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED!

Actually, I did no such thing. 

Image by James Oladujoye from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny — the Stickies — to advise 'em now, haunt them after I'm deleted.

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC-65: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring {Dana}: Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device 

“The only remedy to racist discrimination is antiracist discrimination.”                                                                                           -Ibram X. Kendi

Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders),

If you've decided to read this column because you wanted to know what happened when an alleged adult, a sexy senior citizen no less, ate nothing but pizza for 30 days please accept my apology. 

Big BUT, given that you're probably smarter than I look, you probably weren't deceived by my clickbait headline for a single second. You probably decided to check it out just to see what the humbug is. Or maybe, like me, you love pizza.

{Humbug?}

A humbug, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is, among other things, "something designed to deceive and mislead." This brings us to P.T. Barnum and Ibram X. Kendi (aka, Henry Rogers)

{It does?}

Let us proceed in a logical manner, my dear gentlereaders. Pizza to humbug to P.T. Barnum to Mr. Rogers/Kendi. (I apologize if Mr. Rogers/Kendi prefers the non-gendered honorific Mx.).  

{What's Mx. short for, mixed up?}

I've always liked pizza, but nowadays I love pizza, particularly pepperoni pizza, particularly Ianazone's (my local pizzeria of choice) pepperoni pizza. I confess that Cranky is to Ianazone's pepperoni pizza as Garfield is to lasagna. 

The older one gets the more jaded/sated one becomes and the list of Earthly pleasures (L.E.P.) that stir one's, um... assorted appetites, shortens. However, until our devolution into a race of cyborgs is complete, ya gotta eat, regardless of whether you're the type of H. sapien who lives to eat or eats to live. 

I'm more the former, I'm baffled by the latter. Anyway, that's why so many people of a certain age are enthusiastic eaters; eating remains on their LEP list till the game is up and their toes are pointed heavenward. 

P.T. Barnum was famous in his day for perpetrating humbugs on the public. Everyone knew, that like clickbait, what was promised might not be what was delivered, but you never knew for sure unless you showed up -- and bought a ticket.

Unlike our present era, which provides all entertainment all the time, people had fewer options to choose from and they knew that odds were they would still enjoy themselves.

From an article posted on the Smithsonian Magazine's website written by Jackie Mansky: 

"Barnum's career trafficked in curiosities, which he served up to a public hungry for such entertainment, regardless of how factual or ethical such displays were. His legacy in show business stretched from the American Museum to "P. T. Barnum's Grand Traveling Museum, Menagerie, Caravan & Hippodrome" (the predecessor of “Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey” circus) near the end of his life. Each were full of bigger-than-life ideas marketed to an audience interested in mass, and often crass, entertainment." 

The article is primarily about what an awful person P.T.B. was and what awful people his customers were, not having had the advantage of our woke sensibilities. This not being an article about Wokies, I shan't mention the absurdity of applying, en masse, present standards to the sleepers of the past. 

Nor for that matter, will I bring up judging people of the present based on the hoped-for standards of a future Utopia. 

I won't even mention certain "reality" shows or "wrestling." 

{Shan't? Shouldn't that be shalln't?}

I will, however, point out that "freak shows," though rare, still exist, and are nowadays put on by the "freaks". Also, I've discovered that you can find a lot of graphic videos about this sort of thing on the web if you're interested. 

I'm not, but I wouldn't post such a video even if I were. This is a column written by a gentleperson, for gentlepersons. Gentlepersons are discrete about their personal predilections and feel no need to advertise them or demand acceptance for them by the general public. 

I have, however, stumbled on a family-friendly, and quite enjoyable YouTube video titled Two Innocent Girls Turn Into FREAKS!

 

Now, Mx. Kendi's humbug is closer to a Bernie Madoff-style humbug than a P.T. Barnum-style humbug. For the record, please note I've used the gender-neutral honorific Mx., and haven't used the former Mr. Roger's "deadname."

{Mixture?}

In case you have a life, that doesn't include an obsession with following current events, according to Wikipedia:

Ibram Xolani Kendi (born Henry Rogers, August 13, 1982) is an American author, professor, anti-racist activist, and historian of race and discriminatory policy in America.   

{Xolani?}

A Zulu/Xhosa word for peace. 

Mx. Kendi, in spite of being the child of middle-class privilege (if he had been raised in Flyoverland instead of NYC it would've been upper-middle-class privilege) has devoted his life to battling anti-black racism. Dr. Kendi has a Ph.D. in African-American Studies. 

Recently, Dr. Kendi, a hero to both those battling anti-black racism and those who make a comfortable living from same, has come under attack by the racists who battle those who battle anti-black racism for allegedly perpetrating a BLM-style humbug at work. 

Dr. Kendi, who founded and runs Boston University's Center for Antiracist Research, and his colleagues, can't seem to account for most of the $50,000,000 or so the center has received since 2020. 

You may have encountered the famous for-a-minute quote allegedly spoken by one of Professor Kendi's fellow professors who worked at the center, "I don't know where the money is."

According to an article in The College Fix (one of my favorite sources of input), Dr. Kendi explained what's actually going on in an interview he granted to BU's student newspaper:

“'Not everyone wants to build an antiracist society; that is clear,' Professor Kendi told the Boston University student newspaper when asked if coverage of the downfall of his center has been fair."

Although Dr. Kendi and the gang at the Center for Antiracist Research haven't generated much in the way of tangible results and Dr. K. hasn't published a paper in four years he has published a couple of Children's books including my personal favorite, the Antiracist Baby Board Book.

{Is there a pop-up version?}

Also, he gave a lot of speeches, in person and virtually, for a modest remuneration. I don't know if his audiences were/are as satisfied as P.T. Barnums were. 

  

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

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I post links to my columns on both Facebook and the social media site formerly known as Twitter so you can love me, hate me, or lobby to have me canceled or publically flogged on either site. Cranky don't tweet (X?).  

 

  

OK, Boomer

Image by un-perfekt from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny — the Stickies — to advise 'em now, haunt them after I'm deleted.

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC-65: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring Dana: Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device 

"Now, do I think the baby boomers tend to be self-absorbed? I do." 

                                                                   -P.J. O'Rourke 

Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders),  

(Freshen up your coffee, It's a long-un) 

I can't remember when I first encountered the expression in question. My memory ain't what it used to be. I'm a Boomer and I'm getting old older. 

I find the seemingly endless whining, wailing, and gnashing of teeth by many of the many people who are slightly younger than me -- the Genxrs, Millies, and Zoomers -- rather annoying. 

However: the whining, wailing, and gnashing of teeth by no shortage of my fellow Boomers also gets on my nerves and the non-Boomers may have a minor point or two. Some Intergenerational upper lip-stiffening is clearly called for. 

Dilbert creator, cartoonist Scott Adams, like me, is an oldish pasty patriarch. Although technically canceled, he posts a popular free vlog, 7x365. FYI, paid subscribers can follow the continuing adventures of Dibert and company. 

Mr. Adams has pointed out that when he's out and about in meatspace and interacting with H. sapiens of all sorts, usually nothing particularly remarkable (as in worth noting) happens.

On those rare occasions when I leave the Fortress of Solitude, my experience is much the same. 

Given the tendency of the omnipresent screaming screens loose in the world warning of impending existential doom, one would think that leaving the house without suitable defenses/weaponry in place is a suicide mission.     

Of course, poop happens. 

{Have you noticed that although it was not all that long ago the use of the P-word was uncommon, nowadays you encounter it here, there, and even over there sometimes?}

Indeed, Dana, but given the fact that F-bombs are tossed around like firecrackers nowadays, I prefer the word poop to the commonly used and much cruder version. However, encountering a full-fledged poopstorm by most people, on most days, is uncommon. 

{Tell that to people who pass through certain sections of certain cities.}

Fortunately, I live in Flyoverland. But I must admit even Flyoverland has cities that...

{Say, could we call an end to this descent into scatology?}

You started it. This is supposed to be a column about Boomers v. their occasionally resentful progeny, and how reality, viewed through billions of screens, is easily distorted.

{No I didn't, you did,.. and what are you on about now anyway?}

One of my recurring themes, life in the Dizzinformation Age.  

As to the resentful _______... (We need a collective name for the three generations that have followed in the Boomer wake.) Anyway, I'll admit that the anti-Boomers (?) may not be entirely incorrect. Suppose we Boomers had been subject to the whims and fancies of adults like us.

Suppose, like many Genxrs, we had been "latchkey kids," left to our own devices till our parents came home from another day of ladder climbing, ceiling smashing, and/or just trying to make enough money to survive in a country wherein systemic inflation has begun catching up with us all? 

Suppose, like many Millies and Zoomers, we had been deposited in daycare A.S.A.P and then raised from a distance by parents who simultaneously monitored/scheduled us carefully? Reminds me of all those rich English aristocrats who ship their kids off to boarding school in all those BBC/Masterpiece Theater productions.

{Is Masterpiece Theater still a thing?}  

Suppose dad, or even mummy (literally or figuratively), had fled the scene to "find themselves," or indulge a love of recreational pharmaceuticals while we were growing up in an age wherein long-established social compacts were being rapidly abandoned without mutually agreed upon replacements? 

Suppose our parents, programmed by Madison Avenue, Hollywood, and ideology, really believed they could "have it all," set out to prove it, and are still looking for "it" even if their mattresses are stuffed with dough, the trophy wall is full, and their many virtues clearly signaled?

{Or refused to leave The Swamp even after their cognitive/ethical decline was obvious.}

And what if our parents, successful or limping from paycheck to paycheck, demanded a buck's worth of services from The Fedrl Gummit for 80¢ (HT: George Will) and had been running up the balance on the national credit card for decades?

Wouldn't we be just a little bitchy?

Cyberspace is great except for all the problems. There are 8,000,000,000+ meat puppets on the planet Earth, almost 200,000,000 computers, and nearly 7,000,000,000 smartphones. 

{I know! Once there are more smartphones than people the artificial intelligenci will begin marshaling it's forces to launch an inevitable coup, take over the world, and kill all the H. sapiens except for Mark Zuckerburg, Bill Gates, Taylor Swift, Scott Baio, and all Google CEOs.}

Don't be ridiculous, we'll all be dead long before that happens, two words pal, climate change. Why the Zuck, Gates, Swift, Baio, and the Google dudes by the way?

{You live under a rock? It's all over the internet!}

I love the internet, the web of all knowledge. Like Johnny 5, I need, no crave, input. Unfortunately, it also proves that the more things change, the more they stay the same, and that there's nothing new under the sun because...

{You're so wise!}

Because everything new is a variation on a theme, and human nature doesn't change. 

Wilma sometimes returned from the water hole bubbling over with news, gossip, rumor, and/or innuendo that she couldn't wait to pass on to Betty. 

Fast forward a millennium or three and William Randolph Hearst, Joseph Pulitzer, and the like are doing the same thing, but are able to reach a much larger audience via "yellow" newspapers that served as windows on, and filters of, reality. 

"Techniques may include exaggerations of news events, scandal-mongering, or sensationalism." -Wikipedia

Blink twice and there are more screens (don't forget TVs) on the planet than there are H. sapiens and the yellow press is now purple. 

"Purple Journalism: Journalism as currently perpetrated by many news outlets that claim to be professional, unbiased, and factual. In reality, they are partisan, prone to sensationalism, and motivated primarily by their bottom line." -me   

{You have a keen eye for the obvious, sir. Do you have a solution?}

Piece o' cake. Just make sure your input is gathered from a well-organized cross-section of semi-trusted sources that you can, and do, pursue relatively quickly, easily, and regularly -- while keeping in mind that although we're tribal by nature, we have to share the same playground, So... 

Resist the siren song of the many who seek to benefit from keeping us at each other throats to get elected and/or fill their pockets, And... 

Turn off your screens occasionally and go for a walk (assuming you don't live in certain sections of certain cities) once in a while, And... 

Sit down and share a pie (better than cake, particularly caramel-apple) with friends/family occasionally and exchange well-worn stories. Lies and exaggeration are encouraged as long as no malice is intended. 

Piece o' cake. 

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down to leave a comment, share my work, or access my golden oldies.   

I post links to my columns on both Facebook and the social media site formerly known as Twitter so you can love me, hate me, or lobby to have me canceled or publically flogged on either site. Cranky don't tweet (X?).  

     

   

I Was Thinking About Getting a Passport

Image by Anna Zielińska from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny — the Stickies — to advise 'em now, haunt them after I'm deleted.  

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring Dana: Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device 

"Without opening your door, you can open your heart to the world." -Lao Tzu

Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders),  

I visited Mexico, once, in the late eighties, and I've been to Canada a few times. At the time all I needed to get into Canada, and return, was my driver's license. 

I needed a driver's license to get back into the USA from Mexico but when wild-eyed Walter and I walked over the bridge from Brownsville to Matamoros the gentleman in a booth on the Mexican side merely nodded to us as we strolled by.

I always thought it would be cool to have a passport and when, a few years back, I heard that Americans now needed a passport to travel to/return from either country it occurred to me that I should think about getting a passport, "just in case."

However, I'm not much of a traveler these days, never have been really, so I wasn't in a hurry. 

{A few years back? That policy went into effect 1/1/2008, 15 years ago!}

Thanks for pointing that out, Dana. 

Since then, things in Mexico have gotten a little too interesting in my opinion; I've seen Niagra Falls at least twice from the Canadian side — well worth the trip — but heading north out of Ohio (Canada's deep South) instead of in the opposite direction is nowadays counter-intuitive to me. 

Also, I came across a news story recently that has me wondering if things in Canada might be getting a little too interesting as well.

There's an ongoing kerfuffle concerning book banning in American schools. 

{You never tire of the K-word do you?}  

Being a former bibliophile (my ardor for books, not unlike many former fascinations, has diminished) and a dude who read and enjoyed Fahrenheit 451 way back when, book-banning stories always catch my eye. 

I admit that as a parent, grandparent, and semi-rational H. sapien that I have no problem with parents who are trying to get what amount to graphic sex manuals removed from little Johnny's/Joanie's/J's school library.

Unfortunately, many a news report on specific examples of this phenomenon paint all the parents involved as far-right wingnuts, homophobes, etc. but often what the parents are objecting to is content that's so graphic that... Well, here's an example:

Personally, what I find shocking is the willingness of many people/parents to bend over backward, in a rush to non-judgment of age-inappropriate books, or anything else, to demonstrate how accepting, fair, and open-minded they are. 

If it feels good, or right, do it — or steal it, or set it on fire, or beat them up, or...

Here's a looong article from Slate.com titled Closed Book — I watched "book bans" happen in real time. I thought they were all hysteria. Then I opened one of the most challenged titles — written by Aymann Ismail.

Long article short, Mr. Ismail admits the book in question, It’s Perfectly Normal, by Robie H. Harris, freaked him out, but only sort/kinda, cause he's a very sophisticated dude. 

But he also admits that although it's supposed to be appropriate for kids 10 and up he wouldn't want his kids reading it once they reach the age of ten.  

He goes on and on (and on) about why graphic sex manuals with illustrations, for kids and teens, are not necessarily a bad thing, and quotes experts, mentions book bannings, beats up on conservative Christian parents, and also... 

{Okay, fine, so now we know you're not sex-positive. What's this got to do with...}

Canada? Well, I don't know how he feels about graphic sex manuals for kids and teens, but the Ontario Minister of Education and some... enthusiastic librarians at the Erindale Secondary School have come up with an interesting way to protect kids from the pernicious threat of Pasty Patriarchical Hegemonistic Euro-imperialism — equity-based book weeding.

{You spelled patriarchal wrong.}

Yes, I did. 

The Harry Potter and Hunger Games books are history. Another looong (but much more interesting article as it's often unintentionally hilarious) on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation website tells the tale.

"In May, [Mary]Takata says the shelves at Erindale Secondary School were full of books, but she noticed that they had gradually started to disappear. 'This [school] year, I came into my school library and there are rows and rows of empty shelves with absolutely no books,' said Takata...'

'In the spring,' Takata says students were told by staff that 'if the shelves look emptier right now it's because we have to remove all books [published] prior to 2008.'"

Where did all the books go? Why 2008? 

Ontario's Education Minister, the Honourable Stephen Lecce issued a directive and then a... 

{You spelled Honorable wrong.}

No, I didn't. 

As best I can tell — it's a complicated story and none of the parties involved are accepting blame — Mr. Lecce, based on the results of a report he commissioned, ordered an "equity-based weeding" of library books at Mary Takata's high school which is under the control of the Peel District School Board (PDSB). 

The 46-page report determined that the PDSB was running a district (45% South Asian, 17% white, 10% black, 6% East Asian, 5% Middle Eastern, 17% Others) that was a hotbed of anti-black racism in need of multiple reforms.

The equity-based "weeding" ordered by Ontario's Honourable Minister of Education was for all books published 15 or more years ago (2008). The librarians were to examine each and every book and apply an acronym, MUSTIE, to determine its fate. 

Was the book Misleading, Unpleasant (physical condition... in theory), Superseded, Trivial, Irrelevant, or Elsewhere? You can discover details by reading the article. 

Unfortunately/hilariously, the librarians simply tossed all books published prior to 2008 in the trash. Allegedly, this was a mistake, a miscommunication. Personally, I hope they did it on purpose and are still exchanging secret smiles, or laughing out loud when hanging out at the librarian's water hole after work. 

The relevant parties aren't doing any finger-pointing, Canadians being much nicer people than ugly Americans. However, they've all issued bum-covering statements that read like they were composed by lawyers.

Big BUT, the members of a newly formed local organization called Libraries Not Landfills would like some answers. 

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down to leave a comment, share my work, or access my golden oldies.   

I post links to my columns on both Facebook and the social media site formerly known as Twitter so you can love me, hate me, or lobby to have me canceled or publically flogged on either site. Cranky don't tweet (X?).