May You Live In Interesting Times (No. 6)

If you're new here, this is a weekly column consisting of letters written to my (eventual) grandchildren (who exist) and my great-grandchildren (who don't yet, aka the Stickies) to haunt them after they become grups and/or I'm dead.

[Blogaramians: Blogarama renders the links in my columns useless. Please click on View Original to solve this problem and access lotsa columns.]

                                                 - Glossary  

                                  - Who The Hell Is This Guy?

Irregularly Appearing Imaginary Guest Stars 

Marie-Louise -- My beautiful muse  

Iggy -- My imaginary Sticky

Dana -- My imaginary Gentlereader

"We have met the Devil of Information Overload and his impish underlings, the computer virus, the busy signal, the dead link, and the PowerPoint presentation."   -James Gleick


Dear (eventual) Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

As you are no doubt aware from your careful and thorough reading of my missives the ancient Chinese curse that is also the title of this column is not actually an ancient Chinese curse.

However, these are indeed interesting times if you regard treading water in the Dizzinformation Ocean with no sign of solid ground in sight as interesting.

"Dizzinformation Syndrome: I define dizzinformation syndrome as, simply, dizzy from too much information -- correct, incorrect, or, worst of all, contradictory." -from my Glossary


Economists speak of the potential problems caused by asymmetric information. For example, in the BC era (before Carfax) when purchasing a used car a buyer was at a huge disadvantage when trying to strike a deal with a seller. 

The buyer is still at a distinct disadvantage; there are all sorts of things that might be wrong with a given car that will only be discovered after you've become the proud owner. There are no shortage of tricks and/or deceptions that can be employed by the seller to make sure you don't discover these things until after your name is on the title.  

Alternatively, the buyer in a given transaction may have an informational advantage. Suppose your beloved uncle Stanislaus died and left you his dumpy home that's located in the wrong neighborhood, but, is jam-packed with all sorts of crap stuff because uncle Stan was a collector of sorts. 

He wasn't a packrat, he only saved things he thought were either interesting, might be valuable, or both. But there's an awful lot of it and categorically speaking, it's widely varied. Of course, you could go a-googlin'... and do so much research it feels like your brain is bleeding. Then all you'd have to do is figure out the best way to sell what you think might be valuable. 

What else have you got to do, right?

[Awc'mon! what's the big deal? There are people you can hire to do that for you, I don't see what the big deal is.]

That's true, Dana. Once again all you have to do is go a-googlin' and find one. Alternatively, you can find all sorts of information about how to go about disposing of your (or uncle Stan's) crap stuff by yourself. In either case, hundreds and hundreds of relevant hits will pop up. And of course, everyone knows you can trust the Goog to impartially provide you with objective information, right?  

Ain'tcha glad you're living in the Information Age?

[Is there a point to...] 

Absabalutely. 

Too many sources of information are just as bad as too many products to choose from unless of course, they aren't. 

[Right!... No, wait, that doesn't make any sense. What...]

Unfortunately, it does. Fire up your screen of choice and go a-googlin' again. Experts in multiple fields agree that having a multiplicity of choices, in anything, clearly sucks. Other experts in multiple fields agree that having a multiplicity of choices, in anything, clearly, is cool. The experts who study this subject in order to advise marketing experts on how to sell us crap stuff come down firmly on both sides.


Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go. I've been considering buying a guitar. Being a newbie of limited means I obviously don't want to spend a lot of dough on something that may just turn out to be a passing impulse.

I've done my research and have my choice narrowed down to about 39 different models and I'm cautiously optimistic that in another week, two at the most, I will have selected the right guitar.

Worst-case scenario I'll put together a top ten list and resolve the question via a series of coin flips while praying to the patron saint of crap stuff (St. Accumulatious) that I'm not subsequently afflicted with a severe case of buyer's remorse. Poppa loves you.

Have an OK day. 
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P.S. Gentlereaders, for 25¢ a week, no, seriously, for 25¢ a week you can become a patron of this weekly column and help to prevent an old crank from running the streets at night in search of cheap thrills and ill-gotten gains. Just click on the Patreon button at the top or bottom of the page.

Your friendly neighborhood crank is not crazy about social media (I am a crank after all) but if you must, you can like me/follow me on Facebook. I post an announcement when I have a new column available as well as news articles/opinion pieces that reflect where I'm coming from or that I wish to call attention to.

©2019 Mark Mehlmauer As long as you agree to supply my name and URL and only minimally edit my content (scroll all the way up or down for Creative Commons License) you may republish this anywhere you please.

Political Science?

If you're new here, this is a weekly column consisting of letters written to my (eventual) grandchildren (who exist) and my great-grandchildren (who don't yet, aka the Stickies) to haunt them after they become grups and/or I'm dead.

[Blogaramians: Blogarama renders the links in my columns useless. Please click on View Original to solve this problem and access lotsa columns.]

                                                 - Glossary  

                                  - Who The Hell Is This Guy?

Irregularly Appearing Imaginary Guest Stars 

Marie-Louise -- My beautiful muse  

Iggy -- My imaginary Sticky

Dana -- My imaginary Gentlereader

"A recent Pew Hispanic survey found that more than 70 percent of illegal immigrants from Mexico are interested in a guest-worker program and then returning home."   -John Shadegg



Dear (eventual) Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

This week's letter may come in handy someday to help you someday understand what happened if America is overrun by our less fortunate neighbors to the south. Considering what's happening to Europe, you'd think we'd know better

From the National Interest, 3/23/19:

"Seventeen years and five months later, fourteen thousand U.S. troops remain enmeshed in a war in Afghanistan with no end in sight."

"2,419 U.S. service members have been killed in Afghanistan, and tens of thousands of additional soldiers have been wounded..."

In Afghanistan, aka the Graveyard of Empires, our kids are still getting killed or maimed. No shortage of the homeless are vets who have served multiple tours in hell. 16.8 (not 20.6 the VA assures us) off themselves every day.

Think about that. Approximately every hour and a half someone that volunteered to keep Americans safe from external threats so that we can battle the obesity epidemic at home takes their own life.

Meanwhile...        

The Donald and the Demos are fighting over building a Magic Wall from the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific Ocean, a distance of 1,954 miles. Now personally, I think that a Magic Wall that's 1,954 miles long that can't be tunneled under, flown over, or sailed around for only $5,700,000,000 is the deal of the century. That's less than three million bucks a mile (2,917,093 dollars and 14 cents a mile to be exact).

That's chump change! California has spent roughly $5,400,000,000 (in addition to $3,300,000,000 of seed money from Uncle Sugar) on a high-speed railroad that has crashed before it was built. Three million a mile is peanuts! Makes ya wonder why the Repubs didn't set aside the dough after they ran the table in 2016 and had control of the Swamp for two entire years.

Anyways...

Nancy Pelosi, tribune of the little people, (net worth, $16,000,000) and crew has said, "Take a hike, the Donald, No wall for you!"

"Oh yeah!" responded the Oompa Loompa-in-chief, "I declare an emergency. I'm gonna build me a big beautiful wall anyway, so there!"

Nuh-uh!
Uh-huh!
Nuh-uh!
Uh-huh!

And Then...

From National Public Radio's website, 1/9/19:

Yes, The President Can Declare A 'National Emergency' To Build a Wall

"The way that Congress set it up ... was that Congress could basically terminate any national emergency the president declared through a concurrent resolution -- simply through majority votes of both houses, without the president's approval."

The article goes on to point out that the Supremes ruled that without the president's signature this was unconstitutional so Congress changed the law. It now states that the prez must sign off or the resolution is void, the emergency stands.

Just like any other law, the president has the power of the veto, which he has invoked. Just like any other law, it requires a two-thirds majority in both houses to override said veto.

So...

Secure in the knowledge they didn't have enough votes to override a veto the Demos and a handful of Repubs bravely passed the resolution anyway. This act of congressional masturbation resulted in a tempest in a teapot that continues to rage.

The Donald has declared victory and ordered the Magic Wall to be built. However, the lawsuits to stop this from happening are piling up faster than snow in a nor'easter.

The 39 (and counting) Demos running for president are gleefully welcoming anyone that can make it across the border and the word is out that if you bring your kids, or somebody's kids, the gringos will buy ya a bus ticket to your preferred American city of streets paved with gold if you promise to come back after things settle down.

"Kids in Cages" headlines make for very bad optics.

The Sturm und Drang continues with no end in sight because that's how ya get elected and stay elected in America nowadays.

                                              The Swamp, Inc
    No solutions, no compromise, no results. Bread and Circuses 24x7x365.


Emergency? What Emergency?

“We are aware that a new caravan is forming in Honduras that they’re calling the mother of all caravans . . . and which could be [made up of] more than 20,000 people,” Olga Sánchez Cordero said.

"Nuh-Uh!" Honduras responds.

It's probably not true (since I just made it up) but I heard from the ubiquitous Anonymous Source that the CIA agent that signed off on WMD in Iraq is serving out their career in Honduras, trying to hang on long enough to get a full pension. Maybe we could ask him/her/them (shh! it's a secret) to check this out. Poppa loves you.

Have an OK day. 
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P.S. Gentlereaders, for 25¢ a week, no, seriously, for 25¢ a week you can become a patron of this weekly column and help to prevent an old crank from running the streets at night in search of cheap thrills and ill-gotten gains. Just click on the Patreon button at the top or bottom of the page.

Your friendly neighborhood crank is not crazy about social media (I am a crank after all) but if you must, you can like me/follow me on Facebook. I post an announcement when I have a new column available as well as news articles/opinion pieces that reflect where I'm coming from or that I wish to call attention to.

©2019 Mark Mehlmauer As long as you agree to supply my name and URL and only minimally edit my content (scroll all the way up or down for Creative Commons License) you may republish this anywhere you please.

Self Indulgent Nostalgia (No. 2.2)

If you're new here, this is a weekly column consisting of letters written to my (eventual) grandchildren (who exist) and my great-grandchildren (who don't yet, aka the Stickies) to haunt them after they become grups and/or I'm dead.

[Blogaramians: Blogarama renders the links in my columns useless. Please click on View Original to solve this problem and access lotsa columns.]

                                                 - Glossary  

                                  - Who The Hell Is This Guy?

Irregularly Appearing Imaginary Guest Stars 

Marie-Louise -- My beautiful muse  

Iggy -- My imaginary Sticky

Dana -- My imaginary Gentlereader

"If you're yearning for the good old days, just turn off the air conditioning."
                                                                                  -Griff Niblack

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies & Great-Grandstickies (& Gentlereaders),

Last week's letter ended thusly:

"Still, In the course of one summer, I went from perpetual pissing contests with the boys I ran with back in the Burgh (with an h) to enjoying school (and a tiny bit of civilized social life) for the first time since first grade. It wasn't till the following September that things got stupid again."

[Coming soon to a theater near you, Boys In the Burgh (with an h)]

Clearly, an explanation is in order. It started in third grade. We had moved from one Pittsburgh (with an h) neighborhood, the Bluff (near Mercy Hospital) to the Sahside flats the summer before third grade.

I have a limited amount of memories to draw on from first and second grade that I won't bore you with here. While I had plenty of friends, the only one I remember vividly is Frankie Mancuso, baseball card collector extraordinaire. Hello Frankie, wherever you are.

Starting with third grade, I remember lots of things vividly, I particularly remember my friends. The baby boom was still booming so believe it or not my Dear Stickies I had a lot of friends (not so much nowadays Gentlereaders).

My primary group of friends, "the boys I ran with" of the first paragraph, consisted of the boys I sat in a classroom with from third thru seventh grade and less intensive friendships with other kids from the neighborhood that were in other grades or went to a different school. As far as I knew at the time, this was how the world worked.

Long story short, I was a weird kid that loved to read but hated school. I wasn't a nerd but I came to the conclusion early on that my typical friend's obsession with sports, who was toughest, what were the right sneakers, the right clothes, etc. was, well, goofy. But I had to fake it as best I could because those were the rules. It must be me.

[For the record, I wasn't a sissy. I loved swimming, biking, skateboarding, rock 'n' roll, Cub Scouts, street fairs and what I guess you could call urban exploring. I wandered all over the Sah-side and even other relatively far-flung neighborhoods (streetcar rides were five cents). My parents often had no idea what I was up to. I was always home for dinner and then by the time the street lights came on. 

No one ever tried to kidnap me and no priest ever tried to molest me. Go figure. But yes, I know it happened/happens. When I'm king child molesters will be castrated and placed in cages with doors that have been welded shut.]

Bit of a detour, I know, but you see, that's why eighth grade rocked. I fit in with those kids and found out that if I worked hard I could get decent grades.


Now, we finally come to the reason why this, in retrospect, turned out to be one of the most pivotal years of my life, which I made mention of two letters ago when I began what's turned into a series.

[Thank God, FINALLY!]

Dana, I've missed you. Where've you been?

[Getting drunk, you haven't told them yet, have you?]

All in due time, I want to finish this series first. Gotta tell ya, buddy, I think you're overreacting...


Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, pivoting. If I had gone on to Catholic high school I would've had a whole different life. Not necessarily better, but certainly quite different. I regret nothing as I've had a full and interesting life. The best part of which was 21 years with your late, great Nana -- and is 34 (and counting...) years with your mom -- and is 18, 16, 13 & 13 (and counting...) years with yinz guys.

If I had gone on to Catholic high school I would likely have also gone to college and have entered the real world with a minimum of 120 or so certified college credits obtained in four years as opposed to the 39 certified credits I managed to accumulate in the course of the 47 years that have passed since I graduated from high school.

But...

My parents couldn't afford to send me to Catholic high school with my new friends. Hell, they really couldn't afford the tiny house we lived in, the first one they ever owned.

And...

After eight years of hyper-conservative Catholic education, I thought a public high school would be cool. I mean, c'mon it was the late '60s! Time to rock n' roll!

Unfortunately...

Although compared to the inner city neighborhoods I had lived in the township I/we found ourselves living in was "rich," the boys in burbs were, for the most part, just as goofy as the boys in the Burgh (with an h).

However...

I did have a few close friends that got me through and helped me to survive things like the gym teacher who thought his job was to toughen up the boys in his charge for Vietnam (although he personally didn't see any need to put his ass on the line).

I can't help but wonder if S'ter had an intuition of what lay ahead for me. Somehow, she didn't discover I was off to join the infidels till after eighth-grade graduation when she was wishing us goodbye and good luck.

She was shocked, and had tears in her eyes, when she found out what my plans were. I was shocked that this aloof, cold, taskmaster apparently gave a damn about me. Go figure. Poppa loves you.

Have an OK day. 
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Your friendly neighborhood crank is not crazy about social media (I am a crank after all) but if you must, you can follow me on Facebook. I post weekly column announcements as well as things I find on the web that reflect where I'm coming from.

©2019 Mark Mehlmauer

[I haven't got around to figuring out the official way to do this yet... but as of 12.15.18 I'm offering up my humble scribbles under a Creative Commons License. That is to say, Anyone may republish my columns anywhere -- as long as they don't alter them and as long as they credit me (Mark Mehlmauer) as the author, and, link to my website, The Flyoverland Crank.]