Welcome to King Crank's Shameless Commerce Page.

You may have noticed that my column is pop up/pop under free, clickbait-free, and there are no coffee mugs or t-shirts for sale. I only have one advertizer. You can assuage your debilitating guilt and signal your virtue by tossing your favorite crank a quarter a week.

(20 cents a week in five-week months. Click here or on my Patreon button.)


You can click here or on my Buy me a coffee button and toss me a fiver once/once in a while if my writing pleased/pleases you.


If you don't like me enough to patronize me or buy me a cup of coffee you can click on the only advertising on my site, links to Amazon, if you do like shopping there. If you buy something they will toss a few pennies at me. "Don't applaud, just throw money." -uncertain etymology

[Wait-wait-wait. I thought Amazon was run by Satan and enslaves hundreds of thousands of people?]

Nah, I checked it out, Dana. Here's a great, in-depth article written by someone that actually works there. He paints a much different story than the one usually painted by the purple press.

You may not have noticed there are about 150 blasts from the past you can easily access if you find me worth the effort.

You may have noticed that a brand spanking new column is published every Saturday evening at 7:11 (PM&ET).

[I just had an idea! I wonder what would happen if I called my column The Saturday Evening Post? I wonder if whoever owns the rights to that storied name would mind? Or even notice? Hmmm...]

I Can Be Bought!
For a one-off donation of $50,000 (I want to buy the Stickies an Ice Cream Truck to help them pay their way through college) I'll name my first Great-Grandsticky after you, or if you'd prefer, agree to never publish another column. Special offer: You can have both options for only $75,000!