Friday, March 26, 2021

The National Guard vs The Plague

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

This is: A weekly column consisting of letters to my perspicacious progeny. I write letters to my grandkids and my great-grandkids — the Stickies — to advise them and haunt them after they've become grups and/or I'm deleted.

Warning: This column is rated SSC — Sexy Seasoned Citizens — A Perusal by kids, callowyutes, or grups may result in a debilitating intersectional triggering. Viewing with a tablet or a monitor is highly recommended for maximum enjoyment.

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Erratically Appearing Hallucinatory Guest Star: Dana — A Gentlerreader

"I’ll get vaccinated when politicians make it easier to get an appointment than front row Springsteen tickets." -Peter Van Buren

Dear (eventual) Grandstickies and Great-Grandstickies (and Gentlereaders),

I've been wondering why the National Guard presence isn't so ubiquitous in every state of the union that posted conspiracy theories have bogged down the internet. 

[Why would you expect...]

Vaccinations, Dana, Covid vaccinations. I'm not talking about troops behind barbed wire-topped fencing like the ones still in Washington. The last of those battle-scarred troops will hopefully be going home by the end of May as promised. 

[Battle-scarred? Are you making fun of said soldiers?]

Oh hell no. I thank God for the fact there are about 2.2 million active and reserve volunteers serving their country.

If you count armed paramilitary forces Emperor Xi has a million more minions serving in his military than we do, as does the Pooteen, voluntarily or otherwise. North Korea's Dear Leader has 7,769,000 hungry minions at his disposal according to Wikipedia.

I'm making fun of the fact that 26,000 troops were deployed to protect the center of the Swamp in January as compared to virtually none to protect the country from mostly peaceful protestors last summer.

[Which has exactly what to do with Covid vaccinations? ] 

I'm glad you asked.

I've been trying to get vaccinated for awhile now. I recently scored an appointment for my first jab on April the eighth. My home state, Ohio, has been threatening to open Regional Mass Vaccination Clinics for several weeks but the last time I checked only two were open. 

In the meantime, getting vaccinated is a catch as catch can game. One clicks around hoping to snag an appointment at one of the many authorized sites but the vaccines are being doled out in dribs and drabs. 

I get it. The stuff can only be manufactured and distributed so fast. But why didn't The Fedr'l Gummit's highly successful Operation Warp Speed, which produced vaccines in record time, include a distribution plan given how long they had to put one together?

[So why do you think the National Guard should be the master jabbers?]

The Interstate Highway System and the military's logistical expertise. 

[Well, that explains that then.]

Quick point, I think the shots should be administered by local, qualified volunteers under the supervision of a Doc or three in light of some... interesting experiences I've had at a local outlet of a national drugstore chain where I no longer get my prescriptions filled. 

[Whatever, but...]

The building of the Interstate Highway System that we take for granted was begun in 1956, three years after I was born and three years after Eisenhower began his first term. 

(Note to my younger readers: America used to be able to get all sorts of amazing things done but around the time we landed men persons on the moon things started going south.)   

In fact, its full name is the Dwight D. Eisenhower National System of Interstate and Defense Highways. 

Note the word defense

The Interstate Highway System includes the STRAHNET, the Strategic Highway Network, which according to Wikipedia is: The entire network of highways which are important to the United States’ strategic defense policy and which provide defense access, continuity, and emergency capabilities for defense purposes.

Note the phrase emergency capabilities.   

Emergency capabilities... Like a pandemic, for instance?

As to logistics expertise, despite its flaws (which stem primarily from the officers at the very top of the food chain, but that's another column), the military of the United States knows how to get stuff from point A to point B. 

So why wasn't Brigadier General Amos T. Halftrack tasked with securing the cooperation of large, more unused than used facilities— from small concert halls to ginormous, domed stadiums that are in every state of the union — to serve as distribution centers/mass vaccination sites?

The Guard could also have been tasked with building pop-up sites wherever needed, or commandeering the secret FEMA concentration camps... 

[Why haven't you been canceled yet? And hasn't the Guard been involved...]

In a limited way, yes, but America could've made some much-needed positive history. The country, if only briefly, could've experienced the buzz that comes from everybody — well, most bodies — being on the same team and working towards the same goal.

The country that put persons on the moon should be making the rest of the world look bad.  

On a related note...
According to, in the US (in which roughly 15% of us have been fully vaccinated) "...the White House announced it is working through the technicalities to loan 2.5 million doses to Mexico and 1.5 million doses to Canada from its stockpile of 7 million doses."

[Like, seriously dude?]

Keep in mind that the Fedr'l Gummit funded the development of the vaccines and guaranteed they will buy the vaccines developed by Big Pharma to get vaccines ASAP — fortunately for us. 

This means that the Feds can, by law, since there's taxpayer money involved, force the drug companies to hand over the technology to manufacturers in poor countries, which is how you end a global pandemic before ever new versions of the bug come looking for fresh meat.

The Donald and Uncle Joe apparently didn't/don't think this is necessary. 

Poppa loves you,
Have an OK day

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