Amazon

                                   Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing via tablet/monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.  

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"I wonder which is more creepy: shopping at Amazon or using Facebook?"

                                                                                       -Harper Reed 

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

[Clearly, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. Our reputation is on the line.]

Oh yeah? And what has led you to that conclusion?  

[All the negative emails and comments we would be getting if we had more readers.]

I'm not sure that makes sense... Regardless, I disagree. Once, inevitably, we have so many readers that I'll need a personal assistant, it won't/wouldn't be a...

In fact, accidentally upsetting my many many readers is the sort of problem I'd like to have.

[You don't think that selling your soul to Lord Jeffrey is a big deal?]

I don't think I sold my soul. I think I'm a cagey but ethical writer and capitalist in search of a fair profit for both me and mine. Permit me to explain. 

This column, what some philistines call a blog, is written and published via some free software called Blogger that is supplied by the Goog. Who enjoys attacking the soulless bas-tarrds that run the Goog — assuming that H. sapiens and not a machine are still in charge — more than I do?

[Bas-tarrds?] 

Pronounce with a French accent, heavily accent the second syllable. Anyways, you have to appreciate the irony involved in attacking the Goog with software supplied by the Goog.

[What's that got to do with Amazon?] 

I could also run the Goog's adverts, they're just as simple to set up. Install a bit of code and the Goog (or Lord Jeffrey) does the rest. This way I get to deny the Goog and myself a bit of revenue. My cup runneth over with smug self-righteousness.

[I repeat, what's that got to do with Amazon? What's that got to do with running Amazon advertisements?]

Having firmly established my ethical bona fides, I shall continue. 

Regardless of whether or not Lord Jeffrey is a modern-day robber baron, as some people believe, not unlike my personal favorite robber baron, Andrew Carnegie, he does a lot of good for a lot of people just by being himself. 

Andrew Carnegie provided thousands of jobs to the people of my hometown, Pittsburgh (with an h), Pennsylvania. More importantly, once he had his FU money he walked away from the game and spent the rest of life giving his money away. 

I know a guy that spent a lot of his childhood reading free books borrowed from his local Carnegie Library and a good deal of his time wandering around the Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh. Unfortunately, he spent none of his time attending Carnegie Mellon University.          

[Again, what's this got to do with Amazon? Lord Jeffry hasn't retired and isn't giving (much of) his money away.]

As it happens, I know more than one person who happily works for Amazon. I don't know anyone that works for the Goog. Lord Jeffrey has generated a ton of jobs out here in Flyoverland for my fellow Deplorables. 

The Wokies, the Hilliam, the Goog and its minions, Uncle Joe, etcetero? — not so much. 

[Well yeah, but what about the working conditions? Everybody says that...]

Everybody huh? Well, most working stiffs don't enjoy working their ass off, no matter who signs the paychecks. 

However, any working stiff — with minimal skills to bring to the table — that lives in the real world and has real bills to pay and real kids to feed is grateful for steady work at a fair wage determined by the market and not some well-meaning Wokie unaware of the downsides of an economy run by central planners.

Listen, I've got a problem with Lord Jeff, and no shortage of other gazillionaires and their well-compensated minions, who don social justice cloaks while gleefully "disrupting" entire industries for fun and profit.

Is it too much to ask that they devote more of their vaunted energy and brainpower to considering what to do about all the disrupted former employees and disruption destroyed businesses? Not only by them but by the "mostly peaceful protestors" they often support, or have nothing to say about?

The Citizens of the Republic need more than giant container ships stuffed full of stuff made by Emperor Xi's subjects for all of us to survive and thrive. 

That said... 

Given that I crank out one of these at least vaguely clever and amusing little essays weekly and not only don't copyright 'em but encourage the world to pass 'em around and republish them wherever they please, I don't have a problem with pointing out to people that if they do their Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to Amazon so they don't have to feel guilty about reading my work for free and not buying me a coffee while simultaneously supporting the small American businesses that operate under the Amazon umbrella as well as the thousands of my fellow Deplorables that work for Amazon — particularly the ones I know personally, some of whom I'm related to, and one of whom resides in my fortified compound, Casa de Chaos.   

Now that's a sentence!

[Hoo-Boy...] 

THIS JUST IN! It was brought to my attention that my Amazon ads were not showing up via whatever medium a particular reader was accessing my column. Lord Jeffry assures me that his minions have made sure they are appearing on both the desktop and mobile editions. You will not see 'em if you subscribed to have them sent to you by email.  

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and/or access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.

If you do your Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to access Amazon, Lord Jeffrey will toss me a few pence if you buy anything.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.     

   

Scott Adams

      This is not Scott Adams at work. Image by Tania Van den Berghen from Pixabay 

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, and/or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing via tablet/monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination." -Scott Adams

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

The life of Scott Adams the cartoonist, the Dilbert dude, underwent a sea change in 2016 that you might not be aware of. 

Mr. Adam's, fortunately, was already comfortably seated on a relatively modest-sized pile of FU money when his cash flow river was... Well, it wasn't like one of those climate catastrophes you heard about in school wherein some river or other started flowing in the opposite direction.

However, his broad, rapidly flowing river was rapidly reduced to a humble creek when the Twitteratti and the Purple Press came after him with sharpened pitchforks and tiki torches.

In addition to his successful comic strip, Adams made/makes his dough in various ways, such as the sale of (good) books and merchandise. He was a very well-compensated corporate guest speaker. If you're familiar with his comic strip you'll appreciate the heavy-duty irony implicit in the preceding sentence.

Mr. Adams, who's undeniably smarter than the a-ver-age bear, predicted, on his blog, that the Donald would win the presidential election of 2016. That was his story and he stuck to it. Eventually, even the shell-shocked clerisy and pundocracy had to confront the fact most of 'em were wrong. 

Of course, the majority, most of whom never got over the 60s (even if they weren't actually there) immediately began doing what they do. They stepped up to selflessly do everything they could to save the Deplorables from themselves by doubling down on their commitment to turning the USA into a progressive utopia.

"Learn to code, you racist, fentanyl addled Believers and Gun Lovers. We assigned all your carbon generating jobs (and then some) to Chinese slaves. Move on, nothing to see here."

Since the last couple/three paragraphs should actually form the core of a whole other column, I better move on. Sorry, you know how I get. 

Anyways, Mr. Adams went out of his way to point out, repeatedly, that normally he doesn't even vote and that he wasn't endorsing Trump, or working to get him elected.

This didn't stop the Wokies from doing their best to burn him at the virtual stake. Heretics judged guilty by the Intersectional Inquisition must be silenced lest their sins, real or imagined, corrupt (or worse yet, trigger) the souls of the faithful  

Adams is a trained hypnotist and student of how the mind of the average H. sapien actually works as opposed to how he/she/they believe it works, and, how a person armed with this knowledge goes about persuading humans to do anything from buying a given brand of toothpaste to voting for a given politician.

He made it clear that the reason he thought the Donald would win was that he was the most highly-skilled natural-born persuader Adams had ever come across. 

[But he's such a... Well, you recently called Trump a narcissistic a-hole.]

I did indeed, Dana, and I haven't changed my mind. However, to get a handle on what Adams is talking about you need to have read his blog then, and/or watch his video blog on YouTube now, and/or read his books and/or the books of people he recommends.

The art and science of persuasion is a fascinating and complex subject but the point I wish to make with this particular column is twofold. Mr. Adams doesn't need your money and Mr. Adams is genuinely trying to help.

[You sound like a true fanboy.]

Sorta/kinda. However, for the sake of full disclosure, I have to point out that the Dilbert Dude has an exceptionally healthy ego, does tend to ramble in video blog/podcast (Coffee with Scott Adams), and is not as funny as he thinks he is. 

Also, lately, he's become obsessed with politics and his blog has become an extended group chat with his fans and enemies. He speaks, they type, he reacts, he speaks some more, they type some more, he reacts some more...

I miss his written blog wherein he made his points clearly, logically, and succinctly. Nowadays he performs for his "community." According to the experts, I should also build a community to be successful. 

Oh well, ain't gonna happen. The column stands or falls on its own. All power to the introverts! 

"Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard." -Daphne du Maurier     

 

Mr. Adams still publishes Dilbert seven days a week but nowadays also video blogs seven days a week via Periscope/YouTube. 

[As opposed to an old crank that writes a weekly column?]

Keep it up and I'll start taking my meds again. Poof! you're outta here.

I don't always agree with him. He's become an unrepentant supporter of the Donald; I had to take a shower after I recently voted for the Orange one. But he's never hesitated to criticize Trump and he relentlessly pursues the truth down whatever gopher hole it takes him. 

[Gopher hole?]  

Well, everyone's using the phrase rabbit hole nowadays so I figured that...

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and/or access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.

If you do your Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to access Amazon, Lord Jeffrey will toss me a few pence if you buy anything.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.

  

      

Wanted: Grownups

                                         Image by Sergio Pavlishko from Pixabay                                             

 

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing on a decently sized computer monitor recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.  

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings"                                                                                                        -Jay London

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

The four stages of life are kid, callowyute, grup, and sexy senior citizen. If you're interested, I define all four categories in my glossary. This week's column is about grups, more commonly called grownups. 

In my glossary, I only explore the etymology of the word grups. I don't say much about what choosing to be a grownup means. Paradoxically, being a world-class grownup includes knowing when to allow one's inner kid, even inner callowyute, to come out and play. 

This is important, but having brownies for breakfast, like much sinning, is no longer sinful, or even much fun, once it becomes normal. A grup knows that. Excessive sinning is as boring, and as potentially self-destructive, as excessive piety. 

During the course of my kid and (very early) callowyute stages, life was less complicated than nowadays. Rulebooks ruled. 

By the time I hit peak callowyutishness the social fabric was fading and fraying faster than my favorite pair of bell-bottom jeans.

However, I had a firm foundation to stand on that was built when I was a kid. Also, the people who had built that foundation were not about to go down without a fight just because a significant cohort of Boomers made tossing the tot out with the Jacuzzi water their raison d'etre.

Push back from grups keeps the playground from demonstrating what would've happened if the flies of The Lord of the Flies not only hadn't been rescued but had been joined by a swarm of shipwrecked females.  

Dumb luck, no risk of being drafted to fight in various, misguided "limited wars" since Vietnam, recreational pharmaceuticals, as well as unprecedented prosperity and technical advances enabled many Boomers to enjoy an extended adolescence (callowyutence) including me, your semi-humble correspondent.  

Many of us grew up, eventually. But many of us are still at it to one degree or another. And many of us refuse to gracefully exit the stage and give the kids a chance — the Donald and Uncle Joe (78!) come immediately to mind — while we either spend their inheritance and/or continue to run up hooge bills they will eventually have to pay. 

A quick bit of googlin' revealed that as of early 2019 The Fedrl Gummit's unfunded liabilities totaled roughly $122,000,000,000,000. State and local unfulfillable promises adds another $5,000,000,000,000.

Apropos of nothing much, I once knew a little girl named Trillion.   

Previously, callowyutence normally ended relatively early for most due to the manifestation of random negative life events like recessions, depressions, and wars. 

Also — as a result of thousands of years of trial and error — there were all sorts of H. sapiens that thought that getting a job and then getting married and then reproducing and then trying to stay married sounded like the way to go.

BIG BUT, In 1965 the callowyutes began pushing back against the grups and started cultivating callowyutence as a lifestyle choice.

We meant well, we really did.  

In our defense, all sorts of things did need to change. Female H. sapiens needed to be liberated to choose what sort of grup they wish to be. Wife and mother, Supreme Court Justice, both, or something else.

Blacks were long overdue for the Civil Rights Act of '64 and the Voting Rights Act of '65... but that was primarily a pre-Boomer accomplishment. However, Boomers did do a lot of marching, protesting, and singing in support of various minority groups and causes. 

When our gay friends started opening closet doors from the inside most of us didn't freak out. It's slowly dawning on society that it's likely that some people, including the Ls, the Bs, the Ts, and the plusses may just be born that way, not manufactured.  

Now, given the limited impact of the Great Recession of 2008 on the Boomers, its outsized impact on the three succeeding generations, and the plague we're currently battling, one would hope common sense and compromise would make a comeback in the Republic.  

However...

The alleged death of God, however conceived; the rise in popularity of us v. them identity politics; the seemingly indefatigable toxic Wokies; the notion that there's no such thing as truth or human nature, just convenient constructs built on the fly and mandated by the Pasty Patriarchs; the...

[Ahem.]

Thanks, Dana. Fellow grups and sexy senior citizens (you know who you are) please feel free to add to my list or make one of your own. The widely forecast blue wave didn't happen and it would appear that no one needs to fear being dragged in front of a Truth and Reconciliation Tribunal.

[What's that got to do with...]

Choosing to be the grup in the room? While I'm not advocating a return to 1950s America I am advocating a personal search for truth and reconciliation. The playground's no fun when it's run like the Island of Lost Boys.

[Another Island? A psychologist might say...] 

All I'm saying is that a philosophy of life built around If It Feels Good Do It and May the Biggest Victim Win won't work/isn't working and ain't going to end well. 

Any grownup knows that. 

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.

If you do your Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to access Amazon, Lord Bezos will toss me a few pence if you buy anything.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.