Saturday, September 24, 2016

Mark Mehlmauer For President

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This paragraph was added at the last minute due to recent developments. The third paragraph below was originally the first paragraph of this column. The title of this column was supposed to be Gary Johnson for president, however, I was made aware only a few hours ago that he recently shot himself in the foot on MSNBC. No, not the forgivable Aleppo brain fart, it was more of the nature of the Howard Dean scream. A campaign crushing, world class, cringe-inducing faux pas of the highest order. To quote the immortal Forest Gump, "And that's all I have to say about that."

Well, almost. I've read somewhere that the dude or dudette that doesn't want to be the boss often would be a better boss than someone who does. Harry Truman comes to mind. Since Mr. Truman is dead I'm going to reluctantly volunteer for the job of POTUS. No one could possibly want this job less than I. As regular readers know I'd much rather be a benevolent king, but that's a whole other story. Please feel free to write in your own name, hell, anyone's name.

I am (fortunately/unfortunately) old enough to not only be a fan of my current favorite smarmy reality show, The Hilliam (starring Hillary and William Clinton) v. The Donald, I was around when The Hilliam's predecessor, The Billary (starring Bill and Hillary Clinton) became world (in)famous.

When I was working out the who/what/when/where/why of this column I planned on including two links, one for The Hilliam, one for The Donald. Each would connect my gentlereaders to an article that provided a concise list of the more interesting legal/cultural/moral depredations of the stars of both shows. There are many to choose from, articles as well as depredations

But I'll spare you since I'm sure most of you, even the ones not all that interested in politics, are starting to feel as though the current election cycle is similar to a lavishly funded marketing campaign for a new movie. That is, there's been so much advertising (news media coverage) for so long that you think the movie is already playing (that the election is next Tuesday).

As everyone knows, the more heavily the movie is promoted, the better the chances it will suck sweaty socks.

Instead, permit me to briefly summarize my feelings, starting with the Hilliam. The Hilliam, whose sleazy behavior in Arkansas foreshadowed their ascent to the national stage, will go down in history as an ethically challenged power couple who, though they were linked to one scandal after another, one blatant lie after another -- always got away with it.

Well, so far at least. When dealing with the Hilliam there's always the potential for yet another other shoe to drop.

Which is a shame considering that Mr. Clinton, who will always be famous for molesting a child in the White House and then, with his spouse's support, to avoid taking responsibility for his actions began lying his bum off, and then lying his bum off about lying his bum off -- wasn't a half bad president. He understood the quaint notion that in a democracy compromise is the alternative to gridlock and hyper-partisanship.

They also are self-made multi-millionaires who managed go from virtually nothing to a net worth of better than $100,000,000 bucks once they went national. All without ever producing a tangible product, unless you count influence peddling and bonkercockie.

Quick question, don't think about it, just answer. What has been Mrs. Clinton's number one accomplishment since stepping onto the national stage? Not new job, accomplishment. Times up. She's the political version of the Kardashians, famous, primarily, for being famous.

Which brings us to the Donald, this master showman, this P.T. Barnum of the new millennium.

I've been aware of the Donald for even longer than I've been aware of the Hilliam, but to be honest, I never paid much attention. I vaguely remember leafing through a friend's copy of, "The Art of the Deal" in the late 80's and being baffled by its popularity. I didn't think there was much there, there and, that boy, this guy really likes himself.

Since then, he's turned up regularly somewhere in the media and then starred in, "The Apprentice." I didn't think there was much there, there and, that boy, this guy really likes himself.

I admit that until recently I never paid much attention to him, and that it's at least partly a personality thing. I'm a follower of the strong, silent type school of manly deportment, a school currently having trouble attracting students.

So, what happens when a culture's consensus starts unraveling in the midst of rapid, economically disrupting technological change as the denizens of the planet Earth are being linked together like never before?

Donald J. Trump. Daddy's home!

"Hey, I'm rich ain't I! I'm sick of all the B.S. about the endless lawsuits, the trophy wives, the bankruptcies and business practices that left hundreds of small businesses holding the bag. Enough already about the name calling and endlessly shifting positions, that's what works! The folks want a talking mirror that'll tell 'em what they want to hear. I do what works because I'm a winner, and America loves a winner! Don't worry, daddy's gonna' fix everything, and it's gonna' be bigger and better than ever before!"

But daddy, how are...

"Daddy's a winner! I can fix anything, that's what a winner does. I'm rich ain't I? Give me a shot and I'll make everyone a winner. What else ya' gonna do? Hey, everyone knows you can't trust most of the news media, most of 'em got an agenda and besides, infotainment rules, I don't blame 'em, that's where the money is. What are you gonna' do? You got the time, or the smarts, to study economics and politics and boring crap like that? It's football season! Trust me, I'm rich ain't I?"

The Wizard of Ozz v. the Wicked Witch of the Northeast.

God bless/help? us, every-one.

Have an OK day.

©Mark Mehlmauer 2016

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