Dept. of Filthy Lucre

If you enjoy my work, and in the unlikely event that you wish to provide a bit of financial succor to comfort my fragile artistic ego, I would really appreciate it if you'd show some support to help me stay motivated. If you don't, I understand. Everyone/everything seems to want some of your hard-earned fiat money nowadays, yes?  

I've been writing weekly columns for better than seven years now and in my semi-humble opinion, I've gotten good enough to ask my readers to buy me a can of coffee without feeling embarrassed.

Yes, I said can. I live in the Heartland, buddy. A one-off $5 tip buys a 10oz. can of Cafe Bustelo Espresso Ground Coffee (ALWAYS PURE AND FLAVORFUL. LIKE NO OTHER.) at my favorite Dollar General. 
Become a member of, um... Cranky's Club? and for only $4 a month (or $40 a year - 77¢ a column) you can tell everyone you're a patron of the arts (I'll back you up) and have access to members-only content. If your cash flow is currently a trickle please see the previous paragraph.
You can help me to resist the temptation to start a cult, become a gigolo, a politician, or engage in some other equally smarmy, inappropriate behavior for a beloved father and grandfather. 

Thanks if you do, and thanks anyway if you don't. Regardless, if my work has pleased you please share it.