Friday, December 31, 2021

You May Not Be Interested In Politics...

But politics is interested in you

This is a weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.   

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional meltdown.  

Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlereader  

"Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed."
                                                                                              -Mao Zedong 

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

{Wait-wait-wait. Leon Trotsky's famous quote isn't "You may not be interested in politics..." it's "You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you."}

Actually, it's not. Being a semi-responsible columnist I've done my research and it appears highly unlikely that Trotsky should get the credit. It's a very complicated story that I'll spare you and my gentlereaders. 

{We appreciate that, and ain't you the clever little columnist for cashing in on it anyway?}

Thanks, Dana, I think so too, which brings us to congressional redistricting by the legislature of my beloved home state, Ohio. One of the ten American states that have full-time legislatures. Lucky us! 

{It does? And didn't you recently write a column about Ohio and 35,000 misprinted license plates? And isn't Ohio the same state you never tire of reminding people that you're only temporarily residing in — for the last 35 years? Is this column now only about the goings-on in Ohio?}

Yes, it does. Yes, I did. Yes, I do. No, it isn't. Think of this as a sequel if you like. Ohio part two, Politics. Read on, Macduff! 

{And now you're deliberately misquoting another misquote?}

Good point, mayhaps a theme is emerging. If it pleases the court, I need to supply some background information. 

The majority of the current 135 members of the Ohio legislature, 98.6% of the members of the executive branch, and...

{You pulled that percentage out of your...}  

Technically speaking, mayhaps, but it still serves...and four of the seven current Ohio Supreme Court justices are Republicans.

{Hold on there, Sparky. The supreme court justices are non-partisan!}

All that means here in the Buckeye State is that although they're creatures of the party that nominates them, there's no tiny R. or D. next to their names on the ballot when they're running for office. 

{Is mayhaps the word of the week? Is it even a real word?}

Not long ago the legislature approved, and the governor signed, a law that redraws Ohio's congressional districts. I shall spare my gentlereaders (and Dana) all but a minimum of the gory, insanely complicated details.

Suffice it to say that Otto Von Bismark's famous quote, "Laws are like sausage. Better not to see them being made" comes to mind.

{Let me guess, he didn't actually say that, right?}

Apparently not, but I don't recommend following this link. The article from Quote Investigator that it links to is rather, um, sausage-like. 

Bottom line: The redistricting, which is supposed to last till the next national census in 2030 will only last for four years when fresh sausage will have to be made. That's assuming it withstands the legal challenges that are already being litigated. 

The new law could be used to teach gerrymandering 101. Starting next year my current congressional district (a weakening but still Democratic stronghold) will have grown a tail that's seven Republican counties long.

As my late father-in-law would say, "A blind man could feel it with a walking stick." 

{Let me guess, he didn't actually say that.} 

Sure he did, why do you ask? 

Fun Ohio Fact: Our Republican governor's son is a Republican Ohio Supreme Court justice who has made clear he doesn't see any need to recuse himself from the law's challenges before the Ohio Supreme Court.  

{You're a Republican, shouldn't you be glad that...}

No, I'm not, and I'd be embarrassed if I were. 

As of now, I'm America's only official Neorepublican, and I'm running for king in 2024 — follow this column for details. The Democratic party is controlled by Wokies; the Republican party is a personality cult in thrall to the Donald.

For now, let me just point out that we Neorepublicans are primarily motivated by reviving America's founding principles. Reluctantly, I must step in to save the Republic.

{Gee, thanks. but what about the vaguely menacing title/subtitle of this missive?} 

Everything above has been about building to my big finish which the citizens of any given state can relate to, not just the citizens of Ohio. 

The story of the in-your-face sleazy politics perpetrated by the Ohio Republican Party has vanished faster than the story about the driverless rogue SUV that attacked a Christmas parade in Wisconsin.

If the blatant gerrymandering isn't stopped in court the people here in Hooterville, and certain other now-former Democratic strongholds in Ohio, are going to be very unpleasantly surprised come November 28th, 2022.  

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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