Friday, April 5, 2024

I Repeat, Let's Invade Mexico

Image by Pandanna Imagen from Pixabay

This weekly column consists of letters written to my perspicacious progeny  the Stickies — to advise 'em now and haunt them after I'm deleted.

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC-65: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring {Dana}Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device

"Mexico has strict gun control. You cannot own a gun in Mexico." 
                                                                                           -Jesse Ventura 

{Well, technically you can, but...} 


Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders),  

I've written before about invading Mexico, setting its more or less enslaved population free, taking out the cartels, and gaining a much smaller and easier-to-control border at the bottom of Mexico. 

I've also written before about sanctioning China in some form or fashion till they stop shipping the precursor drugs to the cartels who use them to manufacture meth and fentanyl and then ship the drugs, enslaved women, a likely terrorist or two, and God knows what all else, across a border everyone knows is out of control, including our alleged president.

And Canada? Canada is a mess. Thinking about suicide? The doctor will see you now. Thinking about protesting Canada's embrace of the reverse quarantine movement (locking down everybody)? Have a problem with crippling the economy and kid's lives by shutting down all the schools?

Better think twice dude, the government may confiscate your money. And be careful what you say online, eh? There's a bill pending called the Online Harms Act. You can find the details here. Hint: Are you familiar with the movie Minority Report

I haven't written about invading Canada — it serves as a good example of a bad example (like The Popples Republic of California), it's too damn cold, and at the moment at least the government is no threat to us, just to its own people.

{Fascinating. Um... will you be favoring us with your point at some point?}

Well of course. I always get there eventually, Dana, and in fact, here I am.

We've taken to second-guessing/blowing off allies like Israel and Ukraine to whom we previously made commitments. While we continue to debate, obfuscate, and dissemble, which will keep Mexico and the rest of the world distracted, we could plan the invasion, getting our ducks (tanks) in a row, so to speak.

An invasion will simultaneously make hooge dents in four problems: border control, fentanyl and meth addiction/overdoses, human trafficking, and bloodthirsty cartels.

Win/win/win and win. 


AMLO has finally come clean and declared that the cartels aren't his problem, they're ours, and while he's willing to keep helping us out he could provide much better service  — if the price was right.  

{What's an AMLO?}

He's a who, not a what, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, the president of Mexico. A world-class weasel and a pretend populist.

{Lots of that sort of thing going around these days.}

Recently, in a 60 Minutes interview (tick-tick-tick) he laid his cards on the table and unambiguously named his price. 

$20,000,000,000 a year funneled to poor countries in Latin America, lift sanctions on Venezuela and end the Cuban embargo (currently run by a couple of his dicktater buddies), and legalize the millions of Mexicans who have already somehow made it across our buttoned-up Southern border. 

Otherwise, the huddled masses will continue to pour in. Nice little country you got here, it'd be a shame if God knows who was to kick in the back door and have at it.

{That's blackmail! Everybody knows that most of that money would wind up in the pockets of the people who run those countries and who are the reason that...}

I think extortion is a more accurate word, but AMLO says no-no-no, he's just speaking plainly, it's what populist leaders do don'tcha know. As he said, he'll continue to do what he can. After all, Mexico's our biggest trading partner, they make a lot of our stuff there. If we were to close the border prices on all sorts of things would immediately rise dramatically. Nobody wants that, right?



Like China, attempting to drag Mexico into the modern era seemed like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, like gravity, the law of unintended consequences is always in effect.

The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) passed in 1994 but I'm not going to come down on one side or the other in that never-ending debate. Suffice it to say the cat's out of the bag/the horse is out of the barn etc. 

Technically speaking, we could've opted to be a more or less self-sufficient country as America is blessed to be one of few countries on the planet Earth that could pull it off, and more or less did till relatively recently.

However, the level of wealth we enjoy and take for granted, unimaginable to my parents (I'm a Boomer), would simply not be possible without trading with the devil(s). But since this column isn't about that, or the fact despite our prosperity many of us are miserable and at each other's throats, I won't bring it up. 

What I will bring up is that in Mexico, a country that has a long history of embracing, how shall I put this...

{Careful!}

Mexico is a country that historically suffers from many of the um... troublesome aspects of some of the countries that are considered part of the "global South."

{Not bad. Have you ever been a corporate/government spokesperson?}

And NAFTA more or less coincided with the rise to power of the infamous cartels that seem to be well on their way to having as much or more power in Mexico as the government. 


AMLO's $20,000,000,000 middlemanperson fee is instructive. Despite NAFTA, the powers that be in Mexico continue to think and act like what used to be called third-world thugs.

{Do we call 'em developing world thugs now?} 

The poor souls fleeing Mexico (and points south) are fleeing economic hardship as much or more than human rights suppression/torture by various and sundry...

{Can't help it, can you?}

Dicktaters. 

Let's make 'em all Americans, crush the cartels, and give some thought to the advantages of being a bit more self-sufficient in a world that includes powerful countries like China (dicktater), Russia (dicktater... who would be just another weenie but for his nukes), et al. 

Once the smoke clears we should give some thought to extending our border to the Panama Canal. Just sayin'... 

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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Friday, March 29, 2024

Dicktaters

An Emperor's work is never done.
Source Unknown 

This weekly column consists of letters written to my perspicacious progeny  the Stickies — to advise 'em now and haunt them after I'm deleted.

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC-65: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring {Dana}Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device

"Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past." -George Orwell 


Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders),  

Consider the plight of the Chinese historians currently writing, rewriting, and then rewriting, and then...well, you can clearly see where this is going even if the scholars involved can't. 

An article in the Wall Street Journal, China Repackages Its History In Support of Xi's National Vision, is where I discovered that Mr. Xi (aka Emperor Poo Win Nie) has taken it upon himself to oversee the current dynasty's fulfillment of a Chinese tradition, writing the history of the previous dynasty.

{Considering how often, relatively speaking, China changes emperors and direction these days, can the current era even be considered a dynasty and what will it be called?} 

You make a good point, Dana. Perhaps it will be called the Mao dynasty in honor of the psychopath who got the whole "socialism with Chinese characteristics" thing rolling... although he had a radically different set of characteristics in mind than the ones currently in fashion. 

Hmmm...I wonder if his corpse is still on display?

{Say what?}

Hang on, I'll be right back...


Oh yeah, Chairman Mao's corpse is still proudly displayed in a custom-made display case that would make your favorite supermarket's meat department proud, and is housed in a custom-made mausoleum. Various and sundry sources...

{The "columnist" favors us, yet again with a various and sundry.}

Harumph. Various and sundry sources on the Uh-huh! Nuh-uh! net (aka the internet, aka the worldwide web of all knowledge)...

{AI's gonna fix that!}

...report that our still well-fed-looking prince of the downtrodden peasantry...

{I wonder if they stuffed him?}

...is still drawing crowds of tourists. Grunge.com has a detail-packed article that includes fascinating tidbits like "...underneath him is a refrigerator. At night, Mao's body is lowered into it."

If you're in the market for a custom-made/designed mausoleum you might find this article at Mausaleums.com (ETERNAL MUASALEUMS BY FOREVER LEGACY) useful although ETERNAL MUASALEUMS had nothing to do with Chairman Mao's custom-built display case as far as I can tell.

For purposes of giving credit where credit is due, the article was written by Belinda McCleod, "...Belinda has specialized in writing for the funeral industry. Belinda has written for Cake, a funeral-planning website, nursing homes, mausoleum companies, cremation companies, and funeral homes."

The article is accompanied by a hilarious video that I suspect proves that no one from ETERNAL MUASALEUMS proofread it, or that someone who works there has a sense of humor.


 
And we're back.  

{I'm impressed, as far as your famous pointless but mildly entertaining meandering digressions go, this may be a personal best.}

Thanks, Dana. Anyways... 

When I first heard about Emperor Poo Win Nie tirelessly taking on yet another task, ensuring that the world understands that what looks like an insatiable appetite for expanding the size of the Middle Kingdom by laying claim to various and sundry countries, islands, and vast swaths of the South China Sea, at least from a barbarian's perspective...

<the writer inhales>

Is actually just China making sure the modern world understands that since they are an ancient country with deep historical roots that's been (often successfully) laying claim to/stealing/or conquering various and sundry countries, islands, and vast swaths of the South China Sea for thousands of years...

There's nothing to see here folks, move along everybody.  

I ordered my research department to look into it and submit a report summarizing the situation via an easily and quickly digestible report.

What landed on my desk not quite three months later, along with an expense report detailing how they had managed to spend $339,933.53 while traveling around the Far East to gather data, was the following report.

The Emperor has personally intervened in a hooge (better than 100 volumes, so far) ongoing, seemingly never-ending project, to write the official history of the previous dynasty, the Qing, which collapsed early in the last century.


It ain't easy to rewrite history to fit modern, often shifting narratives, it's hard out here for a dicktater. As if holding sham elections, having your enemies murdered (semi-plausible deniability route or bring the hammer down?), and inventing rationalizations for conquering your neighbors ain't tough enough. 

Imagine having to make sure that not only the story of the previous dynasty is told in such a way as to justify this, that, or even that other thing but also having to keep an eye on what the minions in the street are saying about the previous 5,000 or so years. 

Now if I was a dick-tater...

{And not just another di...}

I'd steal a half billion or so and get out of Dodge, but I don't think they do it just for the money and the chicks. 

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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Friday, March 22, 2024

News That You Can Use

This weekly column consists of letters written to my perspicacious progeny  the Stickies — to advise 'em now and haunt them after I'm deleted.

Trigger Warning: This column is rated SSC-65: Sexy Seasoned Citizens   

About 

Glossary 

Featuring {Dana}Persistent auditory hallucination and charming literary device 

“Popular culture is a place where...propaganda is called knowledge, tension is called peace, gossip is called news, and auto-tune is called singing.” 
                                                                                                    -Criss Jami


Dear Stickies (and gentlereaders),  

My news you can use file is filling up my hard drive so I've pulled out some of the more interesting stories. 

Wait...what? 
According to Renaissance Recovery (Effective treatment for addiction, founded by people in recovery), who would seem to be in a position to know, "There is...

{Founded by people... Now that's what I call making lemonade when life serves up lemons.} 

"There is a widespread shortage of the prescription medication hydrocodone in the United States, with drug manufacturers failing to provide clear reasons for the scarcity."

{Wait-wait-wait. Are you confessing that...}

No, I'm not, other than Ianazones Peperoni Pizza (ask for lightly baked as they tend to over-bake) my only addiction is current events and I've been unable to find a rehab that treats current events junkies. 

{Then how did...}

Someone that I'm very close to, who comes from a long line of drunks and druggies on both sides of her family, is suffering from Lyme disease that has triggered a cascade of other problems, including severe pain, told me. 

She's terrified of becoming addicted to painkillers and approaches the problem hyper-vigilantly, always careful to take the absolute minimum of her prescribed meds to get relief. 

She mentioned that there are all sorts of opioid painkiller shortages which sometimes results in her and her Docs having to get creative to keep her pain under control. She quite rightly refuses to buy anything "off the street," terrified of getting something laced with fentanyl.

{This makes no sense, I thought...}

So did I. Feel free to go a-googlin (I did) and you'll discover that the DEA, the FDA, and Big Pharma are basically stonewalling the public as to what's going on. The Fedrl Gummit has yet again dropped the public health ball, Big Pharma is afraid of lawsuits, and innocent people are suffering.

{Well, maybe. But the Princess of Wales is using AI or something to tweak family photos! What about that?!?}


N.I.M.B.Y.
According to FoxNews (I know, I know. Thank God for CNN, right? The writer emits an undignified giggle....) there's trouble in the District of Columbia school system. 

"Nearly 6 in 10 of the 500 children at Maury Elementary School are white. At Miner Elementary School, 80% of the kids are black, many of whom are in foster care, receive public assistance or are homeless." (My underlines and I decapitalized Black and White 'cause I'm not nuts.) 

In the name of DEI, D.C. officials want all students to start off at one of the two schools and finish at the other. Problem solved, yes?

No. 

Parents of the kids currently enrolled in one school or the other have gone to the mattresses in opposition to the plan for all of the reasons you can easily imagine. If you should go a-googlin' for details please advise me if you find the answer to two questions I've been unable to discover.

Has the plan been officially approved, or not?

Has anyone suggested using the vast resources of the Fedrl Gummit to resolve the problems at Miner and let the kids remain in their current schools? The knowledge gained could be used to fix problem schools all over America. 

I just thought of a third question. What's the official position of the local teachers union given that teacher's unions are well known nationwide for their expertise and unflagging dedication to educating the nation's young people?


Ban TikTok? What about free speech!
The Emperor never rests when it comes to protecting his flock. According to the Wall Street Journal, there's a citizen of the Middle Kingdom living in Italy who, via X and a website, provides news that's censored in China to over a million people still enslaved there. 

"Now, he is encouraging his China-based followers to drop him, after many of them told him they have been subjected to police questioning."

{Enslaved? That's a bit hyperbolic, don't ya think?}

Ask the Weigers, the Tibetans, millions of 996 employees (someone has got to make the sneakers and iPhones, and...), citizens with bad social credit scores, Hong Kongers, people that... 

{996 employees?}

9 am to 9 pm, six days a week. 

{My old man worked 12 hr. days.}

So that you, or anyone, wouldn't/shouldn't have to. Although... wait, you had a father? How could... never mind.

If you're too busy to follow the link and read the fascinating/horrifying article, one more quote if you please. 

"Li said in an interview that his website and X account have become frequent targets of hacking and cyberattacks and that he has moved four times in the past year for fear of being tracked down by Chinese authorities."


Checked your white privilege lately?
Did you know that marriage promotes white supremacy?

From an article in The College Fix: “I theorize that marriage fundamentalism, like structural racism, is a key structuring element of White heteropatriarchal supremacy,” I'll bet you're wondering what marriage fundamentalism is, right? 

Well, the quote is from Professor Bethany Letiecq, of George Mason University. "...an associate professor in the College of Education and Human Development, specializing in the utilization of community-based participatory action research approaches, anti-racist research methods...and mixed method designs (e.g., qualitative and quantiative methods) in partnership with minoritized and marginalized families."

Benjamin Vogel (a student at Hope College, who wrote the College Fix article) got the marriage fundamentalism quote from a paper published by Dr. Letiecq in The Journal of Marriage and Family with the titillating title: Theorizing White heteropatriarchal supremacy, marriage fundamentalism, and the mechanisms that maintain family inequality.

{Cool, but what's marriage fundamentalism?}

Sorry for the drift, but as a public service... I'm sure that many people are familiar with the phrase "publish or perish," which refers to climbing the occupational ladder to become a full professor with bulletproof tenure and then remain at the top of the academic food chain.  

Big BUT, publish what? Where? Well, often as not it's obscure papers for obscure academic journals that almost no one will ever read. 

Anyways... as to marriage fundamentalism: "I theorize that marriage fundamentalism, like structural racism, is a key structuring element of White heteropatriarchal supremacy. Marriage fundamentalism can be understood as an ideological and cultural phenomenon, where adherents espouse the superiority of the two-parent married family." -Professor Letiecq

I suspect that some of you may be tempted to skip reading Prof. Letiecq's paper but Mr. Vogel's article helpfully supplies us with another quote that explains where Prof. Letiexq is coming from, in his/her/their own words. 

"Letiecq employs 'critical family theorizing…to delineate an overarching orientation to structural oppression and unequal power relations that advantages [white heteropatriarchal nuclear families] and marginalizes others as a function of marriage fundamentalism.'"

{Well who can argue with that?}

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

Scroll down if you wish to share my work or access my golden oldies.   

I post links to my columns (and other stuff) on Facebook so that you can love me, hate me, or lobby to have me publicly flogged.