It Never Ends

Image by 1035352 from Pixabay

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.  

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating meltdown.  

About 

Glossary 

Featuring Dana: Hallucination, guest star, and charming literary device  

"...democracy is the worst form of government - except for all the others that have been tried..." -Winston Churchill 

Dear Stickies and Gentlereaders,

It's never going to end, is it? 

This issue serves as a perfect illustration of one of the downsides of democracy, the ability of a small, noisy, dedicated group of citizens — endlessly energized by their belief that they're on the side of the angels — willing to hold the rest of the country hostage.

In fact, it's easier to do nowadays than it was in ancient Athens. Back then you had to round up the boys and have 'em all meet at the Pnyx. Since boys will be boys, they would've just as soon been home chillin' out on the klinē, drinking lite-wine, and watching ΈΣΡΝ. 

{Why easier these days?}

The internet, social media, the purple press, etc.

{Point taken... hey, misogyny alert! What about the women of ancient Athens?} 

Only the male citizens of Athens were eligible to debate and vote. 

Since ancient Athenian men were openly sexist and owned literally thousands of slaves (and for all intents and purposes, their wives and daughters), I wonder why the Wokies haven't trashed all their leftover statues. 

{I'll bet that's how the Venus de Milo lost her arms, ancient Wokies! But we drift.} 

Yes, we do, Dana. Back to abortion. 

 

I refuse to quote specific poll results because many of the articles I found about the subject reported the poll results of various organizations, which of course, varied, but more importantly the context and narratives within which the results were reported varied wildly. 

{Welcome to the Information Age.}  

But that's not going to keep me from declaring that a comfortable majority of my fellow Citizens of the Republic support legal, unrestricted abortion up to about 16 weeks or so with exceptions after that for rape, incest, and health problems.  

I checked out European abortion laws because my left-leaning friends often point out how much more liberal and civilized life in Europe is. I found an article from March of last year on the website of the left-leaning Human Rights Watch lauding France for extending their 12-week limit to 14 weeks, the same as Spain. 

{Where, as we all know, the rain falls mainly... why are you looking at me like that?}  

Before I go on permit me to state for the record, I tend to lean right and I fully support the Supremes, well, the majority of them anyway, relatively recently ruling that the Constitution does not guarantee the right to get an abortion.

{I think I've relatively recently come to hate alliteration as much as you love it.}

If they had ruled that way on 1/22/73 we might have moved on by now. I hope when the smoke clears, well, dissipates, people will settle down and decide to live and let live. 

So, what's the problem? The majority of Americans (and our European friends and frenemies) have maintained, more or less, the same opinion for decades, let's compromise. Say, 12 to 16 weeks, with appropriate exceptions?

Even Congress should be able to hammer something out. 

{Yeah, right. Hey, I thought you wanted the states to decide individually?}

What I said was that the Supremes were wrong when they decided Roe v. Wade way back when by finding a right in the Constitution that wasn't/isn't there, resolving nothing. 

Instead, the people opposed to most, or even all forms of abortion went to war (occasionally literally) with the folks that wanted few to no restrictions and the majority that wanted/want a rational compromise. 

Many members of the rational majority believe that abortion should be safe and legal, but, rare and practice what they preach, which results in a lot of unplanned babies being born anyway. 

It also results, unfortunately, in a lot of babies not being born, but it also, fortunately, results in a lot of women staying safe, legal, and out of "back alleys." 

{Do you have the statistics to back up your claims?}

Nope. All I have to offer is 70 years of living in the real world and a modicum of common sense. 

Finally, since controversy is all the rage, let me finish by expressing my sympathy to the radical pro-life people but respectfully suggest you channel your outrage into promoting adoption and even orphanages run by religious organizations (gasp!) where kids are allowed, even encouraged, to pray. 

Gentlemen: Saying that only a woman should decide if she should have an abortion since it's her body (pulling a Pontius Pilate) is pure bonkercockie. Immaculate conceptions are exceedingly rare. 

Gentlewomen: Pink pussycat hats are offensive at worst, and tacky at best.

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down to share my work or access oldies. Buy an old crank a coffee? Extra content is available to members of Cranky's Coffee Club.    

Comments? I post my columns on Facebook and Twitter where you can love me, hate me, or try to have me canceled. Don't demonize, seek a compromise. 

You Can Call Me... Elmer (Part 2)

Don't call me Al, or late for dinner. Ba Dum Tss

Image by Vkastro from Pixabay 

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.  

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating meltdown.  

About 

Glossary 

Featuring Dana: Hallucination, guest star, and charming literary device  

"As I've said before, free money scams are a problem." -Mathew Lesko 

Dear Stickies and Gentlereaders,

In You Can Call Me... Elmer (Part 1), I cleverly tied together the occasional disruptions in my cash flow prior to retirement to religious cults to financial cults to Amway, a firm that makes billions of bucks by serving(?) souls seeking financial salvation.

I wish to elaborate on why thinking about cults got me thinking about Amway. 

For a yearly fee of only $76 (or the equivalent if you're a citizen of one of the 99+ countries besides the U.S. Amway operates in), you can allegedly supplement your inadequate income, or even build a full-time business of your own. 

Your fellow Amway "independent business owners" will show you how and provide resources and guidance. Not only do the folks who sign up folks and teach them how to sign up other folks so that everyone can get rich (or at least less financially stressed), they helpfully supply meetings, classes, seminars, literature, etc. — "business support materials" — for a price. 

{Amway's (in)famous for that sort of thing, it's widely known, what's your point?}

Amway's reputation for holding meetings and rallies that resemble revival meetings to fire up the troops is one of the reasons some call Amway a cult.

Another is that it's possible to find yourself being recruited by one of the faithful who lured you into a pitch by being careful to never utter the word Amway, a tactic common to people who recruit new members to join cults. 

This actually happened to me once and I nearly lost a friend who talked my late, great, sorta/kinda mother-in-law (it's complicated) into meeting a certain someone who wished to discuss a "business opportunity."

Joyce: "This isn't Amway is it John?"

John: "It's just a great idea that I, uh, personally recommend."  

At a certain point in this person's pitch, which I also attended, Joyce had an aha! moment and forced him to admit that he was looking to add people to his Amway "downline." 

When it was made, um, abundantly clear to this individual that the meeting was over and that he should go away, now, Dr. Amway transformed into Mr. Hyde and viciously turned on her before stomping off into the sunset. 

However, no one was killed, and my embarrassed friend apologized, slunk out, and shortly thereafter decided that Amway wasn't for him either.  

I don't have a problem with Christians, in fact, although I'm not a Christian, I'm hoping that America has one of its periodic Christian Great Awakenings soon to fill the growing God-shaped hole in the American heart that the wacky Wokies are, to a great extent, responsible for.

{Huh?}

long story, Dana, and perhaps a future column. 

I don't have a problem with the adherents of any faith that take their religious beliefs seriously and live their lives accordingly. Assuming, of course, they believe that "live and let live" are also words to literally live by and are willing to gracefully share the playground with all the other kids. 

I firmly believe that the sermon you live is much more effective than the sermon you preach and I'm repelled by spiritual/moral/ethical/etcetrical hypocrisy (all sins, I confess, that I'm occasionally guilty of). 

I've personally been involved with more than one materially successful individual, Christian and otherwise, who wore/wear their faith on their sleeves, seemingly oblivious to the fact their success derives from their willingness to exploit others.

I've heard varied versions, delivered with a straight face, of what I think of as divine-right monarch logic. "If God disapproved of my actions I wouldn't be wearing a crown, right? 

Amway's founders, Jay Van Andel ("Christianity involved the living out of Biblical values of honesty, generosity, and respect for others in our everyday life.") and Richard DeVos ("As business moves forward, you realize that God has his hand on the whole business and that he brought people to you who are like-minded. It starts with faith.") were both billionaires when they died. 

In 1993, Mr. DeVos published a book titled Compassionate Capitalism: People Helping People Help Themselves. According to Amazon DeVos argues that as capitalism spreads around the world "it needs to develop a moral base that would incorporate the interests of corporations, workers, customers, and the environment." My emphasis.

   

From last week's column: Amway reports on a 2021 U.S. Income Disclosure that "For calendar year 2021, the average income for all U.S. registered IBOs at the Founders Platinum level and below was $766 before expenses."

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down to share my work or access oldies. Buy an old crank a coffee? Extra content is available to members of Cranky's Coffee Club.    

Comments? I post my columns on Facebook and Twitter where you can love me, hate me, or try to have me canceled. Don't demonize, seek a compromise. 

 

You Can Call Me... Elmer (Part One)

Don't call me Al, or late for dinner. Ba Dum Tss

Image by Vkastro from Pixabay 

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.  

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating meltdown.  

About 

Glossary 

Featuring Dana: Hallucination, guest star, and charming literary device  

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." 

                                                                                            -Rita Rudner

Dear Stickies and Gentlereaders,

{Elmer?}

As in Elmer Gantry, Dana.

{Who?}

Elmer Gantry is the protagonist (and title) of an excellent novel written by Sinclair Lewis and an excellent movie more or less based on the book. 

{Oh... okay.} 

Prior to retirement, I was what you'd call a working stiff for the majority of the 45 years I spent earning a living. The velocity of my cash flow was occasionally reduced to that of certain sections of the Rio Grande River when Texas is in the midst of one of its periodic droughts.

{Oh... okay.}

This sort of situation sometimes led to my consideration of various and sundry get-rich-quick or slower but seemingly more reliable schemes to resolve this regularly recurring problem once and for all. 

{You know, other people have...}

Yeah, I know, and I did too, or tried to, repeatedly, but it never worked out very well. I'm not complaining mind you, but I also don't feel guilty. I can declare with a straight face that sometimes it was my fault, but mostly it wasn't. 

And when it wasn't it could easily lead to the kind of idle speculation mentioned above. However, I never once attempted to start a spiritual cult despite the low barriers to entry in the religion business.

{If you weren't so loath to deploy hackneyed cliches, at this point I'd react with a, wait...what?} 

Elmer Gantry was in the religion business; he was a hustler, a phony. He didn't start a cult, preferring to operate within more traditional religious structures. I myself would've preferred leading a modestly sized cult. 

I'm a low-profile sort of dude who would've been content with two or three subservient (by nature, not by training) concubines, a modest income, and pepperoni pizza at least once a week. 

I would've been a kind shepherd to my flock, but I think that traveling that particular road requires a degree of sociopathology beyond my relatively modest one. Besides, I should think that being a spiritual con artist would be as exhausting as any career that requires being an inveterate liar. 

May as well get a real job, or join a cult, a secular one dedicated to resolving your financial problems, like Amway. 

{AMWAY'S A PYRAMID SCHEME!}

Amway: "We manufacture and distribute nutrition, beauty, personal care and home products—which are exclusively sold in 100 countries through Amway Independent Business Owners (IBOs)." My emphasis. 

Hey, ya gotta figure it's easy to accidentally step on some toes when your company's that hooge. 

Wikipedia: "Amway has been investigated in various countries and by institutions such as the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) for alleged pyramid scheme practices. It has never been found guilty though it has paid tens of millions of dollars to settle these suits."

Honest mistakes or cost of doing business?

FYI, "...exclusively sold (my emphasis again) in 100 countries through Amway Independent Business Owners (IBOs)" is at the top of a web page with a link a few inches away, SHOP PRODUCTS, that will enable you to access Amway's entire product line and skip dealing with a "registered" IBO (who pays Amway $76 a year for the privilege). 

Just sayin'.

I had forgotten about Amway. There are certain advantages to being a relatively reclusive retiree who's no longer a member of most "target markets." 

I thought perhaps they were no longer in business but they still are, very much so. I went a-googlin' and discovered that their revenues are almost $9,000,000,000 a year and that they're an international firm that does business here, there, and waaay over there, in China, their largest market. 

{I wonder if Uyghurs are allowed to be IBOs?}

In my defense, it's been a while since anyone has tried to sign me up to be an IBO much less tried to sell me some merchandise, which used to happen regularly. Fun fact: Amway is the largest MLM (multi-level marketing) company on the planet Earth, amazing what can happen when you're not paying attention.

Another fun fact: Amway reports on a 2021 U.S. Income Disclosure that "For calendar year 2021, the average income for all U.S. registered IBOs at the Founders Platinum level and below was $766 before expenses."

Hmm, let's see... 766... divide by 12... that's $63.83 a month before expenses. 

Hoo-boy. 

It would seem that the Founders Platinum level should be called the Founders Aluminum level as I suspect that recycling cans would be a viable alternative. 

To be continued...

Poppa loves you,

Have an OK day

Scroll down to share my work or access oldies. Buy an old crank a coffee? Extra content is available to members of Cranky's Coffee Club.    

Comments? I post my columns on Facebook and Twitter where you can love me, hate me, or try to have me canceled. Don't demonize, seek a compromise.