This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they become grups or I'm deleted.
Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing via tablet/monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.
Please Note: If ya click on an Amazon ad, thus opening a portal to Amazon, and buy anything, Lord Jeffrey will toss a few pence in my direction and you won't have to feel guilty about enjoying my work — well, hopefully — for free. Win/Win.
"I wonder which is more creepy: shopping at Amazon or using Facebook?"
-Harper Reed
Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),
[Clearly, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. Our reputation is on the line.]
Oh yeah? And what has led you to that conclusion?
[All the negative emails and comments we would be getting if we had more readers.]
I'm not sure that makes sense... Regardless, I disagree. Once, inevitably, we have so many readers that I'll need a personal assistant, it won't/wouldn't be a...
In fact, accidentally upsetting my many many readers is the sort of problem I'd like to have.
[You don't think that selling your soul to Lord Jeffrey is a big deal?]
I don't think I sold my soul. I think I'm a cagey but ethical writer and capitalist in search of a fair profit for both me and mine. Permit me to explain.
This column, what some philistines call a blog, is written and published via some free software called Blogger that is supplied by the Goog. Who enjoys attacking the soulless bas-tarrds that run the Goog — assuming that H. sapiens and not a machine are still in charge — more than I do?
[Bas-tarrds?]
Pronounce with a French accent, heavily accent the second syllable. Anyways, you have to appreciate the irony involved in attacking the Goog with software supplied by the Goog.
[What's that got to do with Amazon?]
I could also run the Goog's adverts, they're just as simple to set up. Install a bit of code and the Goog (or Lord Jeffrey) does the rest. This way I get to deny the Goog and myself a bit of revenue. My cup runneth over with smug self-righteousness.
[I repeat, what's that got to do with Amazon? What's that got to do with running Amazon advertisements?]
Having firmly established my ethical bona fides, I shall continue.
Regardless of whether or not Lord Jeffrey is a modern-day robber baron, as some people believe, not unlike my personal favorite robber baron, Andrew Carnegie, he does a lot of good for a lot of people just by being himself.
Andrew Carnegie provided thousands of jobs to the people of my hometown, Pittsburgh (with an h), Pennsylvania. More importantly, once he had his FU money he walked away from the game and spent the rest of life giving his money away.
I know a guy that spent a lot of his childhood reading free books borrowed from his local Carnegie Library and a good deal of his time wandering around the Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh. Unfortunately, he spent none of his time attending Carnegie Mellon University.
[Again, what's this got to do with Amazon? Lord Jeffry hasn't retired and isn't giving (much of) his money away.]
As it happens, I know more than one person who happily works for Amazon. I don't know anyone that works for the Goog. Lord Jeffrey has generated a ton of jobs out here in Flyoverland for my fellow Deplorables.
The Wokies, the Hilliam, the Goog and its minions, Uncle Joe, etcetero? — not so much.
[Well yeah, but what about the working conditions? Everybody says that...]
Everybody huh? Well, most working stiffs don't enjoy working their ass off, no matter who signs the paychecks.
However, any working stiff — with minimal skills to bring to the table — that lives in the real world and has real bills to pay and real kids to feed is grateful for steady work at a fair wage determined by the market and not some well-meaning Wokie unaware of the downsides of an economy run by central planners.
Listen, I've got a problem with Lord Jeff, and no shortage of other gazillionaires and their well-compensated minions, who don social justice cloaks while gleefully "disrupting" entire industries for fun and profit.
Is it too much to ask that they devote more of their vaunted energy and brainpower to considering what to do about all the disrupted former employees and disruption destroyed businesses? Not only by them but by the "mostly peaceful protestors" they often support, or have nothing to say about?
The Citizens of the Republic need more than giant container ships stuffed full of stuff made by Emperor Xi's subjects for all of us to survive and thrive.
That said...
Given that I crank out one of these at least vaguely clever and amusing little essays weekly and not only don't copyright 'em but encourage the world to pass 'em around and republish them wherever they please, I don't have a problem with pointing out to people that if they do their Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to Amazon so they don't have to feel guilty about reading my work for free and not buying me a coffee while simultaneously supporting the small American businesses that operate under the Amazon umbrella as well as the thousands of my fellow Deplorables that work for Amazon — particularly the ones I know personally, some of whom I'm related to, and one of whom resides in my fortified compound, Casa de Chaos.
Now that's a sentence!
THIS JUST IN! It was brought to my attention that my Amazon ads were not showing up via whatever medium a particular reader was accessing my column. Lord Jeffry assures me that his minions have made sure they are appearing on both the desktop and mobile editions. You will not see 'em if you subscribed to have them sent to you by email.
Have an OK day
Share this column, give me a thumb (up or in my eye), and/or access older columns below. If my work pleases you you can buy me some cheap coffee with PayPal or plastic.
If you do your Amazon shopping by using one of my Amazon ads as a portal to access Amazon, Lord Jeffrey will toss me a few pence if you buy anything.
Cranky don't tweet.
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Don't demonize, compromise