Grandpa, Tell Me 'Bout The Good Old Days

A clickbaity title, a question, and an answer.

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.   

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating meltdown.  

About

Glossary 

Featuring Dana: Hallucination, guest star, and charming literary device 

"Letters are among the most significant memorial a person can leave behind them." -Goethe

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

A question from a gentlereader: What do you mean when you say you're writing these letters to your grandkid's eventual selves? 

I'm just a grandpa, talkin' 'bout the good ol' da...

{Please, just stop.} 

Answer: While I'm delighted to report that the current crop continues to exceed my expectations, it's still relatively early and won't be fully ripened for a while yet. It's a rare H. sapien that's fully ripened before the age of 25 and it's not unusual for the process to last till the age of 30 or so, as it did in my case. 

They're free to read them now of course, and make of them what they will or won't, but it's not just a matter of them being mature enough to appreciate the wit and wisdom of their beloved grandfather. 

These letters are a sort of oral history that's being written in real-time. Instead of some present or future version of me being interviewed and recorded by someone else, I'm both interviewer and interviewee and I serve multiple constituencies.

{Interviewee?}  

What? That's a real word. I'm writing to the Stickies, their future selves, Stickies who haven't arrived yet, my current self ("Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers." -Isaac Asimov), my future self, and of course, my gentlereaders.   

I'm a Boomer born in the middle of my best century so far, baby...

{You can't help yourself, can you?}  

And I'm the fortunate/accidental beneficiary of a bunch of blessings.

My grandparents, on my father's side, were both immigrants from the now-defunct Austro-Hungarian Empire. He was a mechanic and she was a housewife. Mum's mom was a farm girl and her dad was a coal miner. 

I have/had no shortage of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and nieces and nephews. I came up in both gritty, inner-city Pittsburgh neighborhoods and a couple of green suburbs — both bulging with fellow Boomers and Boomerettes.  

My father was a painter (of walls and trim, not canvasses) and Mum was a stay-at-home mom, which at the time was the rule, not the exception. They had seven kids and when their luck held, just enough money to go around. Cash flow problems were a constant problem but we never went hungry and were never the poorest family in the neighborhood. 

I was lucky enough to be the product of a working-class family, not to be unusually attractive, and to not have achieved fame and/or fortune at a young age. 

{Lucky?} 

Lucky.

Pretty people, blessed/cursed by being born into a financially secure situation and/or stumbling into one as if on cue, often are not conscious of their dumb luck until misfortune inevitably bites them on the bum at some point. They may not appreciate what they have, or worse, take it for granted. They often are possessed by ideologies untempered by reality.  

Many, even if they paid attention in history class, are oblivious to the fact that until relatively recently most H. sapiens were somewhat preoccupied with where their next meal was coming from if they had managed to survive their childhood.  

I, having sometimes paid attention in history class, having roots/a perspective that stretches back to the late 18th century, having parents that lived through the Great Depression and WW2, having a life that stretches from the introduction of a vaccine for polio to men persons landing on the moon to supercomputers in everyone's pocket (and, God help us, social media mobs), to constant digital disruption and disintermediation to...

{What's polio?} 

And having experienced the traditional morality and lifestyles of the 1950s, participated in tossing the tot out with the Jacuzzi water in the late 1960s and 70s, and currently experiencing the revival of Marxism (Wokieness) in spite of 100,000,000+ H. sapiens murdered in the pursuit of a socialist utopia so far...

{Well, communism's never really been tried or properly implemented you know.}

I, eventually, came to understand the importance and utility of at least trying to keep an eye on the big picture, and maintaining an attitude of gratitude 24x7x365.  

Therefore, I write letters to the Stickie's eventual selves to hopefully spare them from learning at least some things the hard way while compiling an oral history as I go, before I go. 

{Um... Why don't you just talk to them while you await deletion?}  

I do, and I even attempt to wrap up my mini-sermons before their eyes start to glaze over, and keep in mind that the sermons you live tend to be much more effective than the ones you preach. 

But I don't see the harm in leaving behind a textbook of sorts while striving to provide a bit of enlightened infotainment for my gentlereaders. 

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

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It Is What It Is

This looks like a job for Grandfather Man!

Image by Nina Garman from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.   

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional meltdown. 

About

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"Always remember the last words of my grandfather who said: 'A truck!'"

                                                                                   -Emo Philips

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

A given it is what it is, is as obvious as, the fact that life is one thing after another...

{And you sir, have a keen eye for the obvious. Wouldn't this be a good place to insert that Edna St. Vincent Millay quote? "It's not true that life is one damn thing after another — it's one damn thing over and over — there's the rub — first you get sick — then you get sicker...}

No, too depressing.

Anyways, what I find interesting is that although both phrases are literally true — for example, life is one thing after another for creatures that experience life linearly — both can simultaneously be literally and poetically true.   

For example, according to dictionary.com (and The New York Times) the phrase it is what it is can be traced back to an article by J.E. Lawrence published in the Nebraska State Journal in 1949, and was deployed thusly. 

“New land is harsh, and vigorous, and sturdy. It scorns evidence of weakness. There is nothing of sham or hypocrisy in it. It is what it is, without apology.”

{Huh. Fascinating stuff there Cranky.}

A sturdy column, not unlike a sturdy house, must be "founded upon a rock" and not "upon the sand" lest the rains descend, the floods come, and the winds blow.

{Or somebody huffs, and puffs, and blows your column down?}

Begone, infidel, I'm teaching life lessons here!

Recently, one of the Stickies witnessed someone nearly dying from an opioid overdose as he/she/they (far be it from me to assign a pronoun) was about to tuck into a stack of pancakes at a Denny's restaurant. 

Short story short, his head suddenly slumped forward, 911 was dialed, NARCAN® was administered, our protagonist was carted out. 

{When his head slumped forward did it land...}

No, Dana, it didn't land in his/her/their pancakes... stop laughing! 

Now, one of my bright, comely, and empathetic young grandpersons was the Sticky that witnessed this drama and she (her pronoun choice) was understandably horrified/mildly traumatized. 

When she recounted this misadventure to me, unable to help myself, I dashed into the nearest phone booth and emerged — hands-on-hips, a large G on my chest, my cape gently swaying in the non-existent breeze — as Grandfather Man!

[Insert brief, heroic fanfare]

"Did he/she/they survive as far as you know?" I asked. 

"Yes," she replied. 

Seeking to comfort her, I immediately invoked three of my superpowers. 

My Mr. Spock-like tendency to revert to logic/reason (or at least try to) in the face of crisis. My Groucho Marx-like tendency (or at least try to) to look for the smile in the face of same. And, of course, my keen eye for the obvious.

I pointed out that while the situation certainly sucked sweaty socks, at least he/she/they left the restaurant alive. 

I pointed out that it's not what happens to you in life, it's how you react to it (once you catch your breath), what you do about it, and deciding if there is anything you can do about it. 

(I refrained from pointing out this is Stoicism 101, hoping she'd think I'm smarter than I look.) 

I pointed out that if he/she/they had died the last thought thought/emotion experienced would have been something like, "Ooooh, pancakes!" 

{Thought thought?}

Thought thunk?    

I pointed out that the obvious lesson to be learned was that although I was worldly-wise enough to understand that she might consider experimenting with alcohol and weed when she reached her mid-twenties (although 30 would be better), that all other recreational pharmaceuticals should always and forever be avoided. 

{Well, at least you have a realistic perspective.}   

She then threw her arms around me, kissed me gently on the cheek, and said, "I love you, Poppa, I hope that I can be there for you when you're in your dotage so that I can care for you and repay you for all that you have done for me!"

{Not even close, Sparky, I think you're already sliding into dotafication.}

Well, I'm certain that she thought about it. But being a gentle, shy, naturally modest and reserved gentleperson by nature, she successfully resisted her immediate impulse.

{I'm impressed. How ever did you manage to deduce that from the dubious expression on her face?}  

It was obvious.   

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down to share this column/access oldies. If you enjoy my work, and no advertising, please consider buying me a coffee via PayPal/credit-debit card.    

Feel free to comment and set me straight via Cranky's Facebook page. I post my latest columns on Saturdays, other things other days. Cranky don't tweet.