The History of the World, Vol. 4

The invention of the USA: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  

Or...

The natural state of man, excuse me, the natural state of male and female H. sapiens, is that though we’re all unique in how we look, how smart we are, and what innate talents we have, nobody is born automatically better than anyone else. We are entitled to live as long as biology and fate permit, we’re free to pursue our own path and discover what it is that will keep getting us out of bed in the morning until we can’t (or won’t) get out of bed in the morning. I maintain that this is obvious (self-evident) to any more or less well-adjusted kid on the playground. I also maintain that this is obvious to any emotionally healthy, clear thinking grownup. I maintain that any well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) king, cleric, or bully (even politically correct bullies) that maintains otherwise is delusional and needs to be dealt with appropriately.

Obvious?

Yup. Well, sorta/kinda. It’s obvious to those of us that have grown up fortunate enough to take the concept for granted. The, um, traditional way was the way of the alpha male. A method of social organization still in vogue in more than a few places. We’re hard-wired to function that way and when the excrement hits the air conditioning we’re often rudely reminded of that fact.    

We have two choices. The traditional way -- the way of the alpha male, the way of the bully, the way of the king, the way of the high priest -- or the way of the (at least superficially) rational person. Rational people employ reason. Wikipedia: “Reason is the capacity for consciously making sense of things, applying logic, establishing and verifying facts, and changing or justifying practices, institutions and beliefs based on new or existing information.”  

And yes, I used the word superficially. Rationality is a buggy, crash-prone app still in beta testing. For the dead white males that invented the USA, fortunately for us, reason was a thing, a very big thing. We got lucky. They were the 1% of their day, but back in their particular day, something that came to be called the Age of Enlightenment was rockin’ the world. A new meme was going around.

If you decided that the traditional way of doing things only worked well for a very small group of people and you could rewrite the rules, using reason, to set up a new system that benefited everyone equally (at least in theory), what would you do?

What they did, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, was set up the USA. The wailing and gnashing continued, and continues, as it should in a democracy. Fortunately, the new system includes built-in mechanisms to fix and/or change what the people decide needs fixed and/or changed. It ain’t easy to change, and it shouldn’t be, considering how thin the veneer of rationality is.            

Emotionally healthy, clear thinking grownups realize they’re not the only kid on the playground and that just enough rules are necessary to ensure everyone has fun but has to share the equipment and that bullies are not allowed. This is called government and it requires that a few conditions be met in order that the people remain as free as realistically possible. First, we the governed, get to decide what the rules are. Second, the rules should be as few in number as possible so that individuals remain as free as possible.Third, great care must be taken to avoid the potentially huge, honking, downside of democracy, the tyranny of the majority.

If a majority of the kids on the playground get together to ban little Timmy from the premises just because of his unfortunate tendency to pick his nose, even  though he’s not breaking any rules, a grownup (the rule of law) must step in to protect not only Timmy’s right to be there but also make sure he isn’t bullied. This is the why and what of the U.S. constitution. It’s called the American experiment because no one else in history had managed to pull off anything quite like it and many thought we wouldn’t either. Some still don’t, and there’s no guarantee that it will ultimately end well.

Now, just because we’re lucky enough to have been born into the species that sits at the top of the food chain, in the most prosperous nation the world has seen (so far at least) we still live in a dangerous, hostile world that guarantees nothing but our eventual death. It’s up to us to come up with food, clothing, and shelter and defend ourselves from those that want to kill us for fun and/or profit.

I once heard a nurse that was the head of some organization or another declaring with passion and conviction that, “Healthcare is a right!” in a radio interview.

No, it’s not.

Life, freedom, and the pursuit of whatever it is that keeps us getting out of bed are the fundamental rights everyone obviously should get. But even these natural, fundamental rights are a reality, not just a potential reality, only for those fortunate enough to be born into a culture that acknowledges and defends them. You may have noticed there’s no shortage of thugs that look at things a bit differently. Everything else that you think you’re entitled to depends on what you and/or your fellow citizens are prepared to work your bums off for. If you don’t believe this, try performing the following experiment.

Have yourself stranded on a desert island without a crew from a reality television show. Raise your fist to the sky and DEMAND! food, clothing, shelter (and healthcare), then wait and see what happens. Oh, and make sure you don’t let your situational awareness chops get rusty while you’re waiting because mother nature is notoriously oblivious to our rights. Like any good mom, if she has a favorite, she’s keeping it to herself, and, she doesn’t seem to lose any sleep when her kids eat each other to stay alive.

Oh, and please note that you don’t even have to ask nicely for life (however temporary), liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Self-evidently, unless Gilligan and company show up and turn out to be evil, drug-addled crazies (which would explain a lot), you’re about as free as you can be within the physical limitations of life on Earth. And unless one or more  of the zany castaways has brought a trunk full of meth, you could stay as free as possible (all things considered) simply by agreeing respect each others unalienable rights. Next, on to the original Mr. Smith.

Have an OK day.

©2016 Mark Mehlmauer


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Cognitive Bias

Not long ago I wrote a column about the work of Dr. Jonathan Haidt, social psychologist, that included a link to a video interview (1). The subject of the column, and the interview, was Mr. Haidt's take on why Depublicans and Republicrats, conservatives and liberals, sheesh, everyone, have become so polarized.

It's occurred to me that I didn't make mention of one of Mr. Haidt's observations that I find to be not only true but also particularly important. It conveniently confirms my position that the Information Age has a huge, honking downside, its alter ego so to speak, the Dizzinformation Age, that was the subject of another fairly recent column. So, that must mean I was right, right?

(GRIN)

Cognitive bias is a widely documented and accepted phenomenon by psychologists that simply refers to the fact that when we take in information we're more likely to process it subjectively than objectively. This is what I've dubbed gut first, brain later (GFBL). Most of the time we're not the highly rational creatures we imagine ourselves to be and that we tend to react to information, at least at first, in a biased way. We may or may not change our minds when/if we step back and at least try to decide what's what, objectively speaking.

Scholarly studies aside, this seems like common sense to me. For example, I don't know about you but I know that I have a strong tendency to form opinions about others within moments of meeting them that I can't justify rationally. I quickly label and classify them in spite of the fact that I resent it when I'm aware of someone else doing the same thing to me. And, of course, in spite of the fact that I'm um, occasionally wrong when I do it. It would seem that first impressions are indeed as important as often claimed.

I take solace from the fact that this sort of thing makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. I, your dilettante about town, know that science explains our innate biases as a survival mechanism. When wandering around the jungle, hunting and gathering lunch, you and the gang have a better chance of not being hunted and gathered by someone or something else if you're wired to react quickly to the snap of a twig rather than to stop and call a committee meeting to discuss its ramifications.

Mr. Haidt points out that the internet is the most effective tool for the promotion of cognitive bias ever invented.

For example, if I google the question, "Do bigfeet exist?' I will be supplied (after being asked if I meant to say bigfoot, so many things to fix once I'm king...) in short order with the answer. Yes, definitely, and no, definitely not. Take your pick.


Now -- keep in mind the power of cognitive bias due to its long history as a successful survival strategery.

Also --  keep in mind that it's been scientifically demonstrated why it's so difficult to change someone's mind, which requires an entire column or for you to go a-googling. (I refuse to go into it any further just now as I hold this is self-evident to anyone that interacts with anyone, that is, everyone.)

Also -- you've no doubt noticed there's no point in arguing with a conspiratorially-minded person (except for fun) because they will shrug off your alleged facts as being just the bonkercockie THEY want you to believe.

Which is why --  I maintain most people will click on the links that look like they will supply the answer that they wanted in the first place.

Furthermore -- if they don't find what they were hoping to find in the first place, they will keep clicking till they do, or, give up in disgust and try to forget about it. Not you and me of course, but most people.


Haidt points out that the internet, our Information Machine (can I get a shout out for Mr. Peabody and the WABAC machine?), makes it possible to "prove" anything. In spite of the fact we have access to vastly more information (and here's more, and here's some more...) than at any time in human history, more info can, but doesn't necessarily, solve a given problem/question/argument. In fact, it can make things worse via bias confirmation. We can easily find what we want to find (and here's some more.)

Walk with me, talk with me. Let's take a brief detour down Digression Ave., we'll be back in just a sec'.


The phrase, "90% of world's data generated over last two years", or something like it, can be found all over the internet. Consistent with my stated mission, to provide enlightened infotainment, I went a-googling to try and discover the source of this information about information. According to sciencedaily.com ("Your source for the latest research news") this factoid can be attributed to a research/development entity called SINTEF (.no) -- "Applied Research, Technology and Innovation" -- as of 5.22.13.

At this point, I could've kept going and tried to discover yet more information about how fast information is accumulating but -- I have a life, I'm a dilettante, and I'm certain (as I'm sure you are) that I would find no shortage of contradictory information about information.

However, ya' gotta love the irony. I went looking for information about a commonly used alleged factoid about information and discovered that the two-year window schtick that I keep running into was posited three years ago. So for all we know, two years may now be two months, or two days. If I went  looking for more up to date statistics they would probably be out of date, and disputed, before I finished writing this column.


And we're back! What have we learned, Dorothies?

Relatively easy access to the Information Machine has and will continue to change the world at light speed in wonderful/awful ways. But, some things will never change. We need to cultivate an open mind, we need to commit to at least trying to find out what the truth actually is, not just what we would like it to be. We need to find the fine line between compromise and selling out/walking out. This is an attitude which would also give us more families with both a mom and a dad on site but that's not what this column is about so I won't bring it up.

Have an OK day.

© 2016 Mark Mehlmauer

(1) Jonathan Haidt Explains Our Contentious Culture

The History of the World (Part Three)

In our last episode, we covered the history of the world from the invention of agriculture to the year 1776. In 1776 the world caught a major break.

In Great Britain's North American colonies a bunch of folks got together and invented the United States of America. In Scotland, Adam Smith published The Wealth of Nations, invented modern economics, and taught the world how free markets would eventually lead to the need for a weight loss industry. These two events occurred while the industrial revolution was picking up steam.  A trifecta!  

Sound of screeching tires in a panic stop. I must here throw in a few paragraphs from the Reality Checks, Caveats & Premises department before proceeding. First, the three events mentioned in the previous paragraph didn’t happen by magic. The Greeks dabbled in democracy, the Romans ran a republic (sorta/kinda), the English managed to make a Magna Carta, etc. Mr. Smith wasn’t the first person to consider how economies worked and we had obviously been producing and selling stuff to each other for thousands of years before the industrial revolution came along and we got really, really good at it. But the trifecta served to usher in the modern world and made it possible for so many of us to become the spoiled, whiny, overfed ingrates of the first world and inspire the lean and downtrodden third world to aspire to someday have their own obesity epidemics.   

Second, in my semi-humble opinion, the American experiment can be defined by quoting the most important passage of the Declaration of Independence. “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” If you accept that statement as a fundamental given (whether or not you believe in a creator), perhaps the most fundamental of givens… Well, If you don’t accept that statement, I fear it’s time for us to go our separate ways, you can have the dog but I’m keeping most of the DVDs.

And third, (still here?) I freely acknowledge that the next sentence in the declaration could have been, “Assuming, of course, that you are caucasian and male.” That was undeniably the way America worked at the time and it was undeniably flawed. However, it was the local version of how much of the world worked at the time, a version of reality that lives on in not a few places. Sexism and racism are unfortunately not rare phenomena. However, I maintain that some dramatic progress has been made in the last 250 years or so, particularly when compared to however many gazillions of years it was considered normal for a given caveman to club a cutie down at the waterhole to keep his cave clean while he and the boys raided other tribes for booty and slaves.

When my mom and dad got together, roughly 75 years ago (chronologically speaking a drop in the bucket), they believed that a man’s job was to bring home the bacon and a woman’s job was to be a domestic engineer. Period. In light of the way many folks look at things today, including me, they were wrong. I’m inclined to not only forgive them, but to also say thanks. They weren’t evil, and incidentally, they were part of the generation that survived the Great Depression and won World War Two. While they were busy saving the world they didn’t know that the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow would be an era of unprecedented prosperity for the USA, the one that lasted from just after WW2 to the late 1970s. Things started getting weird after that, which I’ll get into later.

Finally, let us acknowledge the elephant skulking in the corner of the room. Homo sapiens will be Homo sapiens. While I’m profoundly grateful for the dumb luck of being a product of, and living in, a country that’s a product of Western civilization, I’m slightly smarter than I look. My gratitude is based on two things. Although I think Western civilization in general, and the USA in particular, is the best we’ve done so far, both are as flawed and imperfect as the H. sapiens that somehow came up with them. Therefore a -- We’re number one! We’re number one! -- overheated sports fan attitude can be as tacky as wearing socks with sandals. Let us be quietly smug. The coolest kid doesn’t have to tell people he’s cool, that’s part of his, um, coolness.  Also, an economic implosion here, an epidemic there, a bus-sized meteorite over there and the Dark Ages Digest will experience a sudden, dramatic increase in circulation.

Have an OK day.

[Dana, perpetually grumpy imaginary gentlereader, speaks. Wait just a minute, Sparky! yer gonna stop there? Posit that 1776 marked some sort of global game changer, then insert a "caveat" (whatever the hell that is) and then leave off? Marie-Louise (my drop dead gorgeous muse, who has finally returned from Quebec) is looking at me dubiously.]

Well, I'm running low on words. Think of it as a cliffhanger. Cliffhangers are cool, right?

[No, they're not, they're annoying. Who do you think you are, James (short, breathless chapters ending often as not with a cliffhanger) Patterson?]

Well, he is a best-selling author, and a gazillionaire.

[This ain't no suspense novel! It's a weekly column...

... With mini-posts on Tuesday and Thursday now, don't forget!

[Bonkercockie! exclaims Marie-Louise with a French accent (Bon-care-cok-E!). I'm going back to Quebec! She storms out of the room. Dana and I stare at each other in stunned silence -- for half a second.

Now look what you've done! Now look what you've done! Yikes! simultaneous exclamations. We're degenerating into a second-rate sitcom. I gotta go. Marie! I'm sorry! Come back, baby!]

© 2016 Mark Mehlmauer 

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Mark Mehlmauer For President

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This paragraph was added at the last minute due to recent developments. The third paragraph below was originally the first paragraph of this column. The title of this column was supposed to be Gary Johnson for president, however, I was made aware only a few hours ago that he recently shot himself in the foot on MSNBC. No, not the forgivable Aleppo brain fart, it was more of the nature of the Howard Dean scream. A campaign crushing, world class, cringe-inducing faux pas of the highest order. To quote the immortal Forest Gump, "And that's all I have to say about that."

Well, almost. I've read somewhere that the dude or dudette that doesn't want to be the boss often would be a better boss than someone who does. Harry Truman comes to mind. Since Mr. Truman is dead I'm going to reluctantly volunteer for the job of POTUS. No one could possibly want this job less than I. As regular readers know I'd much rather be a benevolent king, but that's a whole other story. Please feel free to write in your own name, hell, anyone's name.

I am (fortunately/unfortunately) old enough to not only be a fan of my current favorite smarmy reality show, The Hilliam (starring Hillary and William Clinton) v. The Donald, I was around when The Hilliam's predecessor, The Billary (starring Bill and Hillary Clinton) became world (in)famous.

When I was working out the who/what/when/where/why of this column I planned on including two links, one for The Hilliam, one for The Donald. Each would connect my gentlereaders to an article that provided a concise list of the more interesting legal/cultural/moral depredations of the stars of both shows. There are many to choose from, articles as well as depredations

But I'll spare you since I'm sure most of you, even the ones not all that interested in politics, are starting to feel as though the current election cycle is similar to a lavishly funded marketing campaign for a new movie. That is, there's been so much advertising (news media coverage) for so long that you think the movie is already playing (that the election is next Tuesday).

As everyone knows, the more heavily the movie is promoted, the better the chances it will suck sweaty socks.

Instead, permit me to briefly summarize my feelings, starting with the Hilliam. The Hilliam, whose sleazy behavior in Arkansas foreshadowed their ascent to the national stage, will go down in history as an ethically challenged power couple who, though they were linked to one scandal after another, one blatant lie after another -- always got away with it.

Well, so far at least. When dealing with the Hilliam there's always the potential for yet another other shoe to drop.

Which is a shame considering that Mr. Clinton, who will always be famous for molesting a child in the White House and then, with his spouse's support, to avoid taking responsibility for his actions began lying his bum off, and then lying his bum off about lying his bum off -- wasn't a half bad president. He understood the quaint notion that in a democracy compromise is the alternative to gridlock and hyper-partisanship.

They also are self-made multi-millionaires who managed go from virtually nothing to a net worth of better than $100,000,000 bucks once they went national. All without ever producing a tangible product, unless you count influence peddling and bonkercockie.

Quick question, don't think about it, just answer. What has been Mrs. Clinton's number one accomplishment since stepping onto the national stage? Not new job, accomplishment. Times up. She's the political version of the Kardashians, famous, primarily, for being famous.

Which brings us to the Donald, this master showman, this P.T. Barnum of the new millennium.

I've been aware of the Donald for even longer than I've been aware of the Hilliam, but to be honest, I never paid much attention. I vaguely remember leafing through a friend's copy of, "The Art of the Deal" in the late 80's and being baffled by its popularity. I didn't think there was much there, there and, that boy, this guy really likes himself.

Since then, he's turned up regularly somewhere in the media and then starred in, "The Apprentice." I didn't think there was much there, there and, that boy, this guy really likes himself.

I admit that until recently I never paid much attention to him, and that it's at least partly a personality thing. I'm a follower of the strong, silent type school of manly deportment, a school currently having trouble attracting students.

So, what happens when a culture's consensus starts unraveling in the midst of rapid, economically disrupting technological change as the denizens of the planet Earth are being linked together like never before?

Donald J. Trump. Daddy's home!

"Hey, I'm rich ain't I! I'm sick of all the B.S. about the endless lawsuits, the trophy wives, the bankruptcies and business practices that left hundreds of small businesses holding the bag. Enough already about the name calling and endlessly shifting positions, that's what works! The folks want a talking mirror that'll tell 'em what they want to hear. I do what works because I'm a winner, and America loves a winner! Don't worry, daddy's gonna' fix everything, and it's gonna' be bigger and better than ever before!"

But daddy, how are...

"Daddy's a winner! I can fix anything, that's what a winner does. I'm rich ain't I? Give me a shot and I'll make everyone a winner. What else ya' gonna do? Hey, everyone knows you can't trust most of the news media, most of 'em got an agenda and besides, infotainment rules, I don't blame 'em, that's where the money is. What are you gonna' do? You got the time, or the smarts, to study economics and politics and boring crap like that? It's football season! Trust me, I'm rich ain't I?"

The Wizard of Ozz v. the Wicked Witch of the Northeast.

God bless/help? us, every-one.

Have an OK day.

©Mark Mehlmauer 2016

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The History of the World (Part Two)

  The History of the World

(The Flyoverland Crank Version)

Part Two

In our last episode, we covered the period of time stretching from the Big Bang (Bigus Bangus) to the invention of agriculture (the Burgeriniumbun Finalae era) to Mesopotamia, where history really got cooking.

Next, depending on how you look at it, an awful lot of history happened, or, a few things happened over and over again and once in a great, great while something really cool happened. Kind of like the life of the modern day average Joe/Joan Bagadonuts, but much more violent.

They attacked us or we attacked them in the name of cash, conquest, revenge, God, the gods, hunger, honor, slaves et cetera. Fortunately, God was on our side or it would have been even worse.  As Thomas Hobbes pointed out, life is indeed, “...solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.”  Mr. H. was arguing that this is the natural state of man (he was right) and that’s why we need an all-powerful ruler to keep us on the straight and narrow (he was wrong, but we do need some form of gubmint). That way we can direct our energies to defend our playground and/or slaughtering them instead of each other.  

Once in awhile, peace would break out but Mother Nature provides us with a way to stave off boredom and complacency, natural disasters and disease. For example, say King Bob is sitting in the privy waiting for nature to take it’s course and his mind starts to wander because the only copy of The Dark Ages Digest at hand is more than a year old. He’s been giving a lot of thought to attacking a kingdom just down the road because he’s got his fair share of bloodthirsty warriors and greedy nobles to keep happy and if he doesn’t keep them busy they may turn on him or each other for entertainment and booty.

He’s been through that before and knows that even if he and his allies triumph, invariably lots of innocent serfs, peasants and slaves are slaughtered. Collateral damage, sure. But since they're the ones that do all the heavy lifting and since most of the population live out their lives at this level and die by the time they’re 30, you need to be blessed with a good inventory to dodge some significant downsides. He’s still short of  virtual slaves, actual slaves and cash from last season, not one of his better ones, and short of potential solutions as well. Things are so bad he’s considering hiring one of those expensive consultants his buddy King Steve favors. He’s heard good things about  a firm called DPD, Diabolical Plots by the Dozen, founded incidentally, by a distant ancestor of Vladimir Putin.

His ruminations are interrupted by a hysterical minion pounding on the door and screaming, “Your majesty, your majesty there are reports of plague (or flood, or fire, or hairy weather, or insects, or blight, or famine, etc.) in the kingdom!” This solves the problem, short term at least. Now, everyone's job one becomes survival. Assuming this isn’t an apocalyptical level crisis and assuming that King Bob is one of the survivors, he can deal with his other problem later.

This is how things rolled most days in most places. Why? Well, it’s either because we’re naked apes living in a dangerous world, or, someone screwed up the paradise we were provided with by God and he’s still mad (details depend on which creation myth you subscribe to). It wasn’t all bad though. Once in awhile Joe or Joan B. was fortunate enough to have an actual boring day. Also, as mentioned above, once in a great, great while, something truly cool happened.

Somebody came up with the wheel, someone perfected bronze, then iron came along, the printing press was invented, Mr. and Mrs. Vermeer had a baby - that sort of thing. Being the clever creatures that we are we even came up with all sorts of ways to use these breakthroughs for things other than killing each other. If you’re religious, an entity or their messenger(s) may have stopped by to light the path to paradise. This phenomenon continues apace, right up to this very moment. These days the entities and/or their messengers may be politicians, pundits, environmentalists, etc. The field has broadened considerably. Being a much more sophisticated creature than our ancestors, we may even seek to strive for seemingly unrelated utopian goals via the same person or movement. We are the ones we have been waiting for! Indeed.

And then, in 1776, the planet Earth finally caught a break.

To be continued...

Have an OK day.

©Mark Mehlmauer 2016

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Reading My Columns Will Extend Your Life (Source: Yale University)

It's official, researchers at Yale University have determined that people who spend at least a half hour per day reading my column (oh, and other stuff) will live longer.

Now, if you were to read my stuff for at least a half hour per day you would run out of fresh material fairly quickly since I've only been at this for a little better than a year. However, there's no need to read my stuff over and over again, anxiously waiting for each new weekly column to be published. Or, even to hope that I write another looong essay, or produce some new chapters for my great not too shabby American novel.

By the way, the looong essay, the introduction and first three chapters of my novel, as well as other material, are all available at The Flyoverland Crank (.com). While you're probably reading this via my website, I have readers that access my weekly column by other methods -- so no smarty-pants, I'm not losing it.

[What I am doing is engaging in some shameless self-promotion. And, making history, because I've never included a link within the text of one of my columns. And, I ask you, how often are you going to read something on the web that links to itself? I think it's cool -- I apologize if you don't. And, it's test of a technical question I have, I'll spare you the details. And, at the very least, you gotta admit, considering all that this one paragraph accomplishes, that I'm doing my part to combat the problem of stagnating American productivity. And, you may not have even been aware of the fact that stagnating American productivity is a thing, but now you are, which makes me that much more productive. I'll stop now.]

Where was I, oh, fortunately for you, there are several other people loose in the world that write on a fairly regular basis. Also, there's a bunch of dead people that no longer write, but who wrote stuff going back, oh, I don't know how long.

It gets better. People who read actual books, for at least 3.5 hours per week live, on average, almost two full years longer than those who don't. The bad news is that the number of people that do read actual books is in decline. The good news is that the non-readers now have a new reason/motivation to start reading. (396)

The best news is that those of us who are voracious readers, regardless of what we're into, have another reason to feel smugly superior to non-readers, although I don't encourage this, at least not officially. We are polarized/fragmented/factionalized enough. We readers should be humbly smug, for there are hoopleheads even in our ranks. Hoopleheads are everywhere, and we humblysmugs, like everyone else, must be forever vigilant. (472)

[Wait a minute sez Dana, my imaginary gentlereader, who just woke up from a nap (Marie-Louise is visiting friends in Quebec), the Yale researchers studied readers in general, and this had nothing to do with you in particular. You can't go around...]

Sure I can. My very first sentence ("oh, and other stuff") gives away the humbug (see Barnum, P.T.), my ethics are sound. There is no shortage of popular and mainstream websites, including those of what passes for the news media these days, that do the same thing. And the Drudge Report, for example, has refined this particular humbug to an art form, and is wildly successful.

I'd like to be widely successful, but the important thing is that your dilettante about town has just provided you with yet more proof that we live in the Dizzinformation Age. (Sheesh, can I get any more productive?)

I realize that I risk alienating at least some of my gentlereaders due to my oft-repeated references to a phenomenon that I've named the Dizzinformation Age, but I'm on a mission from God (see Blues, Elwood). Dizzinformation Syndrome (DS): dizzy from too much information -- correct, incorrect, or worst of all, contradictory. Also, I must add, deceptive. Deliberately twisting the data in question to deceive the reader (for a humbug, maliciously, or something in between) and/or to secure additional clicks. (686)

Which brings us The Hilliam, The Donald, Mr. Obama, and sadly, the FBI, all of whom are
masters of dizzinformation.

[What!]

Patience. I began this piece by deliberately positing some dizzinformation. The Hilliam have become rich and successful by combining a lawyer's sensibility with masterful dizzinformation and have been refining their techniques for decades. Here's a clip from a mind movie, or at least an old fashion radio drama for ya'. From, "Bill and Hill Have 'The Talk' with Chelsey."

Bill (Southern drawl with a touch of vocal fry) -  "The most important element of the game is that no matter how sleazy the behavior, your actions must be technically legal. When I slipped up it cost me mah law license. Fortunately, it didn't even slow us down (chuckles). But, you gotta' be careful if ya' wanna stay out jail, baby."

Hillary (Accent depends on current geographical location, always stop just short of this side of shrill/harpy)  "Second, relentless dizzinformation. Spin and flip-flop. Try to shade the truth rather than lie outright. Contradict past statements and/or behavior. Stick to the current talking points and order your posse to do the same. Always remember the news media mostly tilts in our direction and will usually spin things our way, but if you go too far they might turn on you. It's not because they're about to let truth or objectivity get in the way of pushing their agenda. This even applies to their mortal enemy, The Trump Network, otherwise known as Fox News. Infotainment rules -- ratings, circulation, and profits -- rule. So don't take it personally sweetie.

The bottom line is, you want to drown the public in contradictory info; this helps you to speak directly to their emotions and cognitive biases and bypass their intellects, honey."

I'm sure you can imagine The Donald having a similar conversation with his kids. Even the FBI, who's sorry about all that character assassination, and the other shady sh... , uh shtuff that they used to dabble in (it was J. Edgar's fault) and would like us to believe that they now embody the Efrem Zimbalist Jr. version of federal law enforcement play the Dizzinformation card. Which is why they released the heavily redacted notes of their recent interview of The Hilliam on a Friday afternoon. At three o'clock. As the nation was trying to sneak out of work early. For the Labor Day holiday weekend. (1024)

[Note: The numbers in parentheses at the ends of some of the above paragraphs are word totals (approximate) that are there to demonstrate to potential syndicators/publishers that I'm aware that I'm a bit windy and that I know they mostly prefer shorter columns to accommodate H. Sapiens rapidly declining attention spans, my gentlereaders excepted. I'd much prefer for my shtuff to be the sort of thing that's read on a lazy week-END (pronounce with a British accent). However, I can be bought. 

Please note that this column could end at any of these demarcated points and still make sense.]

Have an OK day.

©Mark Mehlmauer 2016

If you access my column via my website, you can like, react, leave a comment or share -- please scroll down. 

Mobile gentlereaders, if I've pleased you, there's additional content to be found via laptop, tablet, and desktop.    

The History of the World (Part One)

The History of the World
(The Flyoverland Crank Version)
Part One

This is the first chapter of a multi-part series that I will publish every other week or so, starting this week

The universe we inhabit appeared 13.82 billion years ago on a Tuesday. A single, unimaginably dense point began expanding and a lot of complex stuff happened and continues to happen. Now, the most interesting thing that resulted, from an Earthlings perspective, is that 4.54 billion years ago, the Earth appeared. The Earth is the result of some of the complex stuff that happened and continues to happen. At some point this complex stuff produced man.

Or… to one degree or another, everything mentioned in the preceding paragraph, as well as what follows, happened because God decided when and if it should be so. The details depend on your personal belief. I know some very nice, perfectly normal people that believe what I consider to be some very strange things (of course I’m not talking about your beliefs). I freely concede that one of them may turn out to be right and that I may be wrong. I’m wrong with disturbing regularity so I try to keep an open mind. I highly recommend this approach as I’ve found it to be the only effective defense against blind panic when a high-velocity radioactive fact comes crashing through the roof of my thought structure like a meteorite, and lands in the chair I just got out of to answer the phone. The meteorite analogy is a paraphrase of a bit of a Marc Cohn song, “Live Out the String.”  

Regardless, man gradually learned to use tools. Also fire: For warmth, light, and most importantly (in my semi-humble opinion) cooking. Personally, although I’m an enthusiastic carnivore, I’ve never cared for the taste of raw meat. Along the way the attributes and technology that distinguish us from the other animals on the planet such as language, art, religion, the wheel, etc. developed.

Agriculture came along roughly 12,000 years ago and changed everything.

Our ancestors had been hunters/gatherers for eons. Since grocery stores hadn’t been invented yet everyone had the same job -- killing something or harvesting something that nature had randomly produced -- to keep from starving to death. Now, on a good day, this wasn’t a half bad way to make a living. If you, or you and the gang (odds are you belonged to some sort of tribe or odds are you would be dead) managed to find something to kill and eat without getting killed and eaten in the process and/or stumbled onto an apple tree full of ripe apples early in day, why, you could go home early!  Assuming you had found enough food you were free for the rest of the day. Of course, this could be quite boring because there wasn’t a lot to do since they had neither cable or computers, not even smartphones. This was why sex was invented. I refer to sex as practiced by homo sapiens, which tends to be a somewhat frequent and obsessive activity as compared to most other animals.

Anyway, various someone's at various locations gradually figured out how to plant and nurture crops as well as domesticate animals. While this required a lot more work than hunting and gathering it was a somewhat more reliable way to keep from starving to death or from becoming some other species lunch. Also, there are a few scientists, and some evidence, that suggest getting high was a significant motivation as well. Turning grains into beer is easier than turning them into food, and beer was just as popular then as it is now, even without clever commercials -- please drink responsibly. Eventually, we got good enough at this agriculture thing to produce more food than was absolutely needed for the gang to just scrape by. This made it possible to settle down instead of wandering all over the place looking for enough calories to keep body and soul together.

Man, by nature and necessity, is a social animal. It takes quite a few years before we reach maturity so we’re dependent on our parents ( a mom and a dad if we’re lucky) much longer than the average creature. Also, survival is considerably easier and our lives are  potentially much more pleasant when we work together. For example, everyone knows that bringing down a wooly mammoth with the tribes' help is much easier and more efficient than trying to do it yourself. That’s why most people naturally prefer to hang out or at least affiliate with a clique of some sort, it’s a  survival mechanism. Getting along with the inhabitants of the other huts on the block not only promotes regular meals and security, it enables you to get your fair share of woolyburgers without having to slay the neighbors.

Social cohesion increased the likelihood, and quality of, survival. Having to share the playground with the other kids is where morality (the rules) come from. Please see, The Righteous Mind, by Jonathan Haidt.

And somebody came up with monogamy. I’m guessing it was ancient history's version of Dear Abby. Under this system, everyone got to have sex, not just the alpha males and their harems. If all the dudes could count on access to, um, companionship, it made the cooperation needed for the hunt less prone to social drama. The dudettes could count on access to, um, companionship, and protection for the kids. This arrangement was/is disproportionately beneficial for dudes. Dudes need their significant dudette to be, among other things, a good mom, a good wife, and often as not, willing and able to work outside the home. This is necessary to counter a given dude's natural tendency to rapidly devolve into a naked ape when left to his own devices.      

   

We figured all this out long before agriculture made villages not only possible but necessary and humans began clawing their way to the top of the food chain (the original corporate ladder). When we reached the point where we could produce more food than we needed it was only natural that folks began to specialize. Most remained farmers, but surplus food made it possible for some people that had abilities that benefited the community to do their thing without having to farm. A relatively reliable supply of food and water (and/or beer) leads to increased populations. If enough people can produce enough food to keep themselves alive and have enough left over to feed specialists such as craftspersons, cops, kings etc. -- well, before you know it, a village becomes a town becomes a city becomes a civilization. The rest is history. History began in Mesopotamia, an area that corresponds roughly to greater modern day Iraq, that fertile crescent thing that gets so much press. Ain’t that ironical in light of recent events. This happened about 3,500 BCE. To be continued.

Have an OK day.

©Mark Mehlmauer 2016

If you access my column via my website, you can like, react, leave a comment or share -- please scroll down. 

Mobile gentlereaders, if I've pleased you, there's additional content to be found via laptop, tablet, and desktop.