Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Political Tidbits

Depending on whose numbers you trust, somewhere between a quarter and a third of Republicrats would like to see the Donald become our next president. This is in spite of the fact the King of Combovers publicly disparaged one of his (zir) rivals, the formidable Carly Fiorina (in this day and age!) based on her (hir) looks. "Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that?"

Were I not as high-minded as I am I would urge my tens of readers to search the web for easily available pictures of the Donald's combover caught by the wind, but I'm above that sort of thing.

Also, somewhere between a quarter and a third of Depublicans would like Bernie Sanders to be the nation's next CEO. The 74-year-old Mr. Sanders, a left-wing activist and politician for most of his (zirs) adult life, has more executive experience than Mr. Obama (who became president, twice, without having any). He (ze) ran the sprawling metropolis of Burlington, Vermont, currently the 870'th largest metropolitan area in the US, as mayor, for eight years in the eighties.

He (ze) taught political science for a minute and then landed in Congress in 1991, where he's (ze's) been ever since. Even the mathematically challenged, a group that includes me, can deduce that Mr. Sanders has been a proud member of The Gubmint (aka The Leviathan) for 24 years.

The Wall Street Journal recently estimated that Mr. Sanders spending proposals have a tab of $18,000,000, approximately the same amount as our ever-expanding national debt. Of course, you have to take the estimate with a grain of salt considering what a sleazy tabloid the WSJ is. I'll wager he (ze) doesn't want to spend more than 10 or 12 trillion dollars of other people's money to turn the US into a socialist paradise.

- I'll bet that Donna Braquet won't be supporting the Donald. She's (ze's) the director of The Pride Center at the University of Tennessee. The Pride Center "...provides support, resources, and a community space for UT's LGBTQQIA and ally students, faculty, and staff...".

Ms. Braquet has come up with a way to spare us all the indignity of being tagged with offensive and potentially inaccurate gender-specific pronouns. Being a public-spirited blogger, it was my intention to delve into the many creative pronouns Ms. Braquet has cleverly coined (out of some very thin air) to deal with this problem. However, it seems that even my 39 college credits are not enough of a foundation to grasp the many subtleties involved.

I'm going to have to travel to Knoxville and attend a seminar or two before I feel comfortable expounding on, and being able to use with confidence, newly minted pronouns such as ze, zir and of course, xyr.

- Wayne Crews, who turned in his (zirs) report (Ten Thousand Commandments) for the Competitive Enterprise Institute a few months ago (and reportedly got an A) writes that "If it were a country, U.S. regulation would be the world's tenth-largest economy." Mr. Crews estimates that the total cost of complying with all the Rules & Regs is not quite $1,900,000,000,000 per year.

Seems like a lot but he (ze) says that The Gubmint only spends a paltry $60,000,000,000 a year to make sure we're following the rules, so we must be getting away with murder. While I'm in Knoxville learning to master politically correct personal pronouns I'm going visit the economics and political science departments to see if anyone can explain to me who is paying for the cost of complying with all those Rules & Regs. Personal federal income tax revenues only amount to a paltry $1,400,000,000,000,per year; I'm starting to think that someone, perhaps a lot of someones out there, is/are getting royally screwed.

- Since The Gubmint only spends $60 ,000,000,000 a year to see if we're in compliance with The Gubmint's rules it's probably occurred to some of you that __________ (please feel free to write in the name of anyone that's on your Too Stupid to Live list) is probably getting away with something and that perhaps you could be the one to bring them to justice. Hmmm, if only you had access to all those Rules & Regs.

Well, you do! Just head on over to and dive in. Anyone can easily access the first million rules, a 2010 milestone, and, however many have been added since. Happy hunting!

- Finally, an apology and some giving credit where credit is due. First, the credit. The concept behind a Too Stupid to Live list was not developed by me, but rather by an ex-friend of mine, Mike R. I can't emphasize the following enough: It's a joke.  Neither one of us maintains such a list and I hope you don't either.

That said, though Mike and I are no longer friends he (ze) deserves credit for the joke, and if by some miracle I should ever make any money off of this particular post, I will track him (zir) down and give it to him (zir). I miss you Mikey, but it's just too hard to be your friend.

As for the apology, I wish to apologize to anyone in the LGBTQQIA community that I have inadvertently offended via the gender-specific pronouns used in any of my columns as well as my great not too shabby American novel that I swear I'll finish if my column ever starts making money.

I've attempted to atone for my sins by placing what I think is the pronoun Ms. Braquet would approve of in parentheses next to the offensive ones in this column. Also, note that I've turned gentle reader into gentlereader in spite of the fact there is no such word as gentlereader. My only justification is that I want to, but I think Ms. Braquet should inspire us all to get creative and update our worn out old language.

Oh poop, I just realized that (the?) Braquet might be offended by my use of Ms. and Donna. After all they both, it would seem, unfairly assume femaleness. I also used Mr. a couple of times, I gotta get my ass to Knoxville...

Have an OK day.

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©2015 Mark Mehlmauer   (The Flyoverland Crank)

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