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Letters of eclectic commentary featuring the wit and wisdom of a garrulous geezer and {Dana}, a persistent hallucination and charming literary device.
"True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." -Winston Churchill
Dear Gentlereaders,
Did you know that there's a "simple English" version of Wikipedia for "...people with different needs, such as students, children, adults with learning difficulties, and people who are trying to learn English."
I use it all the time because...
{You're a stupid simpleton?}
Depends on who you ask, I suppose. Being a natural-born overthinker and current events enthusiast (junkie), I employ various and sundry strategeries to keep from drowning in the Information Ocean.
I use it all the time because often a simple, brief answer to a given question is all that I need. Standard Wikipedia articles can be lengthy and highly detailed. And yes, Dana, I'm aware, like most of my millions of gentlereaders no doubt, that Wikipedia entries often contain inaccuracies.
However, I find that the very idea of an encyclopedia that anyone can contribute to, but who are restrained by the fact that anyone else can call them out, and that's maintained primarily by volunteers, to be an interesting endeavor.
Also, there's the fact that you can find articles about stuff unlikely to be in a mainstream encyclopedia like the Encyclopedia Britannica, which still exists (online only), by the way. For example, Wikipedia has an entry about one of my favorite almost-famous, sorta/kinda rock stars, James Dewar.
{Who? What's so special about him?}
Depends on who you ask, I suppose. But you just gave me an excuse to post the following:
I'm certain that hard-copy encyclopedias (yes, Virginia, they still exist), as well as the thousands of outdated volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica that are still out there — which was considered the Encyclopedia when I was a kid — also contain errors.
I'm a fan of the simple English version because I believe that whenever possible, you should keep it simple, stupid (KISS). Originally a design principle that dates to 1960, it's a notion that easily scales. An input addict's gotta do what an input addict's gotta do while treading water in the Information Ocean.
Say, I wonder if simpleton is politically incorrect? And what about stupid, for that matter? Gimme a sec, I'll be right back.
[INSERT PAUSE HERE]
As Mr. Spock would say, fascinating. I find that occasionally adopting the viewpoint of a logic-loving alien from another planet can be a helpful navigation aid when sailing the Information Ocean.
{You do realize that...}
Don't start, Dana. I know Mr. Spock is a fictional character.
Simple English Wikipedia, which henceforth I'll be calling Wikipedia Jr., provides no specific information about simpletons. Stupid is not specifically discussed either, but there are links to multiple entries about this, that, or some other stupid thing; literally. Check it out if you don't believe me.
Standard Wikipedia has a brief entry titled Simpleton about the history of the word, but nothing about political correctness. In fact, it includes jokes about simpletons! Standard Wikipedia has a detailed entry for stupidity that mentions nothing about political correctness either.
Undeterred, the times being what they are, I turned to the Goog's version of artificial intelligence, Gemini, which now lives in my Chromebox. It moved in and made itself at home in the course of an update. Just follow the link if you don't know what a Chromebox is, if you're interested.
According to Gemini, the word simpleton is definitely not considered to be politically correct. "It is an outdated, insulting term for a foolish or unintelligent person that is often associated with ableism."
{Abelism?}
According to Wikipedia Jr., "Ableism refers to the bias, prejudice or discrimination against disabled people." Wikipedia Sr. offers a similar definition, followed by a lengthy and highly detailed article. Ableism, it seems, is...
{Calling standard Wikipedia Wikipedia Sr. sounds sexist to me.}
Ableism, it seems, is common all over the planet Earth.
{Why don't you ask Mr. Spock?}
In fact, you can now get a degree in Disability Studies at various and sundry colleges and universities. On a related note, you can also minor in Sanism, which is discrimination on the basis of mental disorders or cognitive impairments.
Which brings us back to simpleton and stupid. As a public service, here's a link to a Harvard Business Review article by Rakshitha Arni Ravishankar titled Why You Need to Stop Using These Words and Phrases, which decries using the word stupid early on.
What about simpleton?
I didn't get that far into the article.
Yet another public service! I feel compelled to ensure that my millions of gentlereaders, or any innocent H. sapiens who have stumbled across this column, are aware of the latest news about hemorrhoids and smartphones.
A study conducted at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, the results of which are published in PLOS One — which, according to Wikipedia, "...is a peer-reviewed open access mega journal published by the Public Library of Science (PLOS)..." — determined that smartphone users who use their phone while sitting on their porcelian thrones have a 46% better chance of developing hemorrhoids than those who don't.
{Did they title the study Plop One by any chance? I think that...}
Given the replication crisis, which according to Wikipedia Sr., is "...the growing number of published scientific results that other researchers have been unable to reproduce." I should probably check to see if other studies have determined this is true.
[INSERT PAUSE HERE]
Wikipedia Jr. has nothing to say about this subject. Wikipedia Sr., on the other hand, has an article titled Bathroom Reading that begins with the following, um, interesting sentence. "Bathroom reading is the act of reading text while in a bathroom, usually while sitting on the toilet and defecating."
The article mentions all sorts of fun facts like "The psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel believed bathroom reading was an indication of early childhood trauma. He wrote that the activity is 'an attempt to preserve the equilibrium of the ego; part of one's bodily substance is being lost and so fresh matter must be absorbed through the eyes.'"
{That's a goof, you made that up!}
Nuh-uh! Follow the link.
{Did you find any corroborating studies?}
Despite at least five minutes of intensive research, I found no specific corroborating studies, but interestingly, the World Wide Web (of contradictory knowledge) provides no shortage of links to all sorts of articles about reading while resting.
The closest I came was an old The Guardian article with the wonderful title, Is reading on the loo bad for you? about a "study" that actually wasn't.
{Reading while resting?}
Where do you think the term restroom comes from?
I've decided to let Gemini have the last word:
"Reading on the toilet is a widespread, often harmless habit that can offer a quiet break and an opportunity to catch up on reading, although it may increase the risk of hemorrhoids if done for too long due to the posture. While there is a slight risk of germ transmission, it is generally minimal with good hygiene practices. You can find a variety of reading materials to suit your preference, and it's a common way to pass the time in the "smallest room".
{Hold up there, Sparky. You have nothing to say about the Wikipedia scandal that everyone's talking about? Wikipedia's been accused of having been captured by the Wokies.}
They have? Heavy sigh, hang on a sec.
[INSERT PAUSE HERE]
I consulted Gemini again since I did promise, um, it — "I don't have pronouns. I am an AI and don't have a gender" — the last word.
Yada, yada, yada... Yada, yada, yada... "While critics point to evidence of left-leaning bias in political articles and recent content moderation decisions, supporters emphasize Wikipedia's robust policies and processes for addressing and mitigating bias."
Ain't it good to know we can count on AI and the internet when we're looking for definitive answers?
Have an OK day,
Colonel Cranky
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