Showing posts with label Jeff Bezos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jeff Bezos. Show all posts

Friday, January 14, 2022

Music Lovers Beware

The Bezoid never sleeps



This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.   

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional meltdown.  
Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." -Aldous Huxley


Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Music lovers — full-timers, part-timers, and once in a great whilers — are as fragmented as just about anybody trying to survive life on the shores of the ever-rising Information (and choices) Ocean.

Most of you zany young people, that is to say, anyone under the age of 50 or so from my current perspective, and even many of my fellow sexy senior citizens (SSCs) are familiar/comfortable with MP3 music files even though they've only been around for 30 years.  

I suspect that there's no shortage of members of both groups who don't know/don't care that when they're "streaming" or downloading music that they're listening to MP3s, or allegedly slightly better formats that sound roughly the same — awful. 

Audiophiles, on the other hand, who, if they deign to stream at all, will go to a great deal of trouble to download "lossless" (or at least less brutally compressed) music files of one sort or another to get music that's as least as good as listening to a virtual CD — preferably better.    

{Wait-wait-wait. I have an enormous collection of MP3s that I accumulated in the 80s that sound great to me. I love Spotify and...}

To paraphrase/recontextualize a Louis Armstrong quote I bumped into somewhere but can't find, Dana, if you like it it's good music. 


There are SSCs, and younger people, that still listen to, and even purchase, actual CDs (40-year-old technology) in spite of the "jewel cases" they're usually packaged in that are made out of a type of plastic that immediately starts decomposing as soon as one manages (4.3 minutes on average) to claw the shrink wrap off.

There are fringe groups that own and listen to cassette tapes (60-year-old technology) which have made a bit of a comeback of late. I heard about a dude that retired to Elbonia that has a climate-controlled vault bulging with 8-track tapes. 

There's a bunch o' Boomers (and a subgroup of young white males) that only listen to classic rock stations that have been playing the same couple of hundred songs since the late sixties.


{What about vinyl LPs? They've made a big comeback and some people say they sound the best.} 

No, they don't, but far be it from me... 

Anyways, they've made a relatively modest comeback because some people are willing to pay $25 for fresh vinyl, some people enjoy scrounging for old vinyl, and certain people are resistant to change.

{Yeah, most Boomers and...} 

Some members of this group have too much time and/or money on their hands, like this guy.




And finally, we have me, a wild-eyed eccentric and rugged individualist who has turned his back on overpriced Apple products and overly complicated PCs and embraced the inexpensive/uncomplicated Chromebox, the desktop version of the now-famous Chromebook.

{You're my hero.} 

A man who, thanks to appropriate peripheral devices including a decent pair of powered speakers and subwoofer attached to said Chromebox — and subscriptions to certain video streaming services — created a poor man's entertainment center (PMEC)/home office in his chambers that fulfills all his needs with one exception, CD-quality music.   

{Um... You do realize that you can attach a CD player to a Chromebox, book, whatever, right?} 

Yes, but then I'd have to own/maintain CDs, I want to "stream" my music out of the cloud. After all, it's all out there, or at least will be eventually. 

{Um... Amazon Prime members can get CD (and even better) quality audio via something called Amazon music UNLIMITED. $7.95/month gets you access to a library of 75,000,000 (and growing) songs. It's only two bucks more for non-members.}

Indeed, which brings us to the title and subtitle of this column. 

{By the by, who's the Bezoid?}

Jeff (all's fair in love and retail) Bezos. 


For one brief, shining moment I thought l could live out my days without having to complicate my life or my room: the PMEC complete at last. I'm running low on allocated words so permit me to skip to the bottom line. 

CD-level audio via Amazon streaming is not possible for Chromebook/box owners. As to why, well, good luck getting a straight answer on that one.

{Well... buy a cheap PC then and...}

I don't want or need a cheap PC, and here's another fun fact. An inexpensive PC, or an overpriced Apple will get ya CD-level audio (which Amazon calls HD sound). 

But Amazon boasts you can also access Ultra HD sound, better than CD, and you can — if you purchase a hardware add-on or two, which they forget to mention.

{Huh... but I know for a fact it'll give me CD-level sound on my smartphone...}

Sure, but again, the elusive/alleged Ultra is not possible. And, unless you've got expensive headphones and/or the ability to connect your phone to a (not cheap) pair of speakers, you're not gonna notice much of a difference. 

{Oh... well still, there's something to be said for access to all those songs for less than ten bucks a month.}

True dat. Still, it'd be nice if a company that's supposed to be all about customer service always played it straight. 

{Man, you are a crank.} 

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day


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Friday, October 29, 2021

Princes and Robber Barons

Lost in space


                             Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay


This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.   

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in an intersectional meltdown. Intended for H. sapiens who are — in the words of the late, great bon vivant, polymath, and pic-a-nic basket expert, Professor Y. Bear — "Smarter than the av-er-age bear." 
Glossary 

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"Kings may be judges of the Earth, but wise men are the judges of kings."
                                                                        -Solomon Ibn Gabirol


Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),


When I'm the King of America, Jeff Bezos, and his fellow high-tech robber barons will be summoned to visit the royal residence and have a beer with me. 

{Robber Barons?}

Selling us stuff we want is one thing; selling us (in the form of our stealthily accumulated data) without cutting us in while simultaneously "disrupting" entire industries (destroying jobs) while claiming to be social justice warriors is quite another.  

I have some problems with how Lord Jeffrey and his fellow barons conduct themselves, but I must admit that, unlike Prince William, the heir to the British throne, he did make his own fortune and wasn't born with a silver toothpick in his mouth.

He does sell titanium ones for less than ten bucks though.  

{You're incorrectly conflating Prince William and Prince Charles. Chuck sucks on a silver toothpick and is the heir to the throne. His son Billy is the next one in line.} 

Are you sure? Wait a sec', I'll be right back...

You got me. Chuck — world-class environmental activist — is still the official heir to the throne. And, he travels with a silver-plated porcupine quill toothpick (among other interesting things) when he zips around the globe in private jets saving us from ourselves. 

But Chuck is now 72 and his mum, who by now should be the Queen Mum, not the Queen, is 95. If not for the embarrassing Chuck and Di disaster she would've stepped aside long ago. 

She fantasizes about the good old days when she could've had him beheaded, or at least locked in the Tower along with Prince Harry the Hairy and Princess Meghan the Lowborn. Then she could hang out in the palace, maintain a discrete buzz, advise her preferred heir (Billy), and watch the servants play with her great-grandkids.

{How the hell do you...}     

We occasionally chat via burner phones and we text each other regularly. She's advising me on running for king in '24, although she thinks a coup d'état makes more sense. 



This brings us to Prince Billy and his recent gentlemanly smackdown of Lord Jeffrey as well as Sir Richard, Tony Stark, and Captain Kirk.

{Wait, what are you...} 

Sir Richard Branson, Elon Musk, and William Shatner. 

For the record, Mr. Richard Branson became Sir Richard Branson when Queen Lilibet made him a Knight Bachelor to honor him for amassing an unusually large pile of money and Prince Chuck performed the ceremony.

{Smackdown?}

Perhaps I should back up a bit.

Captain Kirk was recently in the news when he took a trip on Lord Jeffrey's rocket ship and became the oldest H. sapien to travel to space, well, as far as we know. 

{Is that the rocket ship that looks like the world's largest marital aid?}

That's the one. Anyways, according to an article on the BBCs website, Prince Billy thinks that "...entrepreneurs should focus on saving Earth rather than engaging in space tourism."

He's also worried about rising climate anxiety in young people whose futures are under threat 24x7x365: "It's very unnerving and it's very, you know, anxiety making," and there's a "fundamental question" about carbon emissions from rocket ships. 

Your tireless columnist looked into this and you'll be relieved to know that Lord Jeffrey's rocket is powered by liquid hydrogen and oxygen and according to a site called livescience.com: "...the main emissions will be water and some minor combustion products, and virtually no CO2." 

In the interest of full disclosure, I was referred to the LIVE SCI=NCE article by a snarky editorial in The Wall Street Journal: "That isn’t to claim no effects: Building the rocket and producing the flight creates carbon emissions, no doubt, but so does putting on a royal wedding with a crowd of global guests and a military flyover."  

Snark on! WSJ editorial board.  


The collective wealth of the British Royal family dubbed, The Firm by either Lilibet's dad or her late husband, constitutes a plethora of pounds sterling. There's a Wikipedia entry, Finances of the British royal family devoted to it that includes the following interesting passage:

"...the Queen is the only person in Scotland not required to facilitate the construction of pipelines to heat buildings using renewable energy."

If I was born rich, one of the heirs of a royal anachronism, I too would just smile and wave when necessary and find a cause to champion to distract the peasants and assuage my guilt.

I wouldn't jet around the world though, I'd stay home and write checks, smaller carbon footprint.   

Poppa loves you,


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Friday, February 26, 2021

Amazon

                                                        Image by xxolaxx from Pixabay

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work  well, hopefully  for free. Win/Win.  

About 


Glossary 


Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"I believe in censorship, I made a fortune out of it." -Mae West


Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

Unless you've signed up to receive my column via email, you will notice my Amazon adverts have disappeared. After much wailing and teeth-gnashing, I tried, for the second time, to generate a tiny bit of revenue for my efforts by running said ads.

(FYI, I don't sell the addresses of my email subscribers nor do I send 'em anything other than my column. In fact, I subscribe to a service that mails my columns out for me and I don't bother looking to see who has signed up.) 

I can't even remember what evil deed Lord Jeffrey did the first time he peed me off and I bailed on him. The trickle of revenue I gave up was hardly a heroic gesture on my part but it made me feel virtuous as hell for a minute or two. 

[Virtuous as hell doesn't make any sense, you know that right? Hell, by definition, is not a virtuous place.]   

Obviously, Dana. It makes no more sense than happy as hell.  On the other hand, one could make a case for happy as fu... 

Nevermind, neo-neoconservatives reserve that word for private conversations with other neo-neoconservatives and/or certain friends and family members who aren't offended by its use, and then only selectively, to preserve its power. Certainly not in a missive published on the World Wide Web.  

[That reminds me, you've yet to spell out the tenets of neo-neoconservatism.] 

Stay tuned. Now, where was I ...?

Recklessly risking the wrath of Lord Jeffrey and his minions.

Nah...

Getting old, being a virtual rounding error in the cultural commentariat, and suffering from a chronic case of Nodough renders me relatively safe from being rounded up by a posse of Wokies and being prosecuted/persecuted by the Intersectional Inquisition.


I decided to try again, despite misgivings. After all, I have both friends and family members that work/worked for His Lordship both directly and indirectly. 

But then he did it again. 

Lord Jeffrey, Tim Cook (Apple), Sundar Pichai (the Goog), Jack Dorsey (Twitter), and Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook) were getting loaded at their favorite bar, the Collusion Lounge, to celebrate the Depublican gangs recent recapturing of their favorite turf, the Swamp. 

"Hey, any of you guys ever heard of a flyspeck of a company called Parler that's a combination of Twitter and Facebook for Deplorables?" asked Jack?"

"Of course, Jack, we all have, our armies of Algorithmites all carefully monitor the Data Mountains, just like yours," replied Mark, "So what? As you say, a flyspeck."

"Yeah, but a bunch of Deplorables have signed up since we've become more open about censoring anti-Wokies."      

"Tell ya what," said Lord Jeffrey, I'll turn off their servers if you guys attack 'em from the software side, deal?"

"Deal," they replied one by one, and then they (carefully) clinked their custom-made Waterford crystal mugs of craft beer together.

"Hey, anybody wanna do a line?" asked CENSORED. 


My first impulse was to immediately pull the ads but since I'm now officially a  conservative...
   
[A neo-neoconservative, whatever that is...]

I decided to defer to reasoned caution and control my emotions till some time had passed and I had accumulated more data. 

But then he did it again. 

Recently, I came across an article written by Elena Debre in Slate titled Amazon Will Pay $61.7 Million for Stealing Flex Drivers’ Tips. 

Me very own darlin' dawder (reread with an Irish accent) was, until recently, a Flex driver so of course, this got my attention. Fortunately, Amazon got caught prior to her tenure and had stopped stealing from the help, excuse me, independent contractors, before she came along. 

Long story short, Amazon's Flex pays people to deliver packages and food in their own vehicles (which makes them independent contractors) and they pay said contractors fairly for the work in question. 

BIG BUT. 

Customer tips were supposed to be income over and above what Amazon paid the drivers but they got caught with their hand in the tip jar and recently agreed to a settlement with the Federal Trade Commission for almost $62 million bucks. 

The FTC will divvy up the money among the drivers that got ripped off because Amazon, as part of the settlement, has admitted to nothing or reimbursed the drivers. 

[C'mon man! That wasn't Lord Jeffry, that was likely a corporate weenie (or three) on the make. He probably didn't even know about it till...]    

And yet, I can find no mention of the sort of abject apology demanded by the Wokies when they come across (or dredge up from the past) a secular sin, real or imagined.   


Still, I hesitated. Now that the cat has clawed its way out of the sack maybe an apology/acknowledgment was pending.

Nope.  

And then, last Tuesday morning, the first day of a glorious and much-needed thaw here in the Ohio Mountains, I found this.  

According to an article on Newsweek's website, Amazon has banned a book it's been selling for three years, When Harry Became Sally, by conservative scholar Ryan Anderson, a book that was an Amazon bestseller before it was released. 

Mr. Anderson didn't know this until a would-be reader contacted him to tell him that Amazon stopped selling the book — without bothering to mention this to him and last I heard still won't say why. The Newsweek article, by Katherine Fung, includes the following incendiary quote from the book. 

"We need to respect the dignity of people who identify as transgender but without encouraging children to undergo experimental transition treatments, and without trampling on the needs and interests of others." My emphisi.

I hope this column doesn't crater Amazon's stock price but a columnist's gotta do what a columnist's gotta do. 

Dana, why are you laughing?

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day


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If you do your Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to access Amazon, Lord Jeffrey will toss me a few pence if you buy anything.    

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