News That You Can Use (No. 1)

If you're new here, this is a weekly column consisting of letters written to my grandchildren (who exist) and my great-grandchildren (who aren't here yet) — the Stickies — to haunt them after they become grups and/or I'm dead.

[Blogaramians: Blogarama renders the links in my columns useless. Please click on View Original to solve this problem and access lotsa columns.]

Irregularly Appearing Imaginary Guest Stars

Marie-Louise -- My beautiful muse and back scratcher 

Iggy -- My designated Sticky

Dana -- My designated gentlereader

"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." -- Sun Tzu

Dear (eventual) Stickies & Great-Grandstickies,

[Stickies and gentlereaders: "News You Can Use" is the title of a feature that's been a feature of various and sundry media outlets since the dead trees format ruled the Earth. Often legitimately, sometimes sarcastically (HT: WSJ/James Freeman).

I've added the word That, and do hereby declare my intention to crank out an occasional column that will contain legitimate/sarcastic/hybrid news -- That, you can use.]


While I'm certain, My Dear Stickies, that none of you will even consider experimenting with recreational pharmaceuticals till your cerebral cortex is completely mature (age 25) and/or that by the time you're grups we will have come to our senses, as things stand just now...

"Portugal's policy rests on three pillars: one, that there's no such thing as a soft or hard drug, only healthy and unhealthy relationships with drugs;

Two, that an individual's unhealthy relationship with drugs often conceals frayed relationships with loved ones, with the world around them, and with themselves;

And three that the eradication of all drugs is an impossible goal (my emphasis).

The paragraph above is from an article written by Susana Ferreira, and published in The Guardian on 12/5/2017, about why Portugal called a truce in the war on drugs.


I recently read somewhere that Attorney General Jeff Sessions (full disclosure, I'm not a fan) is happy that he recused himself from the perpetual investigation into whether the Donald and the Pooteen are tangled up in a bromance.

Mr. Sessions enjoys being America's top cop and his recusal frees up his time. See, he can concentrate on eradicating other stains on America's character, like the use of recreational pharmaceuticals.



"On November 18, 1918, prior to ratification of the Eighteenth Amendment, the U.S. Congress passed the temporary Wartime Prohibition Act which banned the sale of alcoholic beverages...." --Wikipedia

America went dry and criminals all over America broke out the champagne and raised a toast to The Gummit. Let the profiteering and bloodletting begin! The law of...

[Wait, wait,wait... This ain't news, this is ancient history. I thought...]

Hold on Dana... The law of unexpected consequences was triggered and this failed experiment was ended in 1933. Yes, everyone (well...) knows this.

Big But

Prior to The Gummit coming to its senses, the Federal Bureau of Narcotics (the DEAs grandfather) was born in 1930. It was run by one Harry J. Anslinger, a veteran of the Bureau of Prohibition.

Thus, Mr. Anslinger, and many of his fellow teetotalers from the Bureau of Prohibition, were spared the indignity of being on the dole during the Great Depression.

The war on drugs is a holding action and the battle has raged for better than ninety years. It...

[Fine, I didn't know that, but still, it ain't news, it's olds.]

True, but the fact that Portugal called a truce in 2001 and has gained control of its drug problem is news in that most of the world doesn't seem to have noticed.

The British paper the Guardian did.

[Fine then. So, what happened?]


From the Guardian, "...Portugal became the first country to decriminalize the possession and consumption of all illicit substances. ...those caught with a personal supply might be given a warning, a small fine, or told to appear before a local commission -- a doctor, a lawyer and a social worker -- about treatment, harm reduction, and...support services."

"...criminal penalties are still applied to drug growers, dealers and traffickers." -Wikipedia

Back to The Guardian: "The opioid crisis soon stabilized, and the ensuing years saw dramatic drops in problematic drug use, HIV and hepatitis infection rates, overdose deaths, drug-related crime and incarceration rates."

The perpetual war on drugs was canceled and replaced by a public health program.


O.K., well that about sums it up...

[Mon nounours! We are at least a 'undred words short.]

Thanks, Marie-Louise. However, I wish to proffer a lengthy but pointed question that will put us about a hundred words over the official 755 WPC (words per column) limit.


I realize that the gummits, The Gummit and the employees of local, state and federal agencies (roughly 21,000,000 people), for the most part, wish us nothing but the best. Which is cool, because if 1 out of 16 of us works for the gummits or The Gummit, them is (are?) us.

Yet Another Big But

Given that the war on drugs has been going on for better than 90 years and that Portugal figured out that a truce is likely the best one can hope for

And, 

Prior to Harry J. being appointed the first drug Tzar/General/whateveral America regarded drug abuse as a public health problem  

["Marijuana is taken by musicians. And I'm hot speaking about good musicians, but the jazz type." --H.J. Anslinger]

Settle down, Harry J. And in light of how the prohibition of alcohol (Iran bans alcohol...) worked out, and how the war on drugs is working out, and the fact that we're spending $50,000,000/year (in the U.S. alone)...

Shouldn't we be funding a Congressional junket, or perhaps even some folks with a clue, to visit Portugal and ask around? Poppa loves you.

[25 Poppa, seriously?]

Yes, Iggy, seriously.

Have an OK day.


[P.S. Gentlereaders, for 25¢ a week, no, seriously, for 25¢ a week you can become a Patron of this weekly column and help to prevent an old crank from running the streets at night in search of cheap thrills and ill-gotten gains.

If there are some readers out there that think my shtuff is worth a buck or three a month, color me honored, and grateful. Regardless, if you like it, could you please share it? There are buttons at the end of every column.]


©2018 Mark Mehlmauer   (The Flyoverland Crank)

If you're reading this on my website (where there are tons of older columns, a glossary, and other goodies) and if you wish to comment — or react (way cooler than liking, and Facebook doesn't keep track) — please scroll down. 

Mexico

If you're new here, this is a weekly column consisting of letters written to my grandchildren (who exist) and my great-grandchildren (who aren't here yet) -- the Stickies -- to haunt them after they become grups and/or I'm dead.

[Blogaramians: Blogarama renders the links in my columns useless. Please click on View Original to solve the problem and access lotsa columns.]

                HAVE YOU EXPLORED THE INTELECTUAL DARK WEB?

Irregularly Appearing Imaginary Guest Stars

Marie-Louise -- My beautiful muse (right shoulder) and back scratcher 

Iggy -- My designated Sticky

Dana -- My designated gentlereader (left shoulder)

               "Wal-mart... do they like, make walls there?" -Paris Hilton

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies & Great-grandstickies,

When I become king I'm going to declare war on the United Mexican States. I'm (reluctantly) prepared to do what it takes to save us from them and them from us. 

While going to war to save a given us from a given them, or a given them from themselves, is a time-honored tradition, I'll betcha a bottle-a-pop that invading another country to save it from the folks doing the invading is rare, if not altogether unheard of. 

Now, Mexico (and points south), historically and currently speaking, has suffered no shortage of problems that has kept its people from achieving, overall, the level of freedom, security, and prosperity enjoyed by those residing north of the Rio Grande river. 

Whoa, wait a sec'! I sense a disturbance in a vague, ill-defined cinematic sleight of hand designed to invoke something transcendent without sweating the details The Force.        

Dana appears at my left shoulder, Marie-Louise at my right. Iggy wanders in playing a game on his phone, bumps into the back of my chair, looks up, mutters an apology(?), somehow floats to the floor while simultaneously assuming a crossed legged posture, thumbs flying, without ever looking up from the game.

[Wait just a minute, bucko, you can't willy-nilly lump together the people and history of South America and a third of North America in a single sentence. I...]

Calm down, Dana, and listen up. The paragraph above is a vast oversimplification and generalization, containing just two of my many charming eccentric characteristics. Everyone knows, as the immortal Mark Twain taught us, "all generalizations are false, including this one." Furthermore, oversimplification, generalization, and for that matter, hyperbole, are covered under the terms of my poetic license. See Part 4, subsection C, paragraph 3 (Lic. #1234567-allgoodchildrengotoheaven).

Brace yourselves! generalizations are popping up all over the place -- I'm certain that most folks are smarter than the Social Justice Warrior/purveyors of political correctness types are capable of grasping. Watch out! here comes another one -- most SJWs are primarily equal parts arrogance and resentment; Justice is the title of their cover story.    

Marie-Louise starts scratching my back. She lets her fingernails do the talking.   

Where was I? Oh, yeah, the impending invasion liberation of Mexico.


Mexico has come a long way since the implementation of NAFTA. So have we. So has Canada. No, this isn't going to be a column about why free trade works the best for the most. However, as far as I know, there's no such thing as a _______ First movement. Please insert the name of your home state, any state really, into the space provided.

Ohio ain't threatening to stop trading with Pennsylvania unless they get a better deal.

If we liberate annex Mexico we can add several new states to the republic. There will have to be considerable consolidation; Mexico currently has too many states given its size.

Perhaps this will serve to motivate certain rust encrusted states north of the Mason-Dixon to pursue the consolidation of way too many local fiefdoms for the sake of efficiency, as they're doing in the vibrant/prosperous South.

Hey, maybe people will rediscover the Constitution and the fact that all powers not specifically granted to The Gummit are the province of the states and...

[Dude, are you trying to get us placed under surveillance?]

Sorry, Dana, you're right, I got carried away. Baby steps.

We'll increase our population (and unfettered potential customers) by about 125,000,000 souls. BAM! (HT: Emeril Lagasse) -- everyone's legal and everyone's already here.

Then we build a wall, a smart wall, and everybody pays for it.


[Iggy looks up for one, brief, shining moment and poses some thoughtful questions, although the opposable thumbs never stop flying, don't even slow down. If we're going to annex Mexico consolidate our two republics why do we, like, need a wall? And whaddya mean, smart wall?]

Well, a smart wall will include cutting-edge tech (think drones, cameras and the like) with some physical barriers jointly designed by a team of technologists, architects, engineers and psychologists.

Since there are always multiple ways to go over/under/around and through physical walls, effective psychological walls are just as important. For example, if you create walls that don't even exist, in peoples minds, you can accomplish some amazing things -- like getting elected president of the United States.

As to why we'll need a wall a'tall y'all, we'll need one across the Southern border of Mexico, It'll be much shorter, thus cheaper to build and easier to man person. Having learned nothing from Prohibition 1, we're not about to repeal Prohibition 2 in spite of all evidence to the contrary. The "war on drugs" is a jobs program for the gummits, The Gummit, and support industries.

Even a king, particularly a benevolent despot, should think twice about messing with gummit employee unions if he wants to keep his head.

Afghanistan and Drug Cartels

There's more. We need to acknowledge that Afghanistan is indeed the graveyard of empires, declare victory, and leave. Otherwise, we might still be involved when my Great-Grandstickies are reading this. Nation building, particularly in the Fever Swamps (HT: George Will) of the Middle-East, is an exercise in perpetual futility.

Morale-wise, considering the considerable amount of expended blood, treasure, and mental health, it's going to sting. So let's pull the men and women of the best military the world has ever seen out of Bezerkistan and let 'em liberate the people of Mexico from the oligarchs and famously corrupt politicians in general, and the money-grubbing, bloodthirsty cartels in particular.

I invite the Mexican military to band with us to destroy the cartels and free the people. Think about it, drug prices north of the Rio Grande will go through the roof, payback to the drug-loving gringos that have helped to generate a good deal of the violence and death in your country. Win/Win.

Finally, Mexico has plenty of oil/natural gas and plenty of sunshine. Perhaps the renewable energy types can prove their case without billions of dollars in subsidies from the gummits and The Gummit. If not, Mexico has plenty of oil/natural gas. Poppa loves you.

Have an OK day.


[P.S. Gentlereaders, for 25¢ a week, no, seriously, for 25¢ a week you can become a Patron of this weekly column and help to prevent an old crank from running the streets at night in search of cheap thrills and ill-gotten gains.

If there are some readers out there that think my shtuff is worth a buck or three a month, color me honored, and grateful. Regardless, if you like it, could you please share it? There are buttons at the end of every column.]


©2018 Mark Mehlmauer   (The Flyoverland Crank)

If you're reading this on my website (where there are tons of older columns, a glossary, and other goodies) and if you wish to react (way cooler than liking) -- please scroll down.