Social Media

                                         Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.  

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"The thought that so many people get their news from social media really is scary." - Rush Limbaugh

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

If Mark, Sundar, Jack, Jeff, et al. actually wanted to make social media and the world a better place, a much better place, they could do so simply by verifying who's actually posting a given post. 

When I was a kid I wrote a letter to the editor of the now-defunct Pittsburgh Press stating that the paper should expand its op/ed pages to include more op/eds, particularly the work of columnists.

[You were a, um... unusual little dude weren't you?]

So I've been told.

I don't remember anything about how they went about verifying I was me but I do remember the paper's policy was that any given letter to the editor, if the author wished it to be published, required such a verification. Each published letter included the writer's name and what neighborhood or suburb they were from. 

Imagine what Twitter, or Facebook's comment section, for example, would be like if participating H. sapiens had to signup, and be verified, before tweeting or commenting?

Before proceeding, I must acknowledge that I came across this idea, one of those why didn't I think of that it's such an obvious solution sort of ideas, in one of Andy Kessler's weekly Inside View columns in the Wall Street Journal.

[Before proceeding, I must point out that since you're slightly obsessed with your personal privacy, and that Marcus Mehlmar isn't even your real name, you're not making much sense.] 

For the record, Dana, the name on my birth certificate is Mark Mehlmauer. I'm not hiding, My nom de plume aesthetically pleases me. 

[I'll bet you drink your tea with an extended pinky.]

I consume my go-to beverage — decaffeinated, sugar-free, ginseng added, iced green tea — in a heavy, toxically masculine mug, pinky retracted, thank you very much.

Mr. Kessler pointed out that if one had to admit to who (whom? I can never... nevermind) one was, the average H. Sapien might be a bit more circumspect when posting one's thoughts for the whole world to see.

The primary benefit, in my semi-humble estimation, is that Mark, Sundar, Jack, Jeff, et al. would hate it.  The inventory of one of the Billionaire Boys Clubs' most lucrative products (surreptitiously harvested consumer data) would be greatly reduced.

But far less content moderation would be needed and it would be harder for cellar-dwellers — and the minions of China's Emperor Xi, the warped fat-ass that runs North Korea, and the Pooteen — to manipulate useful idiots all over the globe. 

[I don't think you're allowed to say fat-ass, isn't that a thought crime? It's certainly not very gentlepersonly.]

I agree that it's not a phrase a gentleperson should deploy carelessly, however, there's a fat-ass dick-tater that presides over a starving citizenry exception. Also, Wokie dogma permits members of a given victim group to refer to others in the same victim group by commonly used epithets.

For example, since I'm a fat-ass and a geezer, I'm entitled to use both of those words.  

   

Mr. Kessler points out that businesses that advertise on the internet would love carefully registered users. They would know who they were actually trying to appeal to.

While we're at it... If I were king, or even just an executive order happy president, I'd order that people could easily opt-out of being tracked and having their data sold to whoever is willing to pay the price. 

By easily I mean not having to deal with buckets of... bafflegab composed by legions of lawyers. I'd also order that updates to site policies would be written in everyday language and that users would have to sign off on them.

[This is madness! If this sort of thing was implemented...]   

Big Tech, saturated with alleged Wokies, would be forced to stop claiming they're a force for social justice while simultaneously picking the publics' pockets. 

[What about free speech?] 

What about the fact the social media sites claim they can censor as they please since they're businesses, not The Fedrl Gummit? What about the fact certain ginormous, globe-straddling corporations have the power to shape global public opinion in ways the fat-ass from North Korea can only dream of?

What about the fact the social media giants could offer both a version of their sites for civilized gentlepersons not afraid to admit who they are and the version they offer now? 

And/or, 

A (mostly) uncensored third version (nothing currently illegal and no doxing) wherein all the whack jobs and would-be revolutionaries can wage virtual war, gleefully oblivious to normal, well-adjusted gentlepersons — who could follow them for the entertainment value. 

Speaking of dick-taters... 

                           Source unknown - meme banned by the Emperor 

While the Wokies were busy exposing Dr. Seuss for the depraved monster he actually was and the exiled Harrymeghan was scraping by in California... 

"Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, checked into the Imaginarium, along with their TV interview host and fellow Montecito mansion-dweller Oprah Winfrey.     

The royal couple’s new $15 million home is not far from Oprah’s $90 million estate. Recently in an interview, the two detailed all the racial slights they suffered from the apparently inveterate racist British royal family."

Emperor Xi's National Peoples Congress voted, 2,895 to 0, that going forward, only Chinese "patriots" (people of proven loyalty to both China and the Chinese Communist Party) can run for office in Hong Kong.

No comments so far from either the NBA or LeBron James.

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and/or access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.    

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Cranky don't tweet.  

  

Show Me the (Covid Relief) Money!

 With apologies to my progeny

                                            Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay 

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.  

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances." -Gracie Allen

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

I'm fiscally conservative. It's a tenet of my neo-neoconservatism. However, being a gentlemanperson of leisure...

[A retired dude.]

Whose raison d֓etre is my art, that is to say, this weekly column, I still must do what is necessary to keep the wolf from the door if I'm to have the time, energy, and motivation to do my work.

[Art huh?]

Mine is a modest, fixed income... 

[Some would say pathetic.]

And if not for the fact that the costs of maintaining Casa de Chaos are nowadays primarily borne by my dutiful, beautiful daughter and saintly son-in-law...

[Are they talking about abandoning you in the deep woods again?]

I might be living in some high-rise storage facility for senior citizens.

[The game ain't over yet, Sparky.]

I will happily accept my $1,400 tranche of Covid Relief semi-funny money despite the fact it's being charged to the national no-limit credit card that my progeny will be paying off in perpetuity... assuming the economy doesn't collapse and we become America the Bankrupt. 

(Does the global economy include provisions for bankruptcy by the nation that's been carrying so many others on its back for so long?)

If and when the money arrives — never count your stimulus money till your bank sends ya an email  — I'm planning on funding a banquet for my freakishly large household consisting of McDonald's Dinner Boxes and Kool-Aid to take the edge off of my guilt.

[Your generosity is breathtaking.]

Fine then, Dana. I'll make it Hawaiian Punch. I may even go pick up the feast myself to lessen the chance the Frankin-fries cool off to the point wherein they revert to plastic. 

 

Speaking of McDonald's, I highly recommend a movie called The Founder. It's about Ray Kroc, the slightly less than gentleperson that ripped off the McDonald brothers and became the "founder" of Mickey Ds. 

In one scene in the movie, Mr. Kroc is arguing with the brothers because he wants to replace real milkshakes with milkshakes made from powder. One of them asks what's next, Ray, frozen french fries?

Meanwhile, back in the swamp...

The Depublicans are assembling a fresh care package to mitigate the effects of locking down the economy but the Republicrats have been locked out of this particular pork party. It's going to be delivered via a parliamentary maneuver called budget reconciliation. 

[Budget what?]

Well... all you really need to know is that Congress can get away with financial and procedural shenanigans that would get you and your accountant arrested,

And, 

The stimulus bill consists of roughly 628 pages of bafflegab that most of the people's representatives won't bother to read. 

   

I had hoped that the proposed amendment to the bill by Depublicrat Representative Paul Gosar of Arizona — given all the coverage it received by our free and impartial press — might result in enough stimulus money to literally change the lives of many of me and many of my fellow Deporables and Bitter Clingers for the better. 

[Huh?]  

I can't believe you haven't heard about this, Dana. There was an interesting article about it in the English language version of Diario AS, a Spanish daily sports newspaper based in Madrid. 

Mr. Gosar's proposed amendment increased stimulus checks for the little people to $10,000 and would keep the cost of the bill (just a tad under $2,000,000,000,000) the same by cutting out... Well, here's a quote from the article. 

"Gosar’s amendment called for the removal of 10 agenda items out of the American Rescue Plan’s more than 200 sections, including funding for the arts, federal and corporate transit projects, 'vaccine confidence activities' and foreign aid."

[Wait a sec,' Paul Gosar... Isn't he the whack job whose siblings said he should be expelled from Congress?]  

Only three of them... One man'sperson's whack job is another man'sperson's colorful character, PO-tay-toe/PO-tah-toe. I still think it's a great idea. Surprisingly, the bill wasn't amended.

If all of the currently stimulus-qualified members of Casa de Chaos were to receive $10k each we could pay cash for that corner property for sale down the street and still have enough money left over to replace the roof and get some new furniture. 

I wonder if I can get paid to promote "vaccine confidence" to my fellow geezers/geezerettes/geezem out here in Flyoverland?        

This just in...

Last week's column was about Amazon quietly canceling a book it had been selling for three years without notification or explanation. Lord Jeffrey's minions have struck again. 

To celebrate Black History Month Amazon disappeared a documentary last month called Created Equal: Clarence Thomas In His Own Words that was a distillation of 30 hours of interviews with Justice Thomas. 

The documentary explores his journey from an impoverished descendant of slaves who first enjoyed the luxury of indoor plumbing at age seven, to a justice of the Supreme Court. 

It was Amazon's number one best-selling documentary for a minute or two before leveling off at around number 25. And then, at the beginning of February, it vanished. And just like the popular book that was the subject of last week's column it was disappeared, and Amazon won't say why. 

If the wacky Wokies keep this up... Well, the next thing you know they'll be canceling Dr. Seuss and banning his books in grade schools.

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and/or access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.    

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Cranky don't tweet.

      

  

    

    

    

Amazon

                                                        Image by xxolaxx from Pixabay

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.  

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"I believe in censorship, I made a fortune out of it." -Mae West

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Unless you've signed up to receive my column via email, you will notice my Amazon adverts have disappeared. After much wailing and teeth-gnashing, I tried, for the second time, to generate a tiny bit of revenue for my efforts by running said ads.

(FYI, I don't sell the addresses of my email subscribers nor do I send 'em anything other than my column. In fact, I subscribe to a service that mails my columns out for me and I don't bother looking to see who has signed up.) 

I can't even remember what evil deed Lord Jeffrey did the first time he peed me off and I bailed on him. The trickle of revenue I gave up was hardly a heroic gesture on my part but it made me feel virtuous as hell for a minute or two. 

[Virtuous as hell doesn't make any sense, you know that right? Hell, by definition, is not a virtuous place.]   

Obviously, Dana. It makes no more sense than happy as hell.  On the other hand, one could make a case for happy as fu... 

Nevermind, neo-neoconservatives reserve that word for private conversations with other neo-neoconservatives and/or certain friends and family members who aren't offended by its use, and then only selectively, to preserve its power. Certainly not in a missive published on the World Wide Web.  

[That reminds me, you've yet to spell out the tenets of neo-neoconservatism.] 

Stay tuned. Now, where was I ...?

Recklessly risking the wrath of Lord Jeffrey and his minions.

Nah...

Getting old, being a virtual rounding error in the cultural commentariat, and suffering from a chronic case of Nodough renders me relatively safe from being rounded up by a posse of Wokies and being prosecuted/persecuted by the Intersectional Inquisition.

I decided to try again, despite misgivings. After all, I have both friends and family members that work/worked for His Lordship both directly and indirectly. 

But then he did it again. 

Lord Jeffrey, Tim Cook (Apple), Sundar Pichai (the Goog), Jack Dorsey (Twitter), and Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook) were getting loaded at their favorite bar, the Collusion Lounge, to celebrate the Depublican gangs recent recapturing of their favorite turf, the Swamp. 

"Hey, any of you guys ever heard of a flyspeck of a company called Parler that's a combination of Twitter and Facebook for Deplorables?" asked Jack?"

"Of course, Jack, we all have, our armies of Algorithmites all carefully monitor the Data Mountains, just like yours," replied Mark, "So what? As you say, a flyspeck."

"Yeah, but a bunch of Deplorables have signed up since we've become more open about censoring anti-Wokies."      

"Tell ya what," said Lord Jeffrey, I'll turn off their servers if you guys attack 'em from the software side, deal?"

"Deal," they replied one by one, and then they (carefully) clinked their custom-made Waterford crystal mugs of craft beer together.

"Hey, anybody wanna do a line?" asked CENSORED. 

My first impulse was to immediately pull the ads but since I'm now officially a  conservative...

   

[A neo-neoconservative, whatever that is...]

I decided to defer to reasoned caution and control my emotions till some time had passed and I had accumulated more data. 

But then he did it again. 

Recently, I came across an article written by Elena Debre in Slate titled Amazon Will Pay $61.7 Million for Stealing Flex Drivers’ Tips. 

Me very own darlin' dawder (reread with an Irish accent) was, until recently, a Flex driver so of course, this got my attention. Fortunately, Amazon got caught prior to her tenure and had stopped stealing from the help, excuse me, independent contractors, before she came along. 

Long story short, Amazon's Flex pays people to deliver packages and food in their own vehicles (which makes them independent contractors) and they pay said contractors fairly for the work in question. 

BIG BUT. 

Customer tips were supposed to be income over and above what Amazon paid the drivers but they got caught with their hand in the tip jar and recently agreed to a settlement with the Federal Trade Commission for almost $62 million bucks. 

The FTC will divvy up the money among the drivers that got ripped off because Amazon, as part of the settlement, has admitted to nothing or reimbursed the drivers. 

[C'mon man! That wasn't Lord Jeffry, that was likely a corporate weenie (or three) on the make. He probably didn't even know about it till...]    

And yet, I can find no mention of the sort of abject apology demanded by the Wokies when they come across (or dredge up from the past) a secular sin, real or imagined.   

Still, I hesitated. Now that the cat has clawed its way out of the sack maybe an apology/acknowledgment was pending.

Nope.  

And then, last Tuesday morning, the first day of a glorious and much-needed thaw here in the Ohio Mountains, I found this.  

According to an article on Newsweek's website, Amazon has banned a book it's been selling for three years, When Harry Became Sally, by conservative scholar Ryan Anderson, a book that was an Amazon bestseller before it was released. 

Mr. Anderson didn't know this until a would-be reader contacted him to tell him that Amazon stopped selling the book — without bothering to mention this to him and last I heard still won't say why. The Newsweek article, by Katherine Fung, includes the following incendiary quote from the book. 

"We need to respect the dignity of people who identify as transgender but without encouraging children to undergo experimental transition treatments, and without trampling on the needs and interests of others." My emphisi.

I hope this column doesn't crater Amazon's stock price but a columnist's gotta do what a columnist's gotta do. 

Dana, why are you laughing?

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and/or access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.

If you do your Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to access Amazon, Lord Jeffrey will toss me a few pence if you buy anything.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.

 

Black Lives (obviously) Matter

A week of, action?

                                                     Image by ludi from Pixabay

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.  

About 

Glossary

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"When school children start paying union dues, that's when I'll start representing the interests of school children." -Albert Shanker

 

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

It's Black History Month and Black Lives Matter is back in the news, sort of. Although the first week of February was A WEEK OF ACTION neither the websites of MSNBC or CNN covered it as best I can tell.

There's even a website, Black Lives Matter At School, that called for, as mentioned above, a week of action (Feb 1 - 5, 2021) — as well as a year of purpose and a lifetime of practice. 

The reason that I'm aware that the week of action came and went with little fanfare is that I compare and contrast the websites of FOX News and CNN at least once a  day, every day, seven days a week so that you don't have to. 

FOX posted a few stories about an educational curriculum (CNN mentioned nothing) developed by Black Lives Matter or I would've been completely unaware that it was a week of action. I thought surely MSNBC would be all over it, a site I normally don't peruse being a neo-neoconservative, but nope.

They made me turn off my ad-blocker after a few viewings if I wanted to keep accessing the site. You'd think either Microsoft or NBC news (same policy) wouldn't be short of money but...

[Hold up there, Sparky. Comcast, the owner of both NBC and MSNBC, bought out Microsoft a while back and...]  

Comcast? Are you sure, Dana? Comcast, a ginormous, profit-hungry corporation owns MSNBC? MSNBC is to progressives as FOX is to conservatives...    

Did you know that one of the reasons TV news happened, even though daily newspapers (and radio) still supplied most people's news when TV first started, was because the FCC required that stations provide an element of "public service" programming along with entertainment for the masses, since the public, at least in theory, owns the airwaves?

When the sale of television sets took off NBC was the first to offer news broadcasts seven days a week — sponsored by R.J. Reynolds/Camel cigarettes. Did I ever tell you that my dad, who died from a heart attack at the age of 58 smoked Camels for decades, and died when he was nine years younger than I am now? 

Also...    

[Man, you are old, aren't you? And this particular column has gone off the rails.]

Heavy sigh... When you're right, you're right, Dana. I wonder if Bill Gates... well, nevermind, where was I? Oh, yeah, BLM and the underreported week of action.

Okay, so FOX, as you might imagine, was less than impressed with the whole week of action thing, particularly the suggested school curriculum developed by BLM.  

My favorite story was a story about a FOX News (cable version) story featured on The Ingraham Angle.

[A story about a story?]

Yeah, CNN does it all the time as well. Anyway, it mentions the fact that at the bottom of the first page of the Black Lives Matter At School site, there's a quote from one Assata Shakur who currently is on the lam resides in Cuba. 

"It is our duty to fight for our freedom. It is our duty to win. We must love eachother and support eachother. We have nothing to lose but our chains." (Not my creative spelling by the way.)

Ms. Shakur, a convicted cop-killer (among other things) is the first woman to be placed on the FBI's Most Wanted Terrorist List and has a $2,000,000 bounty on her head if any of you Junior G-menpersons out there are looking for a potentially profitable adventure.

Now, while I was delighted to note that BLM is apparently spending some of its massive and still mostly unaccounted for donations on something more or less real, I wish to make a new suggestion and reiterate a suggestion I've made before.

The new suggestion is to consider hiring a public relations professional.

The old suggestion is to consider opening a charter school in the same neighborhood as one of the many failed and failing public schools in black neighborhoods all over America. 

Considering that teacher's unions are resisting going back into the classrooms in spite of the science, guidance from the CDC, Uncle Joe's request, and the fact many private and charter schools have done so safely, the unions would seem to be guilty of practicing systemic racism.     

  

Here's a chance to battle systemic racism, demonstrate the efficacy of BLMs curriculum, and change the world for a lot of African-American kids. 

Win/win and win. 

Apropos of nothing above...

But since I'm somewhat obsessed with the dismaying fact that Uncle Joe felt free to render 11,000 well paid (and many unionized) workers unemployed with the stroke of a pen and the tepid response from the press and organized labor — the teacher's unions for example — here's a quote from our new Climate Czar.

(The rich dude that flys around in a huge private jet saving us from ourselves.) 

"Paris alone is not enough. Not when almost 90% of all of the planet's emissions, global emissions, come from outside of U.S. borders. We could go to zero [carbon emissions] tomorrow and the problem isn't solved," -John Kerry-Heinz

 

Ruh-roh Raggy, who's next?

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and/or access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.

If you do your Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to access Amazon, Lord Jeffrey will toss me a few pence if you buy anything.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.

The Male Gaze

                                            Image by Michael Bußmann from Pixabay

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.  

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money." -Albert Brooks 

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

I have a male gaze. I can't seem to help myself. Please accept my insincere apologies. 

Hi, I'm Marcus and I'm a scopoholic. 

Hi, Marcus.

[Wait-wait-wait. There's no such word as scopoholic.]

Well, not yet, but stay tuned. There is such a word as scopophilia, I discovered it when I went a-googlin' to investigate what this male gaze thing is all about as I keep running into it. I refer to the phrase, not the gaze.  

[I'll bite, what's scopophilia?]

When I consulted my go-to online dictionary app, Merriam-Webster (M-W) I found "Medical Definition of scopophilia: a desire to look at sexually stimulating scenes especially as a substitute for actual sexual participation." 

[Hah! You're a porn addict!]

Nah, Dana, definitely not. But being a self-acknowledged testosterone poisoned, cisgender, heterosexual Pasty Patriarch constantly struggling to control my toxic masculinity I must confess I enjoy gazing at women and have for as long as I can remember. 

However, being a gentleperson, I strive to be as discrete as possible. Also, I find "sexually stimulating scenes" a poor and unsatisfying "substitute for actual sexual participation." I'm with the late, great Marvin Gaye, ain't nothin' like the real thing.  

But me being me (I'm also a self-acknowledged word lover) I wanted to know more about this word as I had never heard of it. When I googled it the very first hit consisted entirely of the following paragraph.

"Scopophilia: Literally, the love of looking. The term refers to the predominantly male gaze of Holloywood cinema, which enjoys objectfying women into mere objects to be looked at (rather than subjects with their own voice and subjectivity). The term, as used in feminist film criticism, is heavily influenced by Freudian and Lacanian psychoanalysis."

[Holloyood? Object-fying?]     

Yep. It's from a webpage that links to another webpage that's "Written and Designed by Dino Franko Felluga," a professor at Purdue University about a textbook he wrote called "Introductory Guide to Critical Theory." 

[What's that got to do with the M-W medical definition?] 

I think it has more to do with the Goog's allegedly unbiased search results and the current state of higher education than anything else. Surprisingly, as far as exactly what the nature of this psychiatric/psychological malady is, that seems to depend on which psychiatrist/psychologist/otherist you talk to. 

[No way! Get out! I didn't see that...]

Undaunted, since Dr. Felluga's (Ph.D.) definition contains the phrase male gaze and mentions Holloywood, I googled the search term Holloywood and male gaze.

Hoo-Boy... 

[Well c'mon, Dorothy, what did you learn?] 

Well, one Laura Mulvey is credited with coining the phrase in an essay she wrote titled Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema in 1973. I tried to read it but even though I have 39 certified college credits I'm not smart and/or sophisticated enough to unpack this work of feminist scholarship. 

By the first sentence of the second paragraph — "The paradox of phallocentrism in all its manifestations is that it depends on the image of a castrated woman to give order and meaning to its world." — I knew I was in over my head.

In despair, I returned to the first hit of my search, the one that led me to Ms. Mulvey, and pulled up an article from Bitch Media titled Returning Our Heads — Inside the Fight to Dismantle the (White) Gods of Hollywood, and read more carefully than the first time (I confess I only skimmed it on the first pass).     

It seems that the author, Naomi McDougal Jones, has noticed what I mistakenly thought everyone already knew, that the movies are chockablock with gratuitous shots of women in every possible state of dress and undress. 

I had assumed it was because anyone with a clue understands that men are ridiculously obsessed with looking at women, that's it's biological in nature and that Holloywood, Madison Avenue — and no shortage of women — don't hesitate to exploit this fact for fun and profit. 

It turns out, unfortunately, that it's just the usual suspects, my fellow Pasty Patriarchs, the ones with all the power and money I don't have (unfortunately) that are in charge of the world. I've never even been invited to one of the meetings! 

If I had money and power I'd produce movies like one I watched recently on Netflix, The Dig, that I can't recommend enough. It's a well made, realistic story with realistic characters and real heroes. Some of them are actually likable, consciously virtuous, and it's based on a novel, not a comic book. 

Given that it's a hit and quite a departure from their standard formula for success — Blood & Bouncing Boobies filmed in Grittyvision — dare we hope for more of the same? 

Finally, lest I appear more sophisticated and more conservative than I actually am (I'm subject to frequent libertarian impulses), sometimes a well made B&BB story that doesn't insult my intelligence and has a well-drawn, likable, non-psychotic character or two is just what the doctor ordered. 

Must be my male gaze.

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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A Narrative About Narrative Journalism

                                         Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay 

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.  

About 

Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"One of our worst traits in journalism is that when we have a narrative in our minds, we often plug in anecdotes that confirm it." -Nicholas Kristof

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Narratives, the word itself as well as what it describes, are popping up here, there, and even over there. They are currently trending (as is, come to think of it, the word trending).

A narrative, according to Merriam-Webster definition 1-b, is "a way of presenting or understanding a situation or series of events that reflects and promotes a particular point of view or set of values."  

This is a scholarly way of describing a story that has a particular spin, just one of the reasons modern journalism is a mess. 

[Could you be a little more vague.]  

Bear with me, Dana, I'm working my way towards a very specific example of what I'm talking about. 

[That's refreshing.]

Very long story short, 

Wokism (Social Justism + Neo-Marxism) + Postmodernism = Faux News. 

[Justism? Wokism? Faux news?] 

Much to my surprise, I discovered that justism is considered to be an actual word by some people. As to its meaning... well, it refers to seeking justice for everyone... all the time... in all things... constantly. If ya don't have a higher power in your life find a rigid ideology to fill in the hole in your soul. 

Wokism is considered to be a religion by at least one guy other besides me, and Faux News is... everywhere. The equation above requires its own column, make that a lengthy essay, to unpack. 

Suffice it to say that the current version of Progressivism, more accurately called Wokism — now considered to be divinely revealed dogma at no shortage of colleges/universities — has climbed over the ivy-covered walls, is spreading across the real world, and is choking off Journalistic Ethics.

[You capitalize words that aren't s'posed to be capitalized like...]

You should know by now that I'm a firm believer in Situational Capitalization. 

[That's not even a thing...]

Maybe, maybe not, but: 

It's my column and I'll Capitalize if I want to

Italicize if I want to...   

(The writer clears his throat) Sorry, folks, your humble correspondent also has a thing for obscure cultural references.  

Anyways, there's no shortage of alleged journalists loose in the world that think that so-called facts are always a matter of interpretation and striving for objectivity is silly (postmodernism), particularly given that the end (social justice) not only justifies the means it's the whole point of journalism and everything else. 

[Huh?]

Screw the Code of Ethics of the Society of Professional Journalists — for example: "Label advocacy and commentary" (my emphasis)  — Justism must be served!  

[Didn't you say something about a specific example?]

As I've stated elsewhere, The Wall Street Journal is my personal paper of record. The WSJ reports the news, for the most part, objectively and factually although not quite as well as they used to and now I know why. More on that in just a sec'.

I pay a relatively hefty subscription fee because relying on social media and/or other "free," and often revenue starved advert-supported sites, for accurate news is another one of the reasons journalism is a mess. 

The primary reason I pay the fee is for access to the staff columnists (and guest writers) on the world's best op-ed page. The Journal's paywall permits sharing these columns via social media which I do regularly on Mr. Cranky's Facebook page.

I wonder if any of my regular readers take the trouble to share my columns?

[When pray tell, can we expect the specific example you mentioned.]

I'll be right back, I'm going to pour myself a fresh cup of coffee. 

[Speaking of ethics...] 

Now, I've been aware of tinges of leftish, narrative journalism appearing in the WSJ for quite some time. Maybe it's just me? Perhaps it's just the editors slightly indulging newly minted journalists while simultaneously subtly steering them towards real journalism?  

However, there was a tempest in a teapot last summer that most of you, having actual lives, may not have heard about. 

A group of "more than 280 reporters, editors, and other employees" -WSJ, (the paper employees about 7,000 people) signed a letter objecting to how the editorial pages are run. 

F.Y.I., news and opinion constitute two different divisions of the paper and are run by different people. The letter calls for the paper to go to more trouble to point out the difference between the news and opinion articles. 

In my semi-humble opinion, anyone reading the WSJ that can't tell the difference between the clearly marked opinion pages and news articles is probably not smart enough to remember to...

[Hey! Choose to be the gentleperson!]

Also, they want to Unleash the Fact-Checkers! on one of the few surviving unabashedly and unashamedly conservative/libertarian op-ed departments in a mainstream newspaper.

Although the quality of the writing is world-class, click-baiting headlines virtually unknown, and pieces by left-wing guest writers are commonplace they want the page, three pages actually, "fact-checked." 

I smell a rat. 

In case you're unaware (that have an actual life thing again), a bit of googlin' will reveal that alleged fact-checking is often just editorializing by a different name, and that fact-checkers nowadays are fact-checking fact-checkers. 

That is to say, Narrative Journalism, on steroids.

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and/or access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.

If you do your Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to access Amazon, Lord Jeffrey will toss me a few pence if you buy anything.    

Feel free to comment/like/follow/cancel/troll me on Cranky's Facebook page.

Cranky don't tweet.