Free Love

Image by 👀 Mabel Amber, who will one day from Pixabay

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted. Reading via monitor/tablet is recommended for maximum enjoyment.  

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Intended for H. sapiens that are — in the words of the late, great bon vivant and polymath, Professor Y. Bear — "Smarter [and cooler] than the av-er-age bear." 

About

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"We don't need a piece of paper from the city hall, keeping us tried and true."

                                                                                                   -Joni Mitchell

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

You know how some memory (accurate or otherwise) from your distant past of no real importance gets stuck in your head for some reason? 

I remember a conversation I had when I was a 16-year-old virgin male with a 16-year-old virgin female wherein I confidently stated that I was a firm believer in free love way back in... well, it was a long time ago.

Hint: The meme Make love, not war was popping up here, there, and I'm told, even over there.      

The young woman in question... 

By the by and for the record, I have it on good authority that she currently self-identifies as cisgender, her pronouns are she/her, thinks her sexual orientation is none of your damn business, that your sexual orientation is none of hers, and that modesty and discretion are virtues worth cultivating. 

The young woman in question's reply was, essentially, "Well, of course, you're a guy." 

While I can't recall her exact words, I do recall her tone. It clearly communicated that she didn't regard me at fault in any way, I couldn't help it, I was just a normal "guy." Guys are extremely creative about rationalizing the fact that most of us are primates in heat — 24x7x365.

In the course of a single lifetime I've witnessed the cultural pendulum swing (pun intended and embraced) from one extreme to the other, at least in the culture I live in (some others not so much). 

Women, long oppressed and suppressed have been set free. They now are free, often encouraged in fact, to release their previously shackled sexuality. Having been blessed by an encounter or two with women who did — in fact, was married to one for 21 years (my late wife) — I couldn't agree more.

However, going from one extreme to the other, rapidly, has its downsides. 

{You need to squeeze a few more cliches into this column.}     

Thanks, Dana. I don't know what I'd do without you. 

In light of the conversation that began this missive, but primarily because of my (Warning: fresh cliche ahead) "lived experience" since, I've arrived at two conclusions that are not currently popular in some circles. 

First, free love ain't free. 

Despite what you may have heard, men and women are in some fundamental physical, mental, emotional, etceterical ways (fortunately) quite different from each other. 

And one person's casual one-night stand is another person's emotional crisis. 

{You've got a keen eye for the obvious, sir!}

Depends on who ya ask. A sexy senior citizen with a modicum of wisdom and an eye for common sense would likely agree with me. A given Wokie would stamp Pasty Patriarch, cancel immediately on my file and forward it to the Intersectional Inquisition.   

Second, consider the ongoing epidemic of illegitimate parents. Ask all the kids of all ages being raised/having been raised without a mom or dad — or both — in the picture what the price of free love is. 

{Wait-wait-wait. Free love merely refers to enjoying sex without guilt or having to submit to stale cultural conventions.}  

   

I don't have a problem with that per se, however, if the law of unintended consequences swoops in things can get ugly, and fast. For example, an STD is your problem, well, you and your partners, and they and their partners, and...

{Enough already!}

Unwanted progeny however is more the fruit of your loins problem than yours or your partners. 

He/she/they weren't planned for, didn't ask to be here, and are unlikely to be fully mature till they're at least 25 or so. Kids with a mom and a dad in the picture have the best chance of surviving and thriving. "Follow the science," we are told, to which I would add, and follow the common sense.  

{Fruit of your loins? Seriously dude? Anyway, what should we do? Here's another cliche, you can't turn back the clock.} 

I'm not suggesting/hoping for a return to the conventional American morality of the 1950s. I merely wish to point out that our (cliche alert) actions have consequences, sometimes unpleasant ones. 

And that given what's being called a mental health crisis, and no shortage of STDs and unwanted pregnancies despite cheap and easily available condoms and other birth control methods, that we've tossed out the tot with the Jacuzzi water and...

{You've turned that phrase into a cliche over the years.} 

Good. We should all give a bit of thought to dreary old virtues like prudence, modesty, and delayed gratification. The culture (and life) you save may be your own.

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

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A New Republican Party?

 And a neo-republican movement

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted. Reading via monitor/tablet is recommended for maximum enjoyment.  

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Intended for H. sapiens that are — in the words of the late, great bon vivant and polymath, Professor Y. Bear — "Smarter [and cooler] than the av-er-age bear." 

About

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office." -Aesop

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

I've been threatening to explain what I mean by neoneoconservatism for a while now. 

I've decided to banish that term, replace it with the word neorepublicanism, and announce that not only is it my intention to champion a neorepublican movement, I also intend to make it the governing philosophy of the (alleged) Republican party. 

{Odd... I must have missed the press release announcing the date and time of the press conference. I'll bet the world is all... atwitter.} 

I see what you did there, Dana. And speaking of twits, I've decided to join the warring flocks. 

Dana shudders in revulsion. 

{Have you switched meds again and/or started seeing a new shrink?} 

Fear not. I'll use Twitter the same way I use Facebook, to announce my newest column and post interesting content created by others in search of new readers, perhaps to eventually promote a new Republican party. 

I have no plans to get into bloodless battles from a safe distance with my fellow birds but I invite anyone and everyone to attack me as mercilessly as they please.  

Gentlereaders are welcome to virtually kick me instead of actually kicking their pets, employees, children, themselves, "partners," etceterers. 

{I've noticed your columns don't have a comment section.}

No comment. 

As to altering the philosophy of the (allegedly) Republican party, given that both parties are chock full of careerist hacks at all levels whose primary purpose is to get and remain elected to anything that will spare them having to find employment in the real world...  

Well, my frequent use of the terms Republicrat and Depublican clearly and efficiently makes my point. A hack is a hack is a hack. 

America is, by definition, and by the design of the Founding Pasty Patriarchs (FPPs), supposed to be a republic. According to my Merriam-Webster app, a republic is a government in which supreme power resides in a body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by elected officers and representatives responsible to them and governing according to law.      

The FPPs, having been aware of the many downsides of direct democracy, created a republic that, despite its many flaws and missteps, has lasted nearly 250 years and resulted in the most prosperous nation the world has ever seen. I would remind my gentlereaders that the current border crisis is not about people trying to get out of the country.  

And (so far) 51% of the Citizens of the Republic have yet to get together and vote to behead the other 49%.

So far.  

As to the tenets of neorepublicanism, since it's my column I get to quote myself.

"I want the playground to have minimum rules and maximum fun. I want just enough rules to give everyone an equal shot at some swing time and neutralize the bullies." -me

Currently, thinkers on the right, conservatives and libertarians, are thrashing out the details of what constitutes the principles of what many refer to as the new right or some similar term with a similar meaning. Forging an updated fusion of the various factions of the right ain't gonna be easy. I'd like to suggest that the unsexy proverb, live and let live, guide the struggle. 

Personally, I'd like a (new and improved!) Republican Party to be the party of, in Roger Scruton's words, "... people who love something actual and want to retain it." 

Such as the traditional family... but, finding loving, rational solutions to support the children of illegitimate or nontraditional parents.  

Such as religious freedom, "No, you don't have to bake a cake that promotes something you think is a sin." 

Such as what I call real social security, a cradle to grave system that you, your government, and your employer contribute to wherein you make the spending decisions, not a well-meaning (or not) Swamp dwelling bureauon. The sort of system that Singapore set up roughly a half-century ago that's still going strong. 

Such as federalism, as envisioned by the FPPs. If a given state votes to legalize or outlaw something not covered by federal law or the Constitution, that's their right. For example, while I would vote for limited abortion rights, I don't think the Supremes should legislate from the bench by inventing rights. 

Follow this columnist for further details. 

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down to share this column or access previous ones. If you enjoy my work and the fact I don't run advertisements or sell merchandise, please consider buying me a coffee via PayPal or a credit/debit card.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Facebook or Twitter. I post my latest column on Saturdays and other people's work on other days.

Fake It Till You Make It

A royal proclamation from the king

Photo by Bret Kavanaugh on Unsplash

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.  

About

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"Kings are not born: they are made by artificial hallucination." 

                                                                           -George Benard Shaw

{Artificial hallucination?}

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

If one goes a googlin' and enters the aphorism fake it till you make it, a plethora of contradictory hits pop up. There are believers, nonbelievers, and a Wikipedia entry that will inform you that there's a band and a tv series named same. 

"Fake it till you make it" (or "Fake it until you make it") is an English aphorism which suggests that by imitating confidence, competence, and an optimistic mindset, a person can realize those qualities in their real life and achieve the results they seek." -Wikipedia

{What's an aphorism, a type of astigmatism?}

"An aphorism is a concise, terse, laconic, or memorable expression of a general truth or principle. ...The concept is distinct from those of an adage, brocard, chiasmus, epigram, maxim (legal or philosophical), principle, proverb, and saying; some of these concepts are types of aphorism." -Wikipedia

{There's something really, really wrong with you, you know that?}

As you know, Dana, while others ran for president last year I ran for king. Although I pledged to be a benevolent monarch who would submit himself to a He Stays or He Goes Referendum after two years in office, my campaign failed.

 

My obvious mistake was the promise of a referendum. People with actual lives who are not obsessed with politics and/or who resist the current trend to politicize everdamnthing are already tired of hearing about next year's midterm election.

{Yeah... that must be it. I'm already tired of hearing about the election of 2024. Are you sneaking up on an actual point of some sort?} 

Certainly. My point is that I've decided to start issuing royal proclamations, acting as if I'm America's monarch. I'm faking it till I make it.

By way of review, in the past, I've mentioned that if I were king: America would be closed on Sundays, I would impose federal term limits on Congress, federal elections would take place over the course of a four day weekend holiday (Saturday thru Tuesday) and that early voting is gone, absentee voting highly restricted.

Also: impose a radically simplified tax code with a sorta/kinda flat tax of two or three tiers and few if any deductions, restrict abortions to 12 weeks (possibly 15 in the unlikely event the Supremes rule that the new Mississippi law is cool), and the phrase have a nice day will officially be changed to have an OK day.   

My first official proclamation as the king who is faking it till he makes it concerns bringing back the use of stocks (but not pillories, a bridge too far). 

{What on Earth are you...}

Henceforth let it be known throughout the Republic that the king has reinstituted the use of stocks but forbids the use of the pillories. Stocks will be installed in an appropriate location. Public buildings with large, ornate lobbies are highly recommended. 

A convicted blackguard/ne'er do well/jagoff, at the discretion of a judge, may be sentenced to serve time in indoor, publicly visible stocks, but never overnight.

Stock time may be in addition to incarceration but must be served first. Stock time after serving time would be like kicking an H. sapien when he/she/they are already down. Stock time is encouraged for crimes that involve one citizen deliberately victimizing another via fraud, bullying resulting in measurable damage, physical violence, etc. 

Please note: Speech is not a form of violence.   

The use of the stocks is encouraged for minor offenses that don't merit incarceration but clearly merit attempting to get the offender's attention. The stocks are highly recommended for attempting to steer adolescents back onto the straight and narrow.   

Royal Proclamation 1a., On Hate Crimes. Henceforth, all hate crime statutes are repealed. A crime is a crime. 

H. sapiens are incapable of reading each other's thoughts. H. sapiens aren't very good at guessing each other's motivations. Actions speak louder than thoughts or words (you may have heard this). If there's a crime it's in the action, attempting to apply thoughts as aggravating factors is politically correct nonsense. 

Trying to suss out thoughts and motivations should be left to judges and juries, not virtue signaling legislators.

Speaking of virtue signaling, please note that I not only don't refer to myself as we, I deliberately don't/won't capitalize king so as to show solidarity with all the little people.       

      

Addendum: On a related note...

Until recently, my take on publicly active and taxpayer-supported royal families was that they were, at best, parasitic anachronisms. Case in point, not so bonny Prince Harry, a product of royal privilege, calling our First Amendment "bonkers."  

Proving, once again, the importance of immigration restrictions. 

However, thanks to the wit and wisdom of polymath Stephen Fry, my position has softened. We were having a drink down at the pub and he pointed out that in a constitutional monarchy the Crown serves to remind people that they share in a common tradition, and provides the pomp, circumstance, and ceremonies that many people find both uniting and enjoyable.

Rather like people standing for the National Anthem before they realized America is the work of the devil.

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down to share this column or access previous ones. If you enjoy my work and the fact I don't run adverts or sell things, please consider buying me a coffee via PayPal or plastic.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page. I post new columns there on Saturdays and interesting stuff on other days.