Friday, January 28, 2022


Hooked on drugs phonics profits

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.   

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating meltdown.  

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"I have worked out that I am virtually Chinese, because everything I own is from China." -Sean Lock

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

I'm so old that I can remember when Chairman Mao's Little Red Book went on sale here in the home of the free and the land of the brave. 

Given the fact China has rapidly gone from an enormous, dirt poor, overpopulated, retro-kingdom run by a ruthless emperor to an enormous, rich, fertility challenged, postmodern kingdom that's embraced capitalism/mercantilism with "Chinese characteristics" run by a different ruthless emperor... 

"...mercantilism, economic theory and practice common in Europe from the 16th to the 18th century that promoted governmental regulation of a nation’s economy for the purpose of augmenting state power at the expense of rival national powers."

...I wonder if Henry the K suffers from Wouldacouldashoulda Syndrome?

{What on Earth are you...}  

Time for a long story short, Dana. 

In 1949 Mao Zedong (a.k.a. Chairman Mao) and his merry band of communists won the Chinese Civil War, set up a socialist paradise, and Mao became the first emperor mentioned above. But you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs and by the time he dropped dead in 1976: 

"The government was responsible for vast numbers of deaths with estimates ranging from 40 to 80 million victims through starvation, persecution, prison labour, and mass executions." -Wikipedia

The Little Red Book, a.k.a. Quotations of Chairman Mao Tse-tung, was/is a compilation/distillation of the wit and wisdom(?) of the emperor, a collection of quotable quotes to guide the lives of the peasantry. It was eventually distributed globally and literally was/is a little red book. 

Ironically, early editions are now collector's items in certain capitalist circles.


It's still for sale, and there are various versions of Maoism/Maoists loose in the world although China now regards Mao as a lovable but crazy uncle who made some honest mistakes. Nowadays, the Chairman is a tourist attraction. 

China's current emperor, Xi Jinping, a.k.a. Xi Dada, a.k.a. Winnie the Pooh...

has, so far at least, killed a lot less people. His cutting-edge surveillance state that the FANG (Facebook, Amazon, Netflix, and the Goog), so far at least, can only dream of makes it possible to enslave his techno-peasants with much less wetwork, with the notable exception of the Uyghurs. 

But they're not actually Chinese, so... and are in process of being swallowed whole like the Tibetans before them.    

Henry the K(issenger), repeatedly declared the H. sapien with the most boring voice on the planet Earth by the Guinness people...

{You made that up!}

Perhaps. In his defense permit me to point out that he's allegedly a ladies man, or at least he was, but that would prove that women are biologically attracted to men of power and accomplishment regardless of...

{Would you stop!}

What? I was just going to point out that this serves to keep those of us who have never been famous for our good looks to strive for power and accomplishment... or at least to try and convince the ladies we're bad boys. Anyway, Mr. Kissinger is, and will forever be, famous for being the diplomat that "opened" China, among many other accomplishments. 

Big BUT...  

Given what's happened since, I wonder if he's ever subject to bouts of Wouldacouldashoulda syndrome given that Cold War II has broken out and our adversary is much more powerful than in the last cold war. Well, at least we don't need a younger version of Mr. K. to declare peace in some Vietnam-like situation and then get out of Dodge. So far at least. 

What about Afscamistan?}

All that was declared this time was that we fucked up again and we're outta here by both the Donald and Uncle Joe... who preceded to fuck up the fleeing.

{GASP! Didn't you write somewhere this is a family-friendly column?}

I believe I used the phrase "well, mostly".

In case you somehow missed the intensive coverage by the American media, in other news from the Middle Kingdom, a former NBA player, Sonny Weems, who nowadays plays for the Guangdong Southern Tigers of the Chinese Basketball Association was verbally assaulted after a recent matchup with the Liaoning Flying Leopards.

According to, "Racial slurs against Black people are commonly seen on the internet and often ignored by censors [the emperor's minions] who otherwise diligently remove politically sensitive content."

And people claim there's no such thing as free speech in China. 

I went a-googlin' and curiously, as far as I can tell, neither the NBA nor LeBron James has commented or issued statements about the matter. Go figure... 

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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