A diggin' the dictaters/news you might've missed column
This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — eventual selves to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted. Reading via monitor/tablet is recommended for maximum enjoyment.
Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Intended for H. sapiens that are — in the words of the late, great bon vivant and polymath, Professor Y. Bear — "Smarter [and cooler] than the av-er-age bear."
"I'm not a dictator. It's just that I have a grumpy face." -Agusto Pinochet
Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),
Once there was a blogger from Belarus... Dicktaters can grow, and thrive, just about anywhere. The bully that runs Belarus uses MiG-29 fighter jets to swat flies. Now that's a dicktater.
Alexander Lukashenko, a Pooteen protege, is an OG dicktater whose territory, Belarus, the alleged Republic of Belarus, butts up against/was part of the now officially disbanded USSR.
{And we care about this because?...}
He ordered a MiG-29 to intercept an Irish passenger plane that was flying from Athens to Vilnius, Lithuania.
{I think I heard something about that...}
The pilot was told there was a bomb on the plane by Belarusian air traffic controllers, and that it might be activated over Vilnius. The pilot was also told to divert to Minsk, in Belarus, and then a MiG-29 was graciously dispatched to escort the plane.
Fortunately, no bomb was found.
Belarus said they had no choice, that someone from Hamas, a spinoff of the religion of peace, had emailed them that a bomb was on board. Guilty conscience I guess.
Alex the Not So Great says the email came from Switzerland, which as everyone knows, is lousy with Hamas social clubs. The Swiss confirmed that somebody sent an email, oddly, 24 minutes after the plane was ordered to land in Belarus.
Not for nothin'...
{Not for nothin'?}
Not for nothin', in what might turn out to be the coinkydink of the year, it was discovered that Roman Protasevich, whose cover story is that he's a humble but lovable journalist and blogger self-exiled to Lithuania, was on that plane. He was on a list, compiled by Belarus's KGB, of individuals involved in terrorist activities.
The evil blogger, and his Lithuanian college student girlfriend, were tossed in the pokey.
Mr. Protasevich was so racked with guilt about being a terrorist that he immediately came clean. His video confession was broadcast on television 24 hours later to a relieved/grateful Belarus.
He's been charged with the horrific crime of organizing protests, from Lithuania, over the alleged election fraud perpetrated by Alex the Not So Great in Belarus's last presidential election in 2020.
Alex the Not So Great is a very popular public servant. He's been repeatedly reelected president and has been in charge of Belarus for 26 years.
Meanwhile, in the Middle Kingdom, Xi Dada, the current emperor of China, continues to try and out Orwell Orwell.
Ethnic cleansing, enslaving the Uyghurs, swallowing Tibet whole, mass surveillance, eteceterance — well sure — but eventually, a smart dicktater figures out that rewriting history serves multiple purposes.
It not only helps to keep the sheep in their pens, aid in the never-ending process of indoctrination, and influence future generations of sheep, it might even help if a given dicktater finds themselves on trial in the Hague someday for crimes against humanity.
{What are you?...}
I just discovered that Xi Jinping set up something called the Chinese Acadamy of History a couple of years ago (sorry, I'm running behind, keeping up with the Kardashians is exhausting) in order to (according to the Wall Street Journal), "...counter negative views of the ruling Communist Party's Past."
How he resisted calling it the Ministry of Truth I'll never know.
{Doesn't netiquette call for a link to the WSJ?}
Well, their well-built paywall is very tall, so...
Anyways, it's been officially announced via a social media post, that the vicious story that Mao Anying — son of the world (in)famous Mao Zedong (who murdered more people than Hitler and Stalin put together) — got himself deleted by an airstrike in the Korean war when he fired up a stove to make egg fried rice is pure bonkercockie.
This was discovered after an in-depth investigation of the events of roughly 70 years ago. Turns out that radio transmissions from Anying's commander's H.Q. inadvertently led to Anying getting blown to bits.
“These rumormongers have tied up Mao Anying with egg fried rice, gravely dwarfing the heroic image of Mao Anying’s brave sacrifice. Their hearts are vicious.”
They also discovered that Teddy Kennedy fired the kill shot from the grassy knoll and was an undercover assassin working as a cook in the kitchen of the Ambassador hotel.
{I don't get that obscure reference, waaay too much ancient history for my taste.}
Easily googled if you're interested.
{You're aware that Keeping up the Kardashians has been canceled, right?}
I try not to think about it. I have a ways to go before I'm caught up and I'm cautiously optimistic that there will be splendiferous spin-offs and specials.
Addendum — On a related note:
If you're worried because China's navy is now larger than ours,
And,
Xi Dada, in a speech commemorating the 100th birthday of the Chinese Communist Party (the CCP, in Tiananmen Square of all places) while wearing his Mao jacket, declared that anyone who messes with China, "...shall be battered and bloodied from colliding with a great wall of steel forged by more than 1.4 billion Chinese people using flesh and blood.,"
Well, at least the US still leads in rapping.
A 15-minute rap that includes 100 different CCP approved rappers extolling the "Chinese Dream" (yeah, that's a thing) face planted and was disappeared faster than a pro-democracy demonstrator prior to the birthday bash.
Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day
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